Stuck in 1-14 day purgatory for over a year now. Attempt at 30 day streak

I haven't heard about that drug but after looking it up I like that it is anticholinergic.
Problem is I don't have any means to order online currently. Do you have a source?

Now that's interesting. I'll have to check it out

I have been in contact with a psychiatrist for a long time, worst profession on earth! Most of them are more mentally ill than you yourself, and they set themselves as the standard "normal" and "healthy" people.
Modern antidepressants are really bad. I'm only an SNRI (serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake Inhibitor, although the one I'm on works very, very little on Serotonin, and may even decrease it, which is attractive to me. Serotonin is a stress mediator and not something you'd want to raise...) called Mirtazapine and it has been a Godsend, really helps me sleep, it powerfully decreases Cortisol. Don't mess with any neurotransmitters too many, only Noradrenergic at higher doses. So I really like that as a drug and it really helped/helps me.
I already eat lots of red meat so Zinc should be covered, and I haven't heard of it having anti-depressant qualities, that's interesting. I'll assume because of how vital it is for Testosterone production.

I definitely agree. Good systematic health (especially good Testosterone and Thyroid production) will usually give you more mental fortitude and resistance to Learned Helplessness and depression. So trying to correct any deficiencies with supplements may help.
Maybe if it gets really bad I'll try Ketamine or something. I have some LevoTriiodothyronine Sodium (Synthetic T3 Thyroid hormone) on hand. It has been shown to be a very effective anti-depressant and lowers suicidality. So maybe it's time to give it a go.
I can also order through a friend some Vitamin K2 MK-4, it'll raise Test and lower Aromatase/Estrogen.

 

I am very lucky to have an older brother who was dealing with similar issues during my age, although slightly different circumstances. He was also very suicidial. so I can talk to him about this issue

 

Definitely have urges to just say fuck it, but it's not that enticing. Intrusive thoughts all throughout the day even through my commute.
I really need to solve my issues and get laid (!)

 

Haven't searched much, but I know there is one in Nazareth and I don't live too far. I'm truly lazy and ignorant! I really want to become a catechumen but I'm slacking on so many things when it comes to my "faith". I also simply don't have time due to school.

 

What do you mean? Are you alright?

Alright, have deep urges. They don't feel like straightup strong desires but more like a psychological thing, I feel worthless, weak and passive, and that makes me want to PMO.

Spoiler: expended and my current thoughts

I feel like my entire psychological aspect regarding PMO is pretty messed up. The P I indulge in concerns me, and my fetishes developed with and around me, I feel like they are no longer some fetishes, that are only "brought up" or are relevant when I'm sexual, but has become an almost constant desire that is associated with a variety of feelings like the weakness, passivity I mentioned, but also lack of mental masculinity, and my inability to be a normal productive person (Peter Pan syndrome or something, I'm very immature, and weak, I feel like a child can scam me. I also feel like I DO NOT want to be a normal member of society, maybe I want to struggle with these minor internal things such as PMO, immaturity and basic things like schedule; so I do not advance in life and stay a bum and loser; and I want to stay a loser so I do not challenge myself with women, career... I'm theorising. Although a few things: I'm not on the spectrum, it is definitely possible for me to be a normal and average member of society. Another thing is that I DO want to start a family and have children; so I don't know how come I'm not compatible with maturity... But I feel like this desire of mine to have kids is underdeveloped and does not mean much, because I almost forget the topic of women when it comes to having a family. I just want kids, I want to be a good father to them, I want to raise them to be strong. Of course first I have to learn self-sacrifice, competence, and of course success with women.
I don't know where to close the () so I'll just continue.
I feel like I am so socially underdeveloped and so disconnected with society (this is also reflected in the P I'm seeking, it is drawn or animated P, complete fantasy. This shift in porn preference has happened in the last 4 years or so, can't remember exactly, although even from a young age (10...) I sometimes watched h****i) that I am very far from having a relationship with a woman. I'm not autistic, again, and I wasn't isolated in most of my developmental (3-12) years, only recently (13-..., I'm a bit younger then the age I put since I feared it would cause restrictions, I'm still allowed to register at my current age but I don't know if it is allowed to put a false age), and only very recently (last 2 years) am I VERY isolated from people my own age group. So IMO, it isn't impossible for me to become "normal" socially, although it'll be very difficult, and I think a part of that will HAVE to be ditching P.

@FirefromAbove , this is the important part: very soon I'm going back to an environment filled with my age group, although hopefully it'll happen gradually. It's going to happen in this target month (in this 30 day streak timeframe, itll happen in the next week or 2 weeks). So it's going to be very hard for me to keep it up, since I will be very drawn to PMO, but I simply can't relapse... I need to stop going into fantasy land.
Thanks for asking by the way, bro.

 

its a necessity

 

Almost day 3... Again deep desires fueled by weakness. I'm worried about the 7th day mark. I'll have to see

 

Thank you a lot, sir!

 

Soon day 4. Lots of urges, this time more physical and not mental. I overcame a big obstacle today so I feel somewhat good. I'll feel even better if I overcome these desires, because they feel like the ones where I usually PMO. Gotta get off my PC