Stuck in 1-14 day purgatory for over a year now. Attempt at 30 day streak

Les do it

 

This is my first time using nofap and I think that’s a good idea. I will as well.

 

22 days is the furthest I've gotten, so what I'm about to say is second hand info. But I have heard a lot of people say the first 3 weeks is really tough and then it gets a bit easier. Idk how true that is though - I'm on day 22/23 now and am having really strong urges!

 

Day zero.

I'll join with ya in trying to reach Dec 10.

 

The noose sounds like a bad thing to be doing. Probably the worries are driving the depression and also the urge to PMO. Scopolamine works well for me sometimes. I can take a little and the depression/anxiety completely vanishes in 10 minutes many times. The relief lasts at least a couple of hours, and then I usually am not severely depressed again for 24 hours.

Ketamine acts very similarly to scopolamine.

Sometimes I can get some mild relief from eating a few squares of 100% dark chocolate. Also there is CBD and l-theanine.

I read an article about zinc as an antidepressant. Tricyclic antidepressants also might work better than the modern antidepressants. There is another one I read about called Brintellix/Trintellix/vortioxetine.

Just random ideas. I don't know if you have a relationship with a psychiatrist or doctor who is willing to prescribe things for you to try. I don't, but hopefully maybe you might?

Try not to fantasize about suicide. To be honest, I think wistfully about suicide at least every other day, but I don't think it is good to fantasize - especially using a noose like you mention.

If you can fix your brain chemistry with some medicine then your problems will not seem to big. It's all chemicals in my opinion. Yes, we have problems and traumas and things, but mostly it is chemicals.

 

Friend,

Peace.

I am sorry to hear about your troubles, but I am glad to hear about your resolve! I will help as I might.

My simple advice is to get a lot of in-real-life accountability for the diverse difficulties that you have shared. Please, you must let trusted people know about some of these things. A lot of the difficulties are beyond my expertise.

I have been severely depressed in the past, & I have even considered suicide in the lightest degrees possible (mainly in my early youth)--but these experiences do not merit much in the ways of expertise. I do not know your specific situations, & even if I did, I would still be cautious to advise.

As such, I recommend letting trusted family & friends know about the depression & suicidal thoughts (you need not say everything if you are uncomfortable--little steps are okay). I would advise sharing with a doctor/specialist, especially if you do not yet have one/several.

As for PMO difficulties, you have the forum; no-matter the failings, I would advise making great use of this place. Every step counts. Use the tools that you have. Perhaps even find an accountability partner here (their usefulness varies...but sometimes one strikes gold, as they say). The best supports, obviously, are also in real life. And so, I would again try to find a friend that can share this burden with you. Depending on the severity of the situation, anonymous addiction groups are useful. I have been to an anonymous group in real life & found it fruitful. I have heard the very same from some of my close friends.

Given that you are a man of faith, I would also try to add prayers to your routine. (For that matter, I would make a schedule that challenges you enough but does not make for an impossibility; prayer, of course, would be on this list.) If your priest is unable to help you with your physical, emotional, & mental needs (& some have a good capacity for this), he should at least be able to help you with your spiritual needs.

Also: It is true. The start of this journey is the hardest. I would have to really think about the matter...but things might only cool down after around days 30-40. Not only is this a generalization, but it also does not account for random urges &c.

If you have any questions or need further assistance, message me at your convenience. I will try to answer as I might.

God bless,
A Modern Miroku

EDIT:

I meant to add that the task ahead will be very hard. Make no mistake about this...I do not want to give the wrong impression. Know thy enemy. Or as Sun Tzu writes in The Art of War:

“If you know the enemy and know yourself, you need not fear the result of a hundred battles. If you know yourself but not the enemy, for every victory gained you will also suffer a defeat. If you know neither the enemy nor yourself, you will succumb in every battle.”

 

Same problem here, in mine case its 3 days only

 

very relatable

 

Yeah, don't muck about with a noose mate, flipping heck. When you are in a clear state of mind (i.e. now), take your rope or whatever and throw that shit out. Anything you can take, swallow, tie around your neck etc. get it out of the house. Don't hang about train stations, clifftops etc. You are not in control of your urges right now, so make it difficult for yourself. Give yourself a chance to have second thoughts.

Same with porn, set up barriers, unplug your phone at night and put it in a different room when you sleep, don't use the internet when you are tired or drunk. Put barriers between yourself and the self destructive urges that you have, make it hard for yourself. Make doing the right thing the easier option.

 

I'm fine now, thanks for asking.