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How to help my SO's healing process because of my addiction

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by HappyCookie, Nov 4, 2021.

  1. HappyCookie

    HappyCookie Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys,
    So basically I successfully managed to get out of porn, 237 days and counting.
    My life is slowly but surely better, second best decision of my life (first was dating my SO).
    Big problem is that she got hurt a lot because of my addiction... Her body image especially. She's disgusted by herself, she thinks she's a PoS, she's ugly, she isn't worth it. The way she explained it to me, is that in her eyes, I chose porn over her, I chose fake actresses over her real self. Thus she must be lower than fake/garbage porn.

    So my question to people who experienced something alike is :
    -How can I help her heal?
    -What kind of therapy should we seek ? Couple's ? Sex counselling? Should we go alone?

    Any help would me immensely appreciated, it breaks my heart seeing her doubt how beautiful she is...
     
    Nugget9 and Red Riot like this.
  2. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    She can go to bloom for women on line. Getting to see a csat might help. You should get The book Worthy of Her Trust and dvd Helping Her Heal. Couples counseling is not recommended until you are in recover at least a year. She can also try EMDR for the trauma you caused her.
     
  3. p1n1983

    p1n1983 Fapstronaut

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    Is not your job to fix her. A healthy woman with good self steeam is not going to feel this way if his SO consume porn.
    People with good selfesteem find it within themselves, they don't need everyone elses approval. They will definitevely don't feel unwanted if just one person don't find them attracted, because they know their value they just move on to another person that find them attractive. Your woman definitevely need other people approval to feel worthy, that's unhelthy for a relationship and life in general. Is really hard to date a woman like this and is considered a red flag in general.

    What you can do as a man is to get your own shit together (like you are doing with porn) and show her with day by day actions that this porn stuff is no more part of your life and she is the one that you are attracted to and take care of day by day by dating her properly.

    If you do all that and she still unsecure and with low-selvesteem theres nothing you can do, that her own problem to fix. Or she trust in you and your actions that you are only into her or you are better of with a woman with a healthy selfesteem. This is a red flag from her part, and is important for her to work in that so you can have a healthy relationship like you did with porn. If she doesn't and blame this on you, that's another red flag (not taking responsability) and then I will definitevely move on to a woman that have his shit together.
     
  4. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Please do not listen to p1n1983, unless you want to further destroy your relationship. As a couple, our actions do impact one another. Listen to the experts in the field of Sex addiction ( Weiss, Carnes, Dr.Skinner). This is not merely her insecurities. You did choose porn and lie and destroy her ability to trust you. That’s what you need to fix. You cannot fix her, only she can do that, however, you caused the damage and trauma, getting into recovery will help her. I think you know this.
     
  5. RedeemedIowan

    RedeemedIowan Fapstronaut

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    Years of committed recovery and honesty is how you help lay a foundation on which she can build security. Years not months.

    Listen to @Psalm27:1my light
     
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  6. happenstance

    happenstance Fapstronaut

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    First of all, congratulations on 237 days. That’s nothing to frown about. That’s awesome.

    She feels like and seriously doubts that she is enough. I get it. We’ve all been there. I have a couple of thoughts on this. One is one that I learned from someone who became an awesome friend to me when I needed it most. However only make suggestions to her if she is open to suggestions from you. We don’t much trust those who have betrayed our trust so that makes it difficult for you to help us.

    If she is open to suggestions I would suggest she do affirmations. There is a right way and a wrong way to do them. The right way is to do them consistently over time. If you do them and stop in a month or so you’re selling yourself short. It’s like going to get your nails done and stopping half way through it. It would have been better not to do anything at all.

    If I were a man in your shoes I would approach it like this. I would reassure her that she is more than enough whether she believes it or not. Don’t do this once but repeatedly over time. And when you feel like it’s been enough time do it some more. The next thing I would do if she is open to discuss it is to tell her you’ve been doing a little research to see what you can do to help and this is what you’ve found. It’s important for her to know that you’ve been scouring the earth to find help for her even if you can’t help her. Those efforts are important for us to know because they reinforce that you genuinely care for us. Either way be very humble about it.

    The bottom line is you have wounded her and in order for those wounds to heal she must treat them properly. There is a book he once recommended a few years ago but I cannot remember the name of it. It was about forgiveness. If you search amazon I’m sure you would stumble across it. Maybe someone else can remember the name of it?

    I applaud you for your efforts and hope and pray that she finds forgiveness in her heart. You’re trying and that’s what really matters the most to her.

