Get Rid of PORN in 2021.

What a Waste,

I feel like today could have been better, I mean the morning was good, I completed a Module of my study course but I was struggling to keep up with my routines, I woke up late, Actually I woke up extremely early "at 04:30" but it's lockdown and we can't go to parks or outside so guess what, I slept again and then woke up late, then I delayed my bathing routine and it was all messy after that, didn't do much and whole day was a complete waste.

Also I noticed that i was a little moody today, I was angry and frustrated in the evening, My mom got onto my nerves - she was talking all about how covid is all a lie and all that crazy stuff. She told me not to use antiseptic liquid while taking a bath, I don't even use it for corona, I use it because of the Jock Itch and trichomycosis, these two were the fruits Masturbation bore for me, Anyways, I usually handle these type of situations with sarcasm, but today I had almost lost it, I saw it coming but decided to walk away from the argument, which was a relief, because i would have felt bad anyways, regardless of the outcome.

Good parts are - I Ate healthy, I had a chance of smoking but i didn't, I chose otherwise, I bathed both times, washed my undergarments and practised a healthy bathing routine, spent time with my bike in the Yard...

 

the motivation that i somehow lost, feels like it's coming back.

Today was good, Followed all my routines- Watched a movie, Didn't Like it.

In the evening did my beginners workout, Will be refining it for my current situation.

I have setup tasks for tomorrow and will be focusing on them the whole day !!

Wish me luck.

 

Observed a healthy eating behavior today, Washed a pair of my shoes,

Took a nice healing NAP this afternoon,

Over the next couple of days, Will be focusing on improving my performance and sticking to my day tasks instead of procrastinating.
Will try to complete my tasks same day that i assign myself.

I am liking this new video-graphy-editing thing, it's becoming my obsession slowly, will see if i can turn this into a career, because i wanna work for what i enjoy doing, and not forcefully make myself sit in an office.

So all things considered today was a joy and I look forward to achieving even more tomorrow.

One day at a time.

 

So I woke up very aware of myself and motivated about my day, Completed my morning rituals and started my Study but as soon as i got one speed bump i left from my table and started procrastinating, Also one more reason for me not being able to focus is that fuckin' garbage trucks volume - God I hate the music they play !!

Health wise and self care wise, today was good, but productivity wise, NOPE !

Also I was having urges today, Still am, I have started watching NARCOS season 3 because I was getting bored and didn't want to study, I thought watching a series will make my mind shift. Urges don't last forever, they come and go so all i have to do is stick around until this phase passes.

 

MAN today was a roller coaster :

This fuckin' lockdown is making me crazy, It is impacting my growth and development during my REHAB, I feel like I am locked in a room with the DRUG that I'm trying to get rid of.

I had a slip up today, I curiously ended up to a place where i shouldn't have, It started on reddit and I was curious to see the Subject that was mentioned there and guess what "Curiosity Killed the CAT", Not gonna tell you guys what it was because not want to do what happened with me.

Anyways next thing i know I'm downloading PORN over the internet, So during the downloading everything came back to me, my progress my sacrifices and I started questioning myself Is it really what i wanna do, But I couldn't talk me out of it. So I moved the DRUG to my phone and started watching it, MID Fuckin' way I realised, NOPE I'm not gonna do it again, Not going to repeat the same behavior again and again and again and fuckin again,

I immediately got up from my bed, deleted the video file, cleaned my self up and went straight into the bathroom and turned on the shower. there I told myself NO, we are better than this, Anyways, I took the shower Calmed myself down and then Released the energy in a healthy way - For those of you who don't know, WE ARE NEVER SUPPOSED TO HOLD OR STOP THE VELOCITY IN OUR BODY, IT IS LETHAL.

Anyways I'm proud of myself that I could see what i was doing before it was too late. I blame all of this to the COVID situation, we are all locked up in our rooms, I am having focus issues man and people are dying everyday everything is depressing and I think that was the reason for my slip up today, Anyways Even if i slipped that doesn't mean I'm going to fall, After that I had Urges to watch porn but i told them to go fuck themselves.

Then at the end of the day I smoked as well, What a DAY !!

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Will be starting meditation from right this moment and will do it twice a day, In the morning and In evening, Every single day, all the schedules and routines will continue even more strictly now and tomorrow will create a workout routing which i can do indoors. These two things are extremely important during rehab.

 

Ohhkay, Obviously i was having a tough day...I could feel all the negative effects..

But, I am happy that I meditated this morning and will continue before sleeping now, had brush both times, bathed both times with proper method, Solved a problem i was stuck in while studying, had fun creating a video I was interested in, and ate and drank properly.

will be lying if I said i didn't have any urges... MAJOR.

Today was good, Happy face.

One day at a time.

 

You know, I'm having a packet of chips and a bottle of soda as my dinner tonight, because my Mom decided she's not gonna cook today, neither did she tell me that she has no intentions of cooking, instead she decided to spend her time in her smart phone,

Also, BIG news, I relapsed ... without working out its just hard, But the mistake was mine, Because I knew this will become a problem "The fact that they announced lockdown" and i didn't do anything about it, I had been struggling to keep up with my routines But i pushed through that so nothing there,

This sucks.

 

figured out the reason Mom was having cooking problems, I ignored how much work she had to do at home and after that she didn't have energy left to cook food, I took over some house errands and she is now back on track and makes the tastiest food ever.

Will slowly take over some more of house errands.

 

Starting Again !! Not really confident But I don't wanna Quit !!

 

Eyes automatically goes on to girls these days, their body and all, I guess my lust can now be seen on my face.
Anyways, It's going good.

Will go more strict from coming saturday.

 

I am sick. And it gets lonely when you're sick, It's weird though.

I had a dream today about me looking for a young prostitute, taking her to hotels and then so on...
Can't help but think about it now,

it was good though, because at-least now I'm dreaming about an actual human being, Before this I used to have lucid dreams about watching porn. I'm sure soon I'll be having dreams about real intimacy, A girlfriend, Someone I can lookup to for emotional support.

Anyways, It's going good, Been sick for a while now, comes and goes, because of which I am unable to focus on my workouts and meditation, Plus My house is a mess because of some construction we are getting done, which is also adding up to the irregular routines.

But I'm sure it will pass, as nothing is permanent.

 

So aroused today. For no reason. Plus Sick.

 

Just reset my counter, Relapsed a couple days ago, I was waiting for the chaser effect to pass.

Nothing new, same old behaviors and routine led me to porn, It was my fault honestly, I new It will lead me there but still i ignored it. Let just say I knew the outcome and I was helpless because of which I couldn't focus on my routines and discipline myself.

I saw it coming from miles away.

Starting again.

 

hello my friend I hope you will pass 90 days because after leaving 3-4 days I reset the day again I hope I will too

 

Will definitely take a look thank you very much.

 

Slipped again,

I was distracted because my house is a mess and While Fixing it and getting everything in order, I skip my routines.

Man, The moment i slip from my routines such as working out and other healthy alternatives, I Relapse.