Bye-Bye, Cannibis! And, Wow...What A Difference.

I moved to a state where weed is legal in 2014, and almost immediately started puffing because everyone I knew did it - all the musicians. Not huge amounts for me - just a couple of toots when I wanted to work out, practice the guitar, or clean the house.

It didn't cost much money at all, because I didn't use that much. A store near me has a two-for-one pre-roll special, and those two jays typically lasted me a couple of weeks, to give you an idea of how little product I was actually using.

Then came the edibles, which I liked more than smoking. Then came dating a little cutie who worked in a dispensary and typically gave me tons of samples which the business got every day from salespeople wanting the store to carry their product.

At one point my freezer was FULL. Candy, suckers, bud, lozenges, gummy bears, and in the fridge a few cans of seltzer that would get you high.

When we broke up I spent a year eating and smoking all of what she gave me. I was high when I drove - sometimes EXTREMELY high - high when I went to family gatherings (so I could stand it) and sometimes would puff in the morning.

Eventually I knew I was using it because I was lonely. And I didn't give a shit. Weed kept me company. I was a sad man living alone, unhappy in my town in the middle of nowhere, unable to relate to people.

I am writer, for example, and none of them read. One dear friend didn't have a high school diploma. Education and knowledge around here aren't really at the forefront of anyone's mind. I would get in the car with my little cutie budtender and she would talk about what the cat did that day, for example.

About 2 months ago I got laryngitis, meaning I could not sing. Singing is my life - this is how I communicate. I went to doctors, voice doctors, all of it and no one ever asked me if I was smoking. My cords were pink and healthy, they said.

I was so sad and frustrated.

Two Fridays ago I didn't smoke anything, and it lasted until Monday. By Monday, the laryngitis was gone. But also, head clear! WOW! And not dog-tired at 3 or 4 PM - a tiredness that couldn't be fixed with coffee or showers. I remember waking up to pee and just staggering to the bathroom.

Oh, my dudes, I am done with weed. Maybe down the road - I don't know. But I haven't had the slightest urge to smoke since then.

I wish giving up fapping was as easy as giving up weed, but, you know, a joint isn't attached to my body like my dick. What I like about it, though, was that weed use just "Dropped away." No white-knuckling. I just didn't want it anymore, and there you go. Whereas today I have to steel myself not to jerk off or look at cuties on the web.

Progress, I reckon.

Anyway I am excited about my new weed-free life, and being clear.

Thanks for listening.

 

Almost gave in yesterday, was in a horrible, lonely mindspace and I know weed would have blasted me out of it. But then, hours later, I'd be numb, anesthetized, chronically tired and feel like I "failed."

Instead I took a 12-mile bike ride, had a nice dinner and a bath, and I survived, though I did have my gun out and took a few photos of me pointing it under my chin, haha, then put it away. That's how accidents happen.

I should probably throw the weed out, but I don't feel the need to. I paid for it and it can just sit there until if and when.

 

I like this. And one thinks "It won't affect me that way - that's for other people."

Today, for the first time in I don't know how long, I sat down and practiced the guitar for about 30 minutes without relying on weed to blast me into that groovy-state. And I made an instructional video and my eyes don't look "on something." And I made the decision to dye my hair green via Artic Fox for Halloween, and I know being high had nothing to do with the decision.

That said, I actually think some world leaders would greatly benefit from a weekend of bongs and rock music. Might take the bug out of their tight asses.

 

Reporting in - my insomnia, for some reason, has come back. Last night, Saturday night, I thought I would just stay in as I was really beat. "Why am I beat?" I asked meself. "This is like when I used to smoke weed and I'd be wiped out at 5 PM."

Then I remembered, I'd swum laps for 45 minutes that morning, and had spent about 30 minutes pulling weeds, some of whose roots were quite deep and required all my strength after wiggling them left, right, up and down, then pulling with all my might, again and again. I even had the thought "I'm gonna sleep well tonight!"

That's why I was beat.

But bang, bang, bang, up at 12, 1, 2:30. Eyes wide open. Almost just got up, turned the lights on and cleaned the house. But kept going back to bed.

These are some tough times. Not just because of that. But no sleep definitely makes you grouchy and negative the next day.

I look forward to the time when I no longer have a body and am no longer here, quite frankly.

 

Yeah, plus the main reason I used it is to combat excruciating, ongoing, chronic loneliness.

 

Max, you can always delete your own posts.

'Beautiful day, isn't it?"

"YOU PROBABLY VOTED FOR BIDEN."

"Hi - do you happen to know where the hardware store is?"

"I would if this LIBERAL SNOWFLAKE GOVERNMENT knew how to build roads instead of lining their own pockets with taxpayer's money!"

"I heard we're gonna get some rain."

"FAKE NEWS!!!!!!!!!"

 

ha, I saw this headline this morning and clicked on it, then realized I created it.

And I wasn't even high.

Last night I had a pretty challenging date with a beautiful young lady with a drinking problem, who spent the whole date complaining about it and her weight. (And drinking, and getting more drunk and morose as the evening went on.) Then we stopped off at place where she got a little bag of cocaine, which, she says, would help her control her food. I just kind of rolled my eyes, but went with it. We've been friends through 5 years and two marriages (hers) and a new baby, year old Theo.

I said "Don't you see that's not the way? You need a rehab." But she's been to rehab. Again and again.

I told her "Sometimes you have to start the car a bunch of times before the engine turns over!!!"

She couldn't hear it.

I did get some nice kisses and hugs and that felt good. Just light stuff. It's nice to spend time with someone. She likes to have fun. She also likes me. "You're the most talented person I know." That's nice to hear. She also said "You're attracted to people in trouble." Accurate.

Anyway, woke up this morning very early, feeling very grateful NOT to be addicted, or a mess - not any more - to go swimming - something healthy people do - and thought "Wow, I'd like a little puff of weed, it would make the swim lovely."

But I didn't smoke. I got in the car and drove to the center, swam like a happy fish, and flirted with the girls, who flirted back.

And now I'm sitting here an hour later, back home, eating a beautiful egg-white omelette with broccoli and yellow peppers and onions and a sprinkling of feta cheese, and big cup of strong coffee. And then I'm gonna get on my motorcycle and drive 40 miles to my favorite coffee shop and work on my book proposal for a couple of hours and enjoy the beautiful sunshine. I didn't tell you guys I got a 1,000 word email from my agent, who flipped over the proposal, and me. Exciting times. Been working on the proposal for a year and a half, on my ass every weekend, every evening, every spare moment. Now it's paying off.

If I had smoked an hour ago, I would be crashing now, and woozy, and unclear and "draggy" the rest of the day.

Here is what I wrote to T, my date, this morning:

T I want you to know I had a nice time with you last night, despite hearing about your troubles, which break my heart. I woke up this morning smiling at "some say lovvvvveeee......" (The seat belt chime of my car is the first two notes of "The Rose" so every time it goes off I sing "Some say lovvvve/It is a riverrrrr") Please do not give up hope, please. Promise??

it is hard to listen to you be so mean to yourself but I know it's the addiction talking, not my friend.