    The only thing pin1983 said that I completely agree with is that it’s not your job to fix her. “A healthy woman with good self steeam is not going to feel this way”. Well no shit! She is just as brainwashed to believe she is not enough as he was to believe PMO was harmless. Tell a lie often enough people begin to believe the lie is the truth. This isn’t just human nature. Treat any animal unfavorably and see how much different they act towards you. This is a function of the primitive part of the brain that regulates the fight or flight response. Essentially he has caused her to develop a brain disease that she must treat and anyone who has a brain disease needs outside help to recognize that they have one so that they are receptive to treatment. If I treat you as though you are a worthless human being eventually you will come to believe that you are. This idea that they just move on to another person that finds them attractive is extremely naive. In fact you even contradict yourself when you say that we will “find it within themselves” and then turn around and say a “woman definitely needs other people approval to feel worthy”.

    Telling him “to get your own shit together”...I pretty much think he is well on his way for that don’t you think? If he is 237 days clean I’d say he is well on track which is more than I can say for most of you here. But there is no connection between him coming clean and being attracted to her. None.

    Dating her properly? Now I know that going out on date night for a married couple is a fun filled experience for both of us. What is this supposed to mean anyway? Or do you mean treating her like his bride?

    To say if he does all of this and she remains insecure and continues to have low-selvsteem is also short sighted. There’s always something he can do. Not to fix her. But to help her. I find this whole idea that “you are better off with a woman with a healthy selfesteem”...again no shit! He created this monster.

    You speak of all these red flags only it is you that created and planted them. So your solution is to sever the relationship if she can’t get over it forgive him and get her shit together? I’m sure she has wounds of her own but there is no shortage of them that he created. This idea that you broke it and she has to go fix it is so self-centered selfish and resembles nothing remotely healthy in a committed relationship.

    I’m in a very healthy place today thanks to an old friend. And with what I have learned from him I would definitely set boundaries on my relationship with you if not sever it altogether for the toxicity you bring into it. No need to reply. Or do. I don’t care. I’ve seen far too many of your responses exhibiting this very kind of attitude and I’ve said my piece about it.

    Happycookie if you want to become successful just ignore the man behind the curtain.
     
  7. sotiredofthis

    sotiredofthis Fapstronaut

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    Oh thank you. I just read his post thinking you’re kidding me right?? That guys never going to fix things with that attitude.
     
  8. HappyCookie

    HappyCookie Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for those leads, would you mind explaining what a CSAT is? I'm from Europe so I'm not familiar with that accronym

    You're right, I'm the only one responsible for all the damages I caused... I'll take a look at those experts you mentionned. Hopefully I can rebuild her trust ! thanks for your input


    At least I'm fortunate enough that she didn't dump my dumb*ss. Slow but steady wins the race as they say, thanks for your input

    @happenstance Thank you for the thorough message, I'll look into the "affirmation process". I'm willing to go above and beyond to help her heal, but it's a tough process, as you said I'm the one who did the damage so she is reluctant to get input from me.
    Thanks, it has not been easy, and is still someday a real struggle, I also have almost no one to talk to about this journey, as it's frowned upon/laughed at where I live

    Thanks a lot for everything you wrote.

    Thanks for your help guys, from the bottom of my heart
     
    Nugget9 likes this.
  9. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Teaching her why porn addiction happens and the brain mechanisms that allow it might really help. It's not a her thing at all, it's a you thing, but more specifically you having parts of your brain that evolved from really horny lizards. Take a look at these articles and then read them through with her. I'll also make some points you can talk to her about.

    Start here for an overview of key concepts

    I’m straight, but attracted to transsexual or gay porn (or gay attracted to straight porn). What’s up?

    Educating your therapist

    Rebooting with a partner: What about sex?

    What do I say to my mate?

    Porn-induced ED: What do I tell my girlfriend?

    What if my partner is a porn addict?

    Neuroscience-based studies on porn users and sex addicts

    Why did my porn use escalate?

    Why is the idea of sexual variety so enticing?

    What are the symptoms of excessive Internet porn use?

    How is Internet porn different from porn of the past?

    You Evolved to be Hooked on Porn

    What’s Driving Your Addiction?

