Trans Relapse hello again depression.

Thank you for sharing. I stopped drinking for 5 years, so I have some understanding by alcohol killing my friend, and it tried to kill me with suicidal thoughts. I had to really focus on stacking days, 1 day at a time. I am on day 13 of no porn/apps/etc, this addiction is really hard as I have been using online since the age of 13. You should try to listen to some of the podcasts, "Consider before consuming". I also got into trans porn, but always found myself back to gay porno and having online affairs with a lot of different men.

 

You should realize that you're wasting your life, the only one you have.

God has nothing to do with that (luckily for you, because you know what happens who those who engage homosexual activity in the bible). The sooner you realize it the better it is.

 

I can't understand why people are bothered about having sex with trans escort's that mutch. I was also hooked on trans porn for years, and I am clean from porn for a long period of time. And you know what ? I would like to try sex with trans woman, just to see how it is. I don't see the reason for suicidal depression, bro. Just look at it from another (my) angle and embrace the expiruence. Keep strong but chill out, bro...

 

If you're feeling suicidal because of your sexual behavior that indicates a much more serious issue. Regret is understandable but we only act in our best judgment and what we want at that moment, and sometimes what we want doesn't really align with our values. It happens, be compassionate to yourself. Punishing yourself in the present day for a mistake in the past is just paying for it twice. You learned your lesson. I have to ask though, what is it about using an escort that makes you feel this way? Do you feel like its another type of addiction forming?

 

Your "angle" will only lead to an even worse situation. Its just a fetish, if he ACTUALLY was into that kind of thing, he wouldnt be feeling thag way. I know because i felt the same. I was so close to having sex with one. Sometimes im not sure if i really am that way or if its because of porn. So i suggest to go the full 90 days and beyond, then check if you still want to do that (obviously be careful of relapse)

 

I am the same way, mate. I feel porn had an educational aspect in this respect, in that it made me realise I was attracted to effeminate men.

My message to the OP is to embrace your bisexuality!

Fucking own it, mate!

Be proud, not ashamed!

 

These two posters do not realize how much porn can warp your sexual tastes in a way that is unrecognizeable from your genuine, not-addicted self. If he doesn't feel good about it, why encourage him to indulge more in this? Why just "owning it" when he feels a sense of shame afterwards? There's something in his brain telling him 'this is wrong, this is not me' and you both are trying to convince him that this is good/normal for him. Don't. He can think about his sexual orientation much better with a clearer mind, free of stuff like prostitution services or porn addiction.

Porn DOESN'T have an educational aspect. It's full of unnatural poses (watching p-stars talk about their work reveals this), sizes, camera angles, abuse (some heterosexual men are forced to perform in gay sex and vice versa, female p-stars are given anti-emetics not to throw up the sperm) and all the post-production available to make something grotesque feel normal or even desireable. That's why people get hooked on it, that's why people can't stop watching it. Stop kidding yourself, mate.

 

Exactly right.

 

Hey Bro! Have you considered making some changes to your lifestyle? Like waking up early, going for walk /working-out really helps in the fight with depression.

I know it's easy to say these things, and only the person who is suffering knows the pain. But we can only give suggestions to you, we cannot do anything else, You are the person in charge of your life, so only you can change your life. Believe in God, believe in yourself!

 

Couldn't agree with you more!

 

That some dudes escalate from straight to gay or trans porn is undeniable, but to infer that this is just a form of dopaminergic degeneration or moral/spirtual corruption is just a sneaky and subtle kind of homophobia, because it conveniently ignores the fact that you must possess a proclivity or receptivity for this type of content to find it sexually arousing. Not everybody is capable of these experiences, just as not everybody escalates to child pornography or bestiality, as if escalation was a linear process from bad to worse.

That is what I mean by calling this type of pornography educational, because this fact of same-sex attraction or homoerotic desire might be hitherto unknown to you, or even repressed because it doesn't align with hetronormative notions of masculinity.

But if this is too much for the OP to take, I advise he continues his strategy of praying the gay away, and perhaps God, in his infinite mercy, will grant him some respite from his forbidden desires.

 

The ONLY reason it became sexually arousing is after heavy porn use. Never have I, and i can gaurantee you most if not all guys never felt same sex attraction before escalation. The most likely reason why escalation leads down different paths is because factors like how young you were when you started, childhood experiences, etc are all factors. For me, i knew i liked girls in 3rd grade. And even after things started to escalate, i never found trans or femboys sexually arrousing in real life. Only ever online.

