Enough is enough.

RebootingProtestant · Nov 10, 2021

It is well known that pmo destroys lives and steals futures. I've been pmoing for about 7 or 8 years to some pretty sick stuff, and have been on the road to quitting for about a year now. Over the course of the past year I've developed an anxiety disorder and have regressed in my social skills terribly. I feel like there is a dark cloud over my mind and no matter how hard I try I just can't be myself or make meaningful connections. I've been watching motivational videos, reading books, and binging Jordan Peterson, and it all doesn't seem to be working. The other night I went to this college night at my church and I froze up and couldn't talk to anyone. My social anxiety manifested itself so horribly, even when I have been working on myself for so long. My question for you guys is this: does it get better? After actually quitting porn for a substantial amount of time, does your state of mind, social affluency, and overall quality of life improve? Or is this all a placebo? I've seen so many conflicting sources and I figured that this place would be a good test to search for answers. I need some hope.

Future Bloomer · Nov 11, 2021

Don't give up man, you are on the right track by searching for information. To anwer your question, YES, abstaining can definitely improve social skills.
After a relapse I usually feel shy around people and feel detached from the conversations. In comparison, during long streaks it becomes easy for me to talk with strangers and say the right thing at the right time.

I still have quite a bit to improve in regards to social skills, but they are way better than what they used to be. Here are some of the things that helped me:

Future Bloomer said: ↑

As a former socially awkward person I can relate a lot to your story. Yes, hearing the advice "just talk to people" is also like telling someone that can't swim to just go into the water more times lol

The truth is practice is very helpful IF you somewhat know what to do. Luckily for us there are people who actually did research on how to become more sociable. We don't have to reinvent the wheel and spend a lifetime trying to figure it out by ourselves.

Realizing how terrible my social skills were, my best friend recomend me a book that was very helpful to him. It's called "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie. Reading and applying the concepts of this book changed my life, seriously. It's not one of those lame self-help books with lots of generic inspirational quotes and few actual knowledge. This book is packed with easy to apply concepts that make every conversation better. After reading it I became way more present and responsive while talking with people. Although I am still an introvert (it's simply my nature) I can now have a nice conversation with anyone at anytime, which has made me more confident.

Here are other things that also helped me with my confidence:

Becoming fit.

I used to be very skinny and weak. Always hunched over. Didn't want to do any exercise because I thought that was for "gym rats" and "assholes". No wonder somebody so judgmental had very low confidence lol. I decided to eat away my pride and start exercising. As the days passed and the results started to appear I became more confident. It doesn't matter if most gym bros are lifting heavier weights. Seeing my progression makes me happy and more confident.

If you can't go to the gym, I suggest one of those free home exercise apps. I was able to have good results with them too.

Changing my apperiance.

I used to look somewhat like an emo. I would wear skinny jeans, hipster glasses and had bangs on my hair. Our apperiance will impact how we are treated and how we view ourselves. It may seem silly, but dressing in a more masculine and elegant way was a good confidence boost. It was definitely worth the investment.

So there you go, those were the things that helped me become more confident. I may not have become an extrovert, but I'm today on a way better position than of my tennage years. I hope it may be helpful to you
Click to expand...

Coolbreeze · Nov 14, 2021

RebootingProtestant said: ↑

It is well known that pmo destroys lives and steals futures. I've been pmoing for about 7 or 8 years to some pretty sick stuff, and have been on the road to quitting for about a year now. Over the course of the past year I've developed an anxiety disorder and have regressed in my social skills terribly. I feel like there is a dark cloud over my mind and no matter how hard I try I just can't be myself or make meaningful connections. I've been watching motivational videos, reading books, and binging Jordan Peterson, and it all doesn't seem to be working. The other night I went to this college night at my church and I froze up and couldn't talk to anyone. My social anxiety manifested itself so horribly, even when I have been working on myself for so long. My question for you guys is this: does it get better? After actually quitting porn for a substantial amount of time, does your state of mind, social affluency, and overall quality of life improve? Or is this all a placebo? I've seen so many conflicting sources and I figured that this place would be a good test to search for answers. I need some hope.
Click to expand...

I cannot give you hope because it depends totally on what you make of it in your own head. I did two months of NoFap last year and still felt completely miserable with not many reported benefits. Now I am three weeks in more or less and I feel godlike. The most significant aspect that has changed in my mindset to NoFap. As soon as a thought of fapping gets into my head I immediately (within seconds) snap myself out of it. Back in the days I would tell myself that if I do not masturbate I will not feel relaxed or be stressed, and that NoFap would make me aggressive etc. Thoroughly examine your thoughts and you might find interesting things.

Log in

Enough is enough.

RebootingProtestant Fapstronaut

Future Bloomer Fapstronaut

Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

Share This Page