    Relationships and Porn

    Sexuality and the Brain

    Intimate Relationships and the Brain

    Porn addiction is caused by the lizard brain, which is not very smart yet is in charge of arousal and pleasure. The lizard brain instead uses "clues" to determine how aroused or pleasurable it should feel. When you watch porn your human/conscious and mammal neural networks know it isn't a real human in front of you, so they don't release oxytocin or serotonin, which happens in real life. However, you lizard brain sees body parts, boobs, skin, vaginas, penises, mouths, and other shit that tricks it into thinking this is a human, and makes you feel aroused. If any individual "clues" are perceived to be extreme or rare, they produce a disproportionately high amount of arousal, even if they don't fit in with the rest of the body or you can tell they are fake. It's what makes boob jobs so hard to look away from even though they say nothing to that women's genetic breast size, unhealthily skinny (or even fat) women look so alluring even though they're literally less fit partners, and why porn with really large penises is so stimulating, even for men. It's not you that thinks those things are really hot, it's your lizard brain. Ofc you need to take control and not let your lizard brain make decisions, but that's gonna take time. In the meantime you need to make the extra effort to build trust again through direct affirmations and through actions that show how much you appreciate her body and wanna fuck her.

    It shouldn't be too hard to show her how much you love her body, especially if you're making a point to like the parts of her she's insecure about, but women can sense BS pretty well. If she's insecure about her stomach size and you tell her you like it, it might help a little, but it may not do much. If you're about to cum and you grab her stomach and hold her skin as you explode and moan, that'll make her feel good haha. Don't say anything, but after sex hold and tough her in areas she feels insecure about, like her hips, arms, etc. Make it gradual, she may think something's up if you change things way too quick.
     
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  10. happenstance

    happenstance Fapstronaut

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    Good grief. How much is yourbrainonporn paying you? You’re a walking talking advertisement for them.

    One thing is certain. It shouldn’t be too hard to show her how much you love her body. Hell isn’t that what you boys have been doing since puberty? We don’t want you to show us how much you love our fucking body. We want you to show us how much you love US for Christ sake.

    Yeah I always love for my husband to reach around and grab my belly fat from having a child when he moans and cums. What a turn on...NOT! Honestly where do some of you come up with this shit? Will all SO’s please come forth and affirm this notion because I sure as hell won’t.

    Speaking of affirmations she needs to do them herself. Not you! A very good CSAT taught me that. When you learn about them it becomes clear why.
     
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  11. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Hahaha I'll admit not my best line, but I do know from experience that if my girlfriend tells me she's insecure about a certain area of her body, I make efforts to pay attention more to that area, during sex and during other times. I'll lay my head on her stomach when she's lying down, stuff my face in her boobs, and grab and feel her calves during sex. I don't want her to have a beer belly haha, but she's gone from being insecure about a little weight gain during Covid to feeling a lot more confident in herself and actually more motivated to exercise. She doesn't like how her calves look so I just do shit with them during sex aha. It's made her feel a lot better about them, and it's actually worked out more for me because she's starting to wear heels more and I think it's hot af hahaha.

    And yeah I agree his partner needs to learn to be confident in herself through her own actions and thought processes, but there are ways to help her there. Loving someone is great, but knowing people like certain things about you that you do't really like can help a lot. I used to be really insecure about my height and some of my features, and it made me a little toxic and salty. But I had sex with a few women who would say I was really hot, how the loved my features, and how I just made them really horny, and that's stuck with me! I do the same things with my partners, and if they don't catch on in the long run, not a lot I can do.
     
  12. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    Yup, it just feels like another lie or manipulation. If I know I have fat rolls or a belly, having him touch and say how sexy it is, is the very last thing I want. Nothing my lying husband says is going to make me feel good, because, well he lied so much in the past why would I believe him now? It’s only when I work on myself and come to like or appreciate me for the incredible and unique person I am, that I begin to feel good.
     
  13. happenstance

    happenstance Fapstronaut

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    Modernstore99, if you don’t mind I would like to break down your response so that you can understand it from our point of view. Something I learned from an old friend.

    Stop saying “hahaha”. We don’t see anything remotely funny about it.

    If your girlfriend is telling you she is insecure about a certain area of her body, she isn’t seeking your attention to it...and especially during sex. We know your efforts are only a reaction to what we told you and not because you took a genuine interest and initiative so it doesn’t seem real to us. We just want you to understand and empathize with us. Don’t try to fix it. We don’t want you to fix it. Our weight gain is our own journey of healing. Not yours.