 

Proclivity and receptivity, which comes almost naturally after you consumed porn for a long enough time and desensitivized yourself to the more 'vanilla' ones. It may take years, but it eventually happens if you're a hardcore user. When I read these experiences it's always the same: "At first it was disgusting, but I tried it anyway. Later it became easier and easier, until it replaced every other fetish I had". Had plenty of people IRL acknowledging the fact they jack it to "futa" but still consider themselves perfectly straight.
And there is almost always a clear divide between "porn world" and "real world", as in "I will never try this in real life, but in porn everything goes".
So what if someone escalates into loli or underage porn? Are they pedophiles in denial? What if furry? Are they zoophiles in denial? Gender-bender? Are they trans/AGP in denial? Please. You're crapping on the (awful) experience of everyone here trying to rediscover their genuine sexuality after years of depression, porn overuse, bad self esteem, and so on and on.

What if OP's desire for T-sex comes from a rooted insecurity with cis women and his mind copes that way? What if when he solves these insecurities doesn't find them attractive anymore? There's a whole plethora of factors. Narrowing it down to simple homophobia (which on this site is scarcely on, since this kind of escalation affects gay people as well and in your book are just bisexuals in denial) is simplistic and in bad faith.

 

But there is no originary, essential, uncorrupted state of sexuality waiting for us after we have successfully completed a reboot, as if you could perform some kind of factory reset on yourself. You can't just write off all the years of porn addiction as if they never happened, like some kind of lost decade, or whatever. Sexuality is fluid, it shifts, it changes in the course of one's lifetime, and pornography, for better or worse, assists us in that journey.

Of course, most of us here now propose to remove the influence of pornography from our lives, but whatever we may do, we cannot go back in time, it is a mistake to think we can simply go back to who we were at an earlier stage of life to remove the inconveniences of a later stage. That is simplistic, that is bad faith.

All I am proposing, for a change, is that these gentlemen accept their own bisexual proclivities for the good of their own mental health. It does not mean they have to go out and suck a thousand dicks by tomorrow morning, but it does mean the dawn of a new reality and a shift in mentality.

 

There are multiple self-reports on this site that more or less disprove this. @modernstore99 was quite literally addicted to that sort of stuff (his story is in the "successes" section) and he believed that sissy way of life was his calling. Then one day he stopped PMO'ing to that, rebooted, and he was back to normal after finding a new girlfriend. I myself accepted those 'proclivities' as you say, when I was at the height of my escalation. I told myself 'well I'm a p*do' when I was 16, as I told myself 'well I'm bisexual' when I was emotionally blackmailed into an LDR (sort of?) with a femboy 1 year ago. A thing I am ashamed of to this day, because I was just craving romantic affection, in a difficult period of my life, of whatever kind.

Then I realized nothing except fetishes got me off, even though I was constantly seeking for a gf. Then I started to reason more on the motives that led me to what I did, and I explored my psyche better, discovering that all I did was because I was insecure of real contact with the other sex, and I projected that insecurity in anger, then in finding a "replacement" for the women I'd never have a relationship with (said I at the time, at least).
I also wanted to be more brave, and I projected that into more taboo and violent P.

P is a good servant (when in moderation) but a bad master. In my opinion, genuinity can be attained back. At the end of the porn addiction, you'll find what sticks and what doesn't stick, and by then you'll be at peace with yourself. If you do something and don't feel like absolute crap afterwards, then you're fine and dandy by then.
This OP? This OP is ashamed of his own actions, and I am not sure 'muh society' is to blame. And you, my guy, are being a tad presumptuous. Perhaps you came here only with the intention of stop compulsive masterbation, but here there are people who suffer with much, much worse.

No, that's simply wishing them to leave past trauma in the past and move on with a newfound self. Or rather, a found again self.

 

All this rhetoric of being lost and found, of a "fall" into porn addiction from a theoretical state of nature, is rooted in the discourse of religious mysticism. And we all know how religion approaches the question of sexuality: total repression by the early, imperceptible childhood inculcation of shame around matters of sexual decency and the body.

As I said, keep praying the gay away, and hopefully with a bit of luck God will work a miracle on your behalf to stop all these sinful, abominable, lustful desires form permeating your heart. He might even erase your memories.