The Jedi Temple (open)

Day 64 Jedi Master,
i am alone at home for a week... another step towards becoming more confortable with who i am, and leaving the chaos generating porn behind. i am afraid might feel like i need porn, but so far it has not been the case.

thank you.

 

Day 13, checking in.

 

Day 65,
woke up alone this morning. my private loneliness is expanding for a week, but let's do something i might feel proud of, let's get dopamine i know i will have in some productive maner.

 

553 days semen retention

 

Day 12 - Padawan

 

155 Days - Senior Jedi Council Member

 

Day 33 - Jedi Knight

 

Day 31 - Jedi Knight

 

12 days.

 

Day 14, checking in.

 

554 days semen retention

 

YES !

 

Day 66,
i have been working on a project this morning, it has been intellectually fulfilling (i am more of a "thinker" than a "senser") so i have been mostly focused all morning, not perfectly, but quite. i have some scheduled event today that is critical, so i have to give me some slack on the stuff i enjoy and show up on time.
i am still "butthurt" when some girl is not answering my texts, i hope i'll manage to find my way in dealing with my pain-like emotions (grief, disappointment, frustration, loneliness). writing about it certainly helped !

...connecting with you through the Force.

 

Day 34 - Jedi Knight

 

I am back! I set my counter to 12AM November 1st, 2021, for No Nut November. So that puts me at just over half a day. Since I was last on back in August 18th, I have PMO'd about 14 times, with this weekend being 3 of those 14 times. I have also MO'd an additional 10 times, and I have viewed without MO about 3 times. So in the last 75 day, I have had 58 days no P, 51 days no MO, and 48 days no P or M. I joined a recovery program that emphasized figuring out why we view, and while he encouraged MO as an alternative (as he says, if you are a pornography, masturbation, and sex addict, trying to cut out all three at the same time is a recipe for failure). I don't buy into the whole semen retention thing, but I have figured out the reasons why I view and MO, and I want to try cutting out the MO again. I found that by allowing myself to MO these past 75 days, that I can go days without touching myself when I am feeling confident. While I no longer think I am a compulsive MO'er, especially without P, I also realized that there are a lot of emotional reasons why I MO, and addressing those reasons will go a long way to reducing my sexual behavior. I find that I do not generally view P or MO on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays, which begs the question, why weekends? Well, I am lonely on weekends, and that causes stress. And what do I do when stressed? I PMO. So, if I want to end this addiction once and for all, I need to end the stress on weekends. That means setting proper expectations, getting out of the apartment, and keeping a fantasy journal to understand why I do what I do. Our fantasies are tied to our emotional state and now that I know why I view what I view, I want to expand that to what I am think just before (and godforbid after I MO) to understand what is going on. However, since it is No Nut November, I figure I would rejoin the forums for the month to practice self-discipline and understanding my emotional state. If (when) I make it through the month clean, I will reevaluate. Will I stay on the forums, or will I try other things? So my time on the forums may be temporary, or I may become a Mortis God. We shall see. It all depends on what I learn this month. However, I think November can be more than just a NoFap month, it can also be the month I get back into my positive habits. So we will see.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 3, youngling checking in. Gearing up for a great november!

 

Day 1/90 - Youngling. Let’s make this a great November!

 

DAY 61 of semen retention.
DAY 36 of no PMO.
DAY 1 of NNN.

 

Day 15, checking in.

 

Day 67

i had a great event yesterday... i played at a show. there was this girl that i invited. we have not seen each other for years. it felt so special. though she is "taken" we had physical play, as we went back home and at my house, the first time in my life it was so reciprocal and intense. there was great physical feedback. i am greatful... too bad we can't go further for the moment. now i know what they mean by "someone will find you".

ok so back to the lonely world. it is okay, she can't own me. i am an individual as she is.

sending you Love. thank you.