The Jedi Temple (open)

oh yeaeeeyeah !

 

Day 72 yes !

I'M BACK !

i have been on a small holiday. refreshing ! now i have to deal with my "real life"... by the way i was sleeping with a girl (a friend nothing more, make no mistake) and i dreamt that somehow somewhere (anywhere) i masturbated. i woke up with no stain on myself so i guess we're still at it.

Day 72 !

see you tomorrow, over and out.

 

Day 6 no P

Day 1.875 no MO - Youngling

Nuff said

I have not been meeting my goals for a few days. However, that changes tonight. I intend to shower, read and journal in my three journals tonight. The reason I MO'd has a lot to do with a conversation with my therapist. We discussed my addiction, and he said that MO on its own is not bad as long as it is not interrupting my daily life and goals. I see where he is coming from and until with P I am not a compulsive masturbator. I have had a stunted sexuality due to my pornography use and I have completely associated MO with P which he thinks is unhealthy. I am inclined to agree, though it does lead to a conundrum. This challenge requires abstinence from from MO and P. There is no way to complete the challenge if you MO even on occasion, and while I am not morally opposed to MO, and think it can be healthy on occasion, I want to participate in the challenge. My therapist has known me for almost a decade and a half, and he knows my issues with my sexuality better than most, and I trust him more that all of you (no offense). So, with that said, my main think I get out of these challenges is not the motivation to "win" the challenge, but rather seeing everyone's posts. I would like to have complete control over my sexuality (both in a positive way, but also in a non-MO way, though I don't know if that has to do with my issues with some things that happened when I was 14, or if I am morally opposed to MO). So, that leads to this statement. I like posting about my journey to becoming free on here, and I like reading about all of your journeys too, so if it is okay with @Marcus Aurelius , I would like to continue posting and participating, even if my journey with no P is what I am focused on. I will not talk about MO at all, even if I do it. You will be able to see my counter, and if I make it say 7 then 30 and so forth, no MO, I will update my rank, but I want more importantly the community. I do not intend to just go out of my way to MO of course, but it feels shitty to have to admit I MO'd, when my main reason for being here is for the moral support from you all, as well as to get clean from P and P-subs for the most part. I know that acknowledging I might MO goes against the spirit of the challenge, but I love all of you and reading your journeys as well as sharing my journey. I will not discuss MO at all, my rank will be kept up to date, but I want to keep up to date with everyone because this is a very supportive group. (Honestly it won't change too much as we all reset a lot and my doing this is to reduce shame, though I will be participating, while remaining true to my support team's suggestions).

I know I have rambled, and I am willing to step away if my acknowledgment on MO being a possibility invalidates my being here, but I want to be here, so if I am still welcome, I would like to continue participating. My counter might not increase very quickly, but if I achieve bliss, I will be a Mortis God in no time.

Anyway, have a great day, all, and keep on keeping on.

Best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 40 - Jedi Knight

 

9 days
padawan

 

Day 21, checking in.

 

Day 73

 

Day 10 for this padawan, trying to learn from the jedi knights and masters as I tag along on missions and assignments and try to hone in on my connection to the force!

 

Day 41 - Jedi Knight

 

Day 22, checking in.

 

Day 74

for the last two days, i have tried to face the chaos in my life not caring about what i should do. i need a goal. what goal ? i'm afraid i already know : make music. but then i have to put it on my calendar. i guess i have to stop lying to myself. but i also have to make money for a living !

 

562 days semen retention

 

Day 42 - Jedi Knight

 

164 Days - Senior Jedi Council Member

 

who are you living with ? who are your relatives ?
i won't give you lessons on how to behave because, well today i behave improperly to my standards (no porn though)... you know better than us what's up with you. you have a routine that grounds you with work at least ! my family don't know either about my porn addiction, but i tried mentioning that to friends that i am "against it" and i'd prefer people to be together rather than alone, they don't seem to care that much about my porn use or masturbation...
have you ever spoken about porn to someone in the physical world ?

 

oh and i forgot ! THANKS for this great community you have hosted so far ! @Marcus Aurelius

 

I want to be a member of it. Consider me in the list.

 

Glad you're back, this isn't an easy path. It will be about two years in January for me since I first started, I've often wondered why I keep the fight up, it feels like such a job sometimes. Everyday I wake up and keep going, somedays are easy some are unbearable. Why do I keep trying even after two years even though I keep having setbacks? The first choice is to just give up and keep going down that rabbit hole of darkness which I absolutely refuse to do. THERE IS NO BOTTOM TO THAT HOLE. You think you're in a dark place now, think of yourself 10 years from now if you just give up. The second choice is to keep trying, analyze your setbacks and constantly adjust your strategy. Use every tool in the world, cold turkey, freedom, therapist even give your computer and phone to someone for a couple of days just to cool off. When you're fighting it you're not going down the hole, you've leveled off. Your not completely done with porn but you're not going down the hole further. Think of it as being in limbo. Not exactly hell but not exactly heaven either. So now I keep going looking for that last tier I guess, not going down the rabbit but not limbo either. Just free from that toxic world, I have to keep trying.