HOCD? Gay? Straight? Bisexual? Asexual?

Dude. I understand the struggle. I wonder if I pushed my sexual tastes too far by going into transexual porn. It's made me question my sexuality even though I am incredibly attracted to women. As a kid, I had a few homosexual experiences. But they were harmless. We were kids exploring our bodies. But the more I think about that, the more I wonder if I didn't expose myself to a different way of understanding my body and sexuality as a whole. I wouldn't say that I am questioning whether I am homosexual but rather whether my strict heterosexual identity is lacking. Porn has definitely caused some serious damage but it's also given me the courage to ask questions that I wouldn't have asked before. Now I am okay with talking about such things as pansexualism. I am less inclined to fear what others will think about me because of my views. I think that humans have the propensity to be pansexual and therefore there is nothing wrong with thinking about men as a man. Even if you felt the desire to hook up with a man, it wouldn't mean that there was something wrong with you. You wouldn't even have to identify as homosexual if you didn't want to. It would just mean that you had a feeling and you gave yourself the permission to experience it because you believed your sexuality was yours to do with as you pleased. It's so tough trying to understand why we have thoughts or feelings that are outside the considered norm because our entire lives we've been led to believe that real men only did XYZ. We're so fearful of no longer being what we thought we were. We're afraid that we won't mean the same things to our friends and maybe even our families. It's a complete identity crisis and one that doesn't feel right or fair.

If at 50 days the voice gets to a whisper, I am looking forward to getting there. But in the meanwhile, I'll use this section of my journey to come to further understand the control society has over my mind and my body.

 

Yep. almost daily people come to this site with a similar progression >lesbian>transwoman>gay porn...
others have progressed to things they would have been repulsed by before PMO - beastiltiy and worse..is someone 'born' that way??
There is a great site call yourbrainonporn.com which has a ton of articles and information on this and other PMO related subjects..
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/new-finding-calls-question-assumptions-about-sexuality

 

I took another link from yourbrainonporn.com about HOCD - https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/exposure-therapy-hocd - and quoted some of what I thought were the better parts, here: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...answoman-addiction.121772/page-4#post-1477020

HTH.

 

I personally think sexuality can be very fluid and possibly even "change" naturally (NOT forced). I have had similar pondering if I'm as heterosexual as I have always thought or told myself. At this point in my life I don't really care to label my sexuality as I think it's waaaay more complex than society wants it to be, but if I have to, I'd say I am an interesting mix of the following:

Heterosexual - sexually attracted to biological males when it comes to actual sexual encounters. HOWEVER, I can appreciate both the female and male body and feel attracted to the female form aesthetically, but not for an actual sexual encounter (as of yet, anyway. I've had some interesting fantasies lately).

POSSIBLY bi-romantic - I have had two crushes on biological females throughout my life, one which I actually believe I was in love with. But my consistent romantic interest is with males.

In between all of that, I have had times where I thought I was asexual or grey-/demisexual. I am all over the place when it comes to my libido and when / how I feel sexual attraction and whether it's something I even have a desire to act on. I can go for years without sexual contact and it's not a bother to me whatsoever, but I can also be highly sexual and sensual with the right partner (someone I am emotionally engaged with).

It's very interesting and complex, but all in all, who gives a fuck.

Do what makes you happy with mutual consent, and as long as it doesn't hurt anyone.

 

I politely disagree. HOCD is not related to that and it has to be discerned both from being "gay in denial" and homophobia. HOCD is when you have a voice in your head which is compulsively telling you to have sex with dudes, while you strongly feel this is not who you are, and you experience an endless battle between this voice and your gut feeling in your mind. Someone with HOCD will never develop serious feelings for a guy; if at all, he just wants to fuck one (usually I don't use words like this, but it's the only one which fits here). It is an actual disorder of straight men.

 

I am currently in the same position as you are my friend. At this time all I can do is empathize with you. As I keep abstaining from PMO i start getting these gay thoughts and I'm quite concerned. I know I am not gay, why is this happening to me. It's wanting to make me pmo again to make sure I'm straight and my guard is up so it's just gonna get it worse.

 

It's interesting to note that our sex society has lead people to develop some extremely weird fetishes and even change their preferences completely. hmmmm does chronic masturbation make people gay? hmmmmmm

 

Well, in the end you can't exlude that, but without being an expert in psychology, I wouldn't jump to quick conclusions here.

