Lonely. Please Help 'cause i have no clue at all

Wassup guys... i'm on the road to recovery but i'm so down

My social life is struggling too much, not saying that i need a girlfriend but am so clueless when it comes to getting girls to like me. Many times i've been friendzoned since i didnt know how to transition into intimacy but it's like i never learn.

Won't blame it on being ugly or anything.... sometimes girls look my way and it's like am anxious and just want to hide from them... don't know what to do when a girl looks my way and even when i try, this overwhelming fear of rejection comes into my mind........
There's a girl that was sort of like looking my way smiling and when i made a move, she acted like i was bugging her or something, situation was way too awkward that i felt like i wanted the ground to swallow me....
i'm abit religious but not in any church social groups, have no close friends amd i even fear stepping to a girl because i think i'll give it away and get friendzoned since that's the only thing i get from girls

feel like am whining here but please help
give me some honest answers
1) i don't know where to meet girls
2) am too afraid even to step up to a girl
3) i don't know what to say, i have totally no pickup lines
4) i get friendzoned all the time and i don't like it
5) don't know how to act when a girl looks my way, maybe am too anxious
6) my social life is non existent

am rebooting but i sometimes need someone to talk to, nights are very dark... i have to deal with massive urges and i can even go a week without anybody checking on me or trying to know how am doing... sometimes i lose it.

i miss the girl i was trying to get, she friendzoned me and she was kinda selfish..... she would never call, and even after i stopped talking to her without any arguement she has never taken time to even checkup on me and yet i was there for her during her stressful times... its like she would take and never give.

i need some skills guys, i want to improve my social life coz i've been alone so long that am starting to lose hope if i'll get a girl.

 

You said ask... the question is what do i ask or how do i even start that conversation if i like the girl, what do i say to give her the idea that i even like her..... i'll be a baby abit 'cause am clueless at this dating thing. it's been a very long time of frustration that i think if i walked up to a girl and she wasn't into it i'd probably get frustrated and rude and walk away from her angrily

 

All am asking for is some skills that have worked for you so that i can also apply them

 

yeah i would like to sort of forget all i've been through and just start again but that's not possible..... sometimes as a grown up u realise you can't run from shit but face it and go through it.... that thing with that girl ended, i should swallow that pill and move on. On the side of social interactions... i think i should maybe stop looking out for a porential mate, maybe just hang out if i get any friends and have fun, then the opportunity will show itself..... i struggle with PMO and tgat gets me very down.. am working on going to church again and going to different social settings 'cause i think its hard to know or get a girl by just hijacking her off the road as she walks, u kinda turn off as creepy and they get defensive....maybe if i join some club or sonething where there's plenty of them i could stnd a chance to talk and improve my social skills

 

well friend i have no friends in the real world that i could talk to about this, you speak ur mind and maybe tell someone what you're going through and since they don't understand it or have better fulfilled lives, they'll start looking at you funny... like ur not serious or maybe ur some weird guy and i don't like that.... the world is ruined that way, that i can't ask a fellow guy how he gets girls 'cause he'll probably be like just talk to them......
i wouldn't have come here if i could get the answers.....

just needed help from some people that understand the anxiety, depression, anger, social emptiness that a PMO sufferer goes through.

just want to improve my chances with girls

 

Thanks man... and to all the other guys out here.... feel like there is a needy and emotionally torn part inside of me and most times it's gotten in my way with girls, sometimes i overthink and take stuff too serious and i look back at all my experiences and that doesn't help. For example i could shun talking or smiling at a girl thats walking and looking straight up at me coz am carrying around all this shame, guilt and fear of rejection and yet its not about that moment.... its about making a first inpression..... which i have lacked most times

today i tested myself, there's this girl that in the past have met many times, made eye contact and just walked off.... cause i was afraid of course to stop her or say something.... so today i saw her working somewhere, talking to a workmate and didnt think through it, just rode in got off my bike and decided that no matter what i'd talk to her and let her know of my presence....
so i step up, kindly tell the guy(her workmate) that i'd like to talk to her for a few and there it was, we talked... i complimented her and asked for her number to see if i could see her again.... called her shortly after leaving to see if she gave the right contact and it worked. i didnt overthink, i didnt apply the fear of my past rejections, and as i walekd into that door i had this do or die i don't care attitude about how it panned out.

Sent her a first message, kept it simple... she hasnt replied of yet but am not that worried, not going to text her twice before she replies... will call her to set up a casual date coz the goal is to ask her out and if she doesnt reply, it'll be onto the next one.

My esteem has been quite low, maybe due to PMO and i relapsed already on the nofap November challenge... but am starting again and hoping to put away all that keeps me down

 

True man, i've always been that creepy guy that's had dinner or lunch from the same place for quite a while and no one even knows my name or much about me, i don't know if its possible but on the outside i look like a rock, a guy with a bad ass attitude and yet on the inside am craving for social connection..... i once heard that its the fear that fills inside of us that makes one look like a bad ass they're not, we're just scared of being vulnerable and showing our weak sides....

its not right to also always want to be in a relationship.... so am working on building small talk in random places to build my social skills, use my abilities , amd knowledge among girls so that they could love and care incase i've got something genuine to offer, not just running after and chasing after them(thats needy)

guess that's why my previous love interest left and has never cared to call or ask how i'm doing.... was maybe too needy that i laid it all at her feet, there's nothing more she'd like to know

 

Goal now is to focus on recovery and understand that a rejection from some girl doesn't mean its the end for me, i was surprised by myself yesterday..... i just walked up to a girl... got her away from her friends... talked to her and got her number... fuck it if she replies...... guess i'll be testing myself a little bit more.....

Guess after 14, 30 days of nofap, there'll be more to come

 

Right... working on that, working out... pushups mostly... eating right.. sleeping earlier and reading good books as a substitute for PMO, youtube and instagram that have always dragged me down

 

thanks man, Who's the author of Rational Male so i could look it up....

had previously read abit of no more mr nice guy but kinda fell off.... going to read again.....
its a mistake in society, for me its kind of pressure from friends and family.... they always bring up the dreaded ask as to why you have no girlfriend while others are doing just fine in their relationships.....
but after a life of mistakes, the biggest one would be to give up on personal goals and focus on getting that girl, but then i ask myself what next after you get her, life continues.....

thought about giving myself 6 months, even a year without looking for any romantic involvement.... just working on myself, focussing on myself and recovery but av always gone back to the status quo...
but thanks for the advise... i know am needy and have got plenty of emotional holes that need filling, working on reducing that