    Do you even realize how much emphasis you place on sexualizing her? I mean she’s more than just your object of sexual gratification. In this reply alone you said “during sex” four times. We get it. Your focus is entirely on sex. Not us. You don’t want her to have a beer belly? We don’t want you to have a limp dick either. But our focus isn’t on your limp dick. It is focused on why we simply aren’t enough. Case in point the beer belly comment. I think it’s fair to say all of us are overly conscious of our weight and I certainly hope you aren’t reminding her of it which I suspect you are considering your followup comment on exercise. Is her motivation hers or yours? You do shit with her calves during sex? Do you seriously believe that turns us on and makes us feel sexy? I don't think it makes any of us horny. I think it makes us tell you so as to patronize you in much the same way you patronize us. Then you go into the whole because she’s starting to wear heels more nonsense. HINT: We don’t wear heels because we like them. We don’t wear the damned things for us in case you had any misconceptions about it. You even said “I think it’s hot”. Well “I think it is uncomfortable and is bad for our feet”. Historians will look back at us a hundred years from now and wonder what were we thinking wearing these damned things.

    I would love for all of you men here to think long and hard about this because you just don’t get it. WE DON’T WANT NOR NEED YOUR HELP! You’ve done enough. What we do want is for you to recognize your own faults how your behavior has literally destroyed us in so many ways and focus on yourselves and your own recovery. Regardless of what you try to portray here you’re just not there. Do that. That’s what turns us on. As for the rest just stop. If you can’t even help yourselves what makes you think that you can help us?

    We can clearly see that you are toxic and salty. We also don’t want to hear about all of your sexual liaisons with all of these other women and how you made them really horny, etc. Worse is utilizing that as a positive example for other men who are trying to heal only extends the problem beyond yourselves onto someone else and that is detrimental to their recovery and relationship. I assure you if he follows the advice given by you all will result in his relationship demise.

    Last I want you to really take a good hard look at your final sentence. You’ve pretty much utilized the statement “I do the same things with my partners, and if they don’t catch on in the long run, not a lot I can do.” What are they to catch onto? Sex? Really I think we’ve got that one down. We can’t catch on because we simply don’t subscribe to your focus on us as the object of your sexual gratification. We don’t want to. We want you to focus on US as a woman as a human being. If and when you figure that out then we’ll sincerely believe you are in recovery.

    And if you don't catch on in the long run not a lot we can do.
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2021
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  14. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Sorry I'm laughing because I'm nervous now and that's how I deal with situations where I mess up. I'll admit it isn't my best line of advice. Reading it back it's pretty bad, but I'll leave it up so people can see you two roasting me because it was a pretty bad take.

    @Psalm27:1my light
    The comment about me trying to "fix it", "it" being her insecurities, is a recurring theme with me. Men tend to be very task and goal oriented, and I think I showcase that even stronger (not because I'm more manly, just because of the way I was raised and my interests, women in my family are like that too). My girlfriend and other people have told me I'm a good listener, and I think that's true, but I also tend to just go on my own and try to fix any problem I see. It's a blessing and a curse. I guess me doing these things is an instinctual response to me seeing she has an issue: She is insecure about X, I'm gonna show her I like X a lot.

    I'm also not sure that I believe the point about people insecure about X not wanting attention called to it. Isn't it a cliche that people ask their partners about things because they're insecure but want attention drawn to that part of their body. "Babe does my butt look good?", "Babe do my arms look big?", "Babe do I look skinny in this?" I feel like this is pretty common. I feel like my girlfriend saying "Is my butt is looking a little saggy?" is like an invitation to give her some extra attention down there.

    I agree this may not be the most mature dynamic, but we are also in our very low twenties, just out of college. We're horny degenerates figuring ourselves out. We both look pretty good, and it's honestly almost silly for her to ask me questions about her looks because she's nearing the peak of her attractiveness, and it's something that's important to her. I empathize that she's insecure, but I guess this is just my gut instinct to solve it. She doesn't need weight gain healing journey; in fact she used to be very out of shape before we started dating and now she looks fantastic.

    I understand that she's not my sex doll. It does kinda feel good for both of us to be sexualized, especially at this point in our lives. I like to be sexualized just as much as her. She's perfectly capable of motivating herself. She used to be very overweight before we dated and she was able to get to a very healthy place without me, so she definitely doesn't need me to help her. Idk if me giving her calves some kisses during sex makes her feel sexy, but I hope it lets her know I don't think they're ugly! I think women feel horny when they're relaxed and confident, so any way I can make her feel confident works for me.