I, for example, have not been raised religiously, I met a few gay people in my life who were all fine, and I don't think I have "anachronistic notions of masculinity" either. In fact, as a teenager I reflected about the feminine sides of my personality and stuff. I am a very calm, introverted and sometimes even passive person, well, I am a bit muscular and like to show that off every now and then, but this isn't an important part of my personality. Now, I don't know about all the stuff going on in my unconscious, but do you? I must admit that I feel scared about gender mainstreaming and all the political correctness debates surrounding it, but I think it is mainly because people try to achieve equality by reducing everyone to a least common denominator, not recognizing any sort of individual personality anymore, or seeing that because I consider men and women to be different doesn't mean I disrespect women (I do not, at all). I am against patriarchy myself, I just believe that radical feminism is patriarchic in itself.

I think I would never have developed HOCD had I not watched porn, and that it might as well stem from watching too many erected penises which are not my own - in every heterosexual porn film! It has also become better with NoFap. And yes, there probably is some disposition in my personality for this as not every porn addict develops HOCD, but how do you know it is that simple? Do you have a source for this or a degree in psychology?

 

It just means you're sane. Those with the opposite view are simply crazy. Just for an example for the physical: in physical things that the military looks for, and trains, the 50th percentile man is as good or better than the 95th percentile woman. Yet somehow women are supposed to serve in the infantry, just as well as men. Idiocy.

so true!

 

exactly, the person made it sound like all homosexual have ocd then which would be insane also. I battle with this for a long time also but I want a wife and my own kids, people that speak like that also think only of sex as making what your sexuality is. If sex is all to life I don't even want a life like that.

But i will have to also disagree with one point, yes males can develop feelings but the problem is seeking a male-role model they never had and also hocd can make you believe your feelings, sensations, everything. It can actually get that deep. Its based on low self-esteem, once they face their self-esteem this feelings will fall away because those people feel they wanna be taken care of, which also makes them extremely depressed and unhappy. HOCD is what is making them unhappy, if it was something they want, they would not obsess with this all day with it, even homophobic people don't obsess with this all day where your life becomes OCD related only and again if homophobic people had ocd this would give us questions on why would so many gay people in denial have ocd to begin with? It doesn't seem healthy also, so how many gay men have ocd and we don't even know about then

 

I don't know how, but I'm straight in the real world and bi in the PMO world

 

what makes you believe you are Bisexual? what porn do you watch?

 

I don't think you want to know. I will say though that it's definitely not your generic porn. It's this reason why I'm here so I can stop before it gets worse

 

dude we are on nofap site, im sure i heard it all, even if it is transsexuals', gay or bestiality porn. You can DM me if you want somebody to discuss it with. I've been places, I used to search on roleplay rape porn, and i watched only rape in hentai also. Feel free to contact

 

Ok then, it was mostly animal porn or drawn video game porn. As long as it wasn't human related. I'm just a sick fuck

 

Did you had some leanings to animals before you watched porn? I mean as a child or when puberty began. Did you watched animal porn as soon as you discovered porn or did it developed after years of porn usage? You can be honest

 

The animal porn stemmed from my sister's dog randomly humping my arm as I'm playing a video game. The video game porn came from what was supposed to be an innocent Google image search suddenly changed to NSFW. I can't remember which scenario happened first

 

You're not a sick fuck you were /are addicted to a destructive vice that ruins people's lives.
https://www.theguardian.com/global-...rn-has-become-a-gateway-drug-into-child-abuse
Mainstream pornography sites are changing the thresholds of what is normal and I think it’s dangerous. Of course most people can watch extreme porn and walk away but I don’t see those people. What we are seeing on a daily basis is the conflation of easy access to hardcore and deviant pornography and an interest in child molestation. The link is unambiguous.”
......
“My earliest clients were child molesters. They tended to have been beaten, abused or have some sort of dysfunction. I’ve found in the last 10 years that increasingly people who view child sex abuse material don’t seem to have that history. They are mundane, ordinary people from all walks of life.”

See that line? Watching this shit literally turns people in pedophiles and has the same effect on the mind as if they had been sexually abused!

Don't beat yourself up or feel ashamed- shame is what keeps you from healing- read journals here, confess if only in a handwritten journal, read up at sites like yourbrainonporn:
https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/ybo...-the-more-you-scratch-the-more-you-itch-2010/