Lonely. Please Help 'cause i have no clue at all

Yes, if you are a white supremacist or an anti-feminist, do the Red Pill. Let me know how it goes for you. In the short term, it may work. You may get some flattering comments for your successes and achievements in life. But life is more than that. It definitely can provide some esteem. But in the end, life isn't a solo sport. It's how you relate to others and how they relate to you. If you go in with an "I'm going to dominate you" or "How can I use you towards my ends" attitude, it will likely turn people off. People like to be an end in themselves, not just a means to an end (Kant, I believe). Just sayin. Short term success may be likely. Once people realize you can't interact with another human being on a personal level because you're conceited, maybe not so much long term success. But hey, I could be wrong. After all, this is the internet and people can say whatever the fuck they want with little to no evidence. And idk. Maybe I'm too unfamiliar with the red pill theory, but do you actually want to envision the world that way? Create your world how you want it. Don't let others create it for you. Flawed world perspectives can ruin you in the long run. But again, I'm probably being over dramatic.

 

Use your masculinity to dominate tasks. Not people. That's probably the abridged version of what I'm saying.

 

You have completely misunderstood what the red pill is. Your rejecting how some people start to act in response to being red pilled while simultaneously spouting red pill lessons. You are also conflating being red pilled about the corporate press and being red pilled about women. There is overlap, but they are completely different cans of worms. Anti-feminists aren’t anti-woman. And anti-progressives aren’t white supremacists.

 

Great stuff mate. Sounds like it went well!

Just be cool and see where it goes - remember that these things are also to find out if she is right for you.

Funny things I remembered from the past, there was an incredibly good-looking woman whom I never tried for as I presumed she was out of my league and thus too scared. Much later a friend said to me she was just hoping a man would ask to take her out to dinner or something - all she got was lecherous approaches. Really regret not being up front like you - there are probably opportunities everywhere.

I hope you can live up to the feeling of not chasing. Another woman I did get with for a short time I ended up ruining it by being too keen. To be fair I guess she was not that into me, that made me try harder and then that put her off. So that was a mistake.

Maybe it different for others but once you get someone you are really compatible with, it takes no effort at all to advance it. Who knows, it may be this one for you.

 

Well Ive been having similar problems you have. Yet Ive noticed a couple of stuff that work for me, maybe it'd work for you.
1) When I dont crave for women, Im focusing on my thing Im doing I am happy. Thats noticable so you're more approachable and smily and girls like it. I dont think of women like I need to get her, invite for a meeting etc or get rejected, no pickup game. Just having a nice conversation and having fun. When things go nice you can always invite her for a drink.
2) The more i am on semen retention the more stuff happen automatically, like I literally just run autopilot when talking to a girl and thats a lot of fun for me and her.

I also didnt have any community or close friends and tried tinder/badoo - it worked for me once, but a couple of times had bad consequences(rejections, self-esteem problems) in the future so I dont recommend that really much.

 

Well done, my friend! Well done, indeed! Keep up the good work!
The only thing I would caution is to not play too many games. It made me a little nervous that you were considering letting the day pass without responding to her. You still want to seem interested if you are, indeed, interested! But yeah, you don't need to hang on her every word and be at her beck and call either. You want her to know you have a life outside of her. But you still want her to know you are interested. Does that make sense?
The only reason I caution you is because you'll probably kick yourself if you lose her because you were trying to play games or manipulate her by acting aloof. It's better to be yourself and be rejected for that. To quote Five Finger Death Punch, "I'd rather you hate me for everything I am, than have you love me for something that I'm not." Don't listen to the rest of the song, lol. But for real, just be yourself. Unless you're clingy...cuz no one wants that. Everyone wants their own space to breathe. May sound contradictory, and like I said, it's a bit of a fine line. You'll know when you've crossed it.

Feel her out. You'll know if she's interested or not just based on how she responds and how long it takes HER to respond. If she plays games with you emotionally by not responding, I'd get out of the relationship. Cuz she's not respecting you. I've had both ends of the spectrum. I've had a girl text me so much it was suffocating. And I've also had a girl who would literally take days to respond to my texts. I'd rather have the first girl than the second. The second made me feel like shit. But if you're worried, just match her level of texting. If it's a lot, text her a lot. Fan the flame, bro. If it's a little, text a little. She probably is busy or is thinking things over.

And I may be misinterpreting your last statement, but I would advise against dating multiple people at the same time. That's just asking for problems. Unless you're simply stating that you're willing to do several more cold approaches if this one goes haywire...then, I totally agree and commend you for your wisdom and foresight! But if you are thinking of dating multiple people, just think of how it would feel if she did the same thing. Empathy goes a long way.

There is a level of honesty and transparency needed in relationships. Not a license to put your soul out there and vomit all your problems, insecurities, and emotional baggage on her. But be real. Be honest. Tell her what she means to you. If she leaves because of it, THEN move on to the next one. If she takes advantage of your emotions and vulnerability, THEN move on to the next one. If she's got a quirk or misguided soul, THEN move on the next one. Catch my drift? Don't settle. And don't put up with disrespect. I can't remember if it was this thread or another one, but what you allow is what will continue.

But if you're always looking for a better relationship, you will never be content with what you have (by definition). Don't be manipulative and don't half ass your relationship. You deserve better than that and she deserves better than that. If you do, it will likely be returned to you in kind. If you want more info on relationships, there's a psychologist by the name of Gottman that has some good material. Just look up the Gottman method. There's a lot of good stuff on conflict resolution that he has (I believe it was him anyway).