    Yeah she started wearing heels a little more and I like it, but I absolutely did not ask her to do so, I just responded to her new choices. Several months ago when we got more serious she started asking me what outfits I wanted her to wear, particularly if I wanted her outfits to be more conservative or salacious. I said that was kinda weird and I didn't want to tell her what to wear. She said she wanted to me like her outfits, and I said I always like her outfits when she's in them, just sometimes in different ways. Idk why but I love when she wears turtlenecks, her office clothes, and just like other adult outfits. Idk why they just make me horny hahaha. I like her heels too, but she doesn't wear them all the time, just like for special occasions. Maybe I should have made it clear she hasn't started wearing them all the time, maybe like once every two weeks for a night out.

    I agree that the above was not my most thought out opinion. Not going to try and defend it very much.

    I don't like being called names and adjectives though. I understand that my advice is probably pretty bad for people that are married or those that are older, but that's just not my situation or that of many others on this forum. Not everyone is a married man who's porn addiction threatened their marriage. Some of us became addicted to porn at very young ages, and we're basically stunted in our sexual development. Sexualizing my girlfriend a lot and being happy that she's hot is honestly a pretty immature mindset, but when you think about it, my sexual lifestyle is really young compared to my peers.

    I basically had no sexual interactions or development once my porn addiction took hold of me when I was 15, and it lasted until I was 19. Porn was literally my only sexual outlet in the horniest time in my life. Do some sketchy math and you can take my sexual development to be 4 years younger than me, or that of an 18 year old, which isn't the most ridiculous theory. When I did my first reboot and started dating my then girlfriend, we were extremely childish and infatuated with each other. Looking back I made some really dumb decisions because I literally had no experience and no ability to distinguish between love, lust, infatuation, and simple affection. After we broke up I was a sexual fiend for a while. Now I'm with my current girlfriend, and I'm definitely more mature, but I still have four less years of experience than my peers.

    The problem is that it's really inappropriate for me date someone with the same amount of sexual development as me. I might be in the same developmental sphere as someone 4 years younger than me, but me dating an 18 year old is just not good on so many levels. Things will get different as I get older and gaps of experience are less problematic, but I can't do that right now, just like a lot of others on that site. Until then we have to adapt.

    I'm sorry I upset you both, my take wasn't great, needed more context at best, totally wrong at worst. I think our differences of circumstance, age, and relationship is playing into our disagreement. From my experience most people on NoFap are young men with little to no sexual experience/wisdom, few available partners + low partner retention, and just no idea how to engage with partners. The advice for those guys is going to differ wildly from advice for married men who really betrayed and hurt their partners and need to strengthen their marriages. I'm catering to the young guys who are recovering and have no experience, because I was there a short while ago. I guess I could make that more clear next time, but I don't think my advice was that hurtful or degrading enough to call me names. I'm willing to talk about it more.
     
  15. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    You didn’t upset me. Communicating through messages is difficult! Truthfully this forum is full of people in ALL age groups but you focus on younger because you are so young. Go look at the 40+ journals and determine that you will not become one of them. You have a great opportunity to improve yourself while still young. Perhaps your girlfriend likes the attention, but many, many women do not want their so to focus on body parts. Yes we want to be desired but even more important is to feel like we are truly loved for our personhood not our breast or sexual prowess. This becomes even more important as we age because everything screams we are not desirable or loveable if we don’t meet a certain sexual/beauty standard. Way more than a man will ever encounter- men age like fine wine and women just age. Look at the advertising, even advertisements geared towards older 50+ women use 20-30 year old models! But men? They use age appropriate men for the same thing. Anyway, I wasn’t upset, just sharing a completely different point of view.
     
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  16. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    I know that I won't become like the people in the 40+ reboots section because they did not go through what I went through when I was 15-19. When those guy were 15, the internet porn they saw looked more pixelated than the original Mario Bros game. The porn that I watched at 15 was almost hypnotizing me to wear lingerie, stick dildos in my ass, suck my own dick, and get HRT. Check out my whole story here: Am I a Sissy?? (Actually a good story with happy ending, trust me, read the whole thing)

    Whatever your husband is going through is not what me and other guys are going through. People my age are the guinea pigs for this recovery journey. None of us know if it will work, but I know that I'm pretty happy and fulfilled compared to4 years ago, and that's really valuable when new and worsening porn addiction symptoms are popping up every day. Your husband's story is helpful, truly, but it's not what we're going through. We have issues now. We don't even worry about getting married because our brains are so wired to porn we don't even know ho to interact with real people. We can't get erect at all when we try to have sex at 19 years old. These are new issues, and we need new solutions to just get by without feeling complete dread and isolation every day.
     
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  17. happenstance

    happenstance Fapstronaut

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    Neither was I upset. I'm confused though. You mention calling you names...I haven't gone back and read it all but I would be very surprised if I called anyone a name. I just don't do that so if you saw me do it I apologize and and make a retraction.

    BTW happy ending was a very poor choice of words.

    Look it was very mature of you to respond the way that you did. But don't get so cocky and sure of yourself that 40+ won't happen to you when you wake up at 40+ and find you are there. But at your age you do have a tremendous opportunity of a lifetime to eradicate this from your life forever easier than any other time in your life. Once your prefrontal cortex is fully developed it becomes increasingly difficult from what I have learned. I wish you guys had the luxury of my resources. He was amazing.

    Some of the things you're doing in your early twenties she is going to grow tired of in the next few years. It will become "I want more" meaning I want much more than sexual gratification can provide. When we learned about intimacy...more specifically when he learned about intimacy OMG our world changed radically.

    I wish you all the best.
     
    Psalm27:1my light likes this.
  18. Psalm27:1my light

    Psalm27:1my light Fapstronaut

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    I believe it is very similar. The only difference is you guys are experiencing your problems with addiction sooner, however, you can get help, whereas men in the 40+ didn’t even realize what they were doing was damaging. So now, they have decades of addiction/habits/stunted growth. My husband at 53 is stunted to about the same age you are. He was stuck at 15. Until he got into recovery. The battle may have some differences, you wired your brain to porn much easier. They however also wired to porn, just less access, but a much longer time frame for addiction. It’s ALL bad. You have an opportunity that many in the 40+ did not learn about.
     
  19. Nugget9

    Nugget9 Fapstronaut

    Keep your attitude right and ensure her that she is worth it. My SO has saved me from this addiction. It is something that we should all be aware of and that what is real and what is not. Go to my previous posts and things and message. Good luck on your journey.
     
  20. modernstore99

    modernstore99 Fapstronaut

    Calling me toxic and salty is what I was referring to.

    And believe me, if you were addicted to being a sissy as much as I was, ANYTHING else is a a happy ending. I'd choose to be a 50 year old in a nearly broken marriage than get rehooked on sissy porn. I think it was partially by chance that my recovery went this well. Go look up "sissy" in the search bar and see the types of behaviors, thoughts, and urges other guys with the addiction have. NO ONE SHOULD EVER DO THIS, but to prove my point about how bad the shit is I'll PM you links to some of the sites I used to literally watch for 8+ hours a day. I'd only stop when the blood from the blisters on my penis was causing a mess.

    Let me rephrase what I think about my future. I know I won't end up in the same place as your husband not because I'm better or because I got this out of my system earlier. I'm just a random jackass, and I still get urges all the time, although I'm glad to say they've been decreasing for the last 3 years. The path your husband went down is just completely different than mine, with different challenges, circumstances, and decisions he has to make. As far as I'm concerned I'm going to carry this stuff with me for the rest of my life.

    And I know that some of the things I do now are not things she wants me to do if we stayed together longer. I feel the same about her; there's plenty of things I pretty much expect her to change if I wanted to be together permanently. But we're both 20, we're figuring ourselves out, and we're learning what type of people we are. We have no idea if we want to be together forever. If you gave us both the option of either getting married right now or never seeing each other again, we would definitely both go with never seeing each other again. Some people are meant to stick with you forever, and other people are meant to be part of your life temporarily, setting you up for that person you are supposed to be. Neither of us know which we are supposed to be for each other, and it's challenges and situations like this that will let us know.

    I agree that I am dealing with my issues sooner, but studies are showing the porn-related issues are increasingly worse and more common in younger men. As people age, they're less likely to have issues and have easier recoveries on average.

    Research confirms enormous rise in youthful ED

    What do experts tell young guys suffering from ED (the good & the bad)

    Studies linking porn use or porn addiction to sexual dysfunctions, lower arousal, and lower sexual & relationship satisfaction

    Started young on Internet porn and my recovery from erectile dysfunction is taking too long.

    How is Internet porn different from porn of the past?

    And again, the issues I need to overcome at this time in my life are different than the ones your husband is facing for multiple reasons.
     
    Dr.J_76ers likes this.

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