But I'm so proud of you!!! Keep up the good work!

 

Please. Enlighten me. Summarize the red pill. I'm not going to read the book. Or I would settle for the three top take aways you took from the book. To me, it sounds like a bunch of generalizations about women. Am I wrong? I feel like it puts an "us vs them" mentality in people's minds. And from what I gather from posts people make, it's about wooing a woman with achievements. Which is fine and dandy...if you have good relationship skills. Because accomplishments are flashy in the beginning, but fade with time if the person is a dick. I guess in my mind, it's a short term approach. And people, from what I gather, are looking for long term success. Not short term.
Going back to generalizations, which I despise because it oversimplifies the rich cultural diversity of the world, does the book describe Amish women or punk rock women? Rich or poor? American or Russian? Chinese or Indian? If you are basing it anecdotally, how many of the billions of women in the world have you met? Do you think all women have the same mindset or can be understood in the same way? If you do, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that's sheer ignorance. The beauty of the world is that people come in all shapes and sizes. And personalities and mindsets.
In my eyes, red pillers are trying to woo a certain type of woman. A subset. Paris Hilton, maybe? Idk. Perhaps I'm off base and totally wrong. But I look forward to your definition of what the red pill is. I will apologize if I am misinformed or guessed wrong on what it stands for. I don't have so much pride that I can't apologize for jumping to conclusions, because I definitely may have.

 

The red pill is describing the "wet ware" so to speak of women. Their biological underpinnings. Yes, all women though western women in particular is where its expression is most obvious. Acculturalization has an impact but the underlying biology is the same. The three main takeaways are these:

1. Hypergamy - women love opportunistically and their sexual strategy is dualistic. They want the guy that can fuck their brains out so hard they forget their own names and they want the guy who will absorb their feelings about that fact like a tampon while providing for their children. In many cases they will find these qualities in a variety of different men and not in the same man. The red pill community summarizes this as "alpha fucks, beta bucks".

2. Feminism - the social order of the day promulgated through law, education, and the media is 100% female oriented. Gynocentric to use Rollo's word. A myriad of social structures are in place to help women succeed while an increasing number of social deterrents are being placed in front of men. The social system aims to force men into the roll of faithful beta provider while encouraging female promiscuity. Feminism has been spectacularly successful for the 5% of men that exhibit all the traits women want.

3. Masculinity - Broadly speaking, the solution offered by the red pill community is a return to and embrace of your own masculinity. Place yourself at the center of your life. "Hold frame" and "chase excellence" in the words of Richard Cooper. Build a better body, build up a better bank, build a better reputation, become someone that is influential. "Put your dent in the universe". In essence they are telling me to stop chasing women and to cultivate themselves.

I am sure others could summarize their ideas better than I can as I am still in the process of digesting them. Reading The Rational Male really put a lot of things into focus for me. What it really boils down to is men helping other men. I thought like you did at first: that this red pill stuff is just for manipulative PUAs who are after trashy women. But I've lived long enough and had a sufficient mix and success and failure with women to see things differently.

 

I feel like these biological underpinnings of women are underpinnings of all humans. Makes sense now why you felt like some of my comments supported Red Pill Theory. I think they just support universal truths (or at least as I perceive them)

The pursuit of pleasure. Yeah, that's universal. Whether it be orgasm or otherwise. To feel listened to and validated? Also universal. Isolation--more specifically being cast aside as an outcast or ignored--sucks. Period. So the fact that women seek pleasure, validation, and safety/security (in the provisions you mentioned) is not exclusively true for them. It's true for everyone. Now whether they seek it wherever they can get it? Idk, man. First that's a strong generalization. And I think women tend to be more committed then men in relationships, at least in my experiences and observations. Again, depends what kind of woman you want. Because they are all different. Not the same. Everyone wants a spouse that does more so that they don't need to. I think that's also universal, applying to men and women. It's a marketplace for a reason. Everyone wants the best deal they can get.

There are loud voices in every political arena. It all comes down to who you listen to. And there is oppression and perceived oppression all over the world. I think most of the racial publicity in the news nowadays puts more fuel on the fire than it does to douse it out. It's a sad reality that some organizations push for overly oppressive anti racism or anti whatever. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, I suppose. Do I let the views and policies of a subset of the population influence my views towards a much larger group or humanity as a whole? No. Absolutely not. And what stats are you looking at that females are hyper promiscuous? I'd like to see what that study says about males. In addition, some cultures are not as promiscuous as others. Again, supporting the fact that women vary significantly throughout the world. And generalizations are...well, perhaps a bit too strong at best and downright false at worst.

Build esteem and tie it to tasks rather than people? That can be said about friendships as well as sexual relationships...so I think Einstein said it best, "If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things." The fact that women want a man that has his shit together over one who doesn't isn't groundbreaking news. It can be said the same of men's attitude toward women. I'd rather have a grounded and sane woman over one who is not any day of the week. But maybe that's just me. So telling men to get their act in order...good, but not earth shattering.

There are universal truths about humans, I agree. Not just women. Do you have friends that fill different needs for you? So do women. Now if we're talking about sexual infidelity, well...I'd say that's something women need to worry about more than men. But it happens both ways, I agree. That's why you don't date a tramp. Unless you're into that sort of thing. No judgment here. Some people have very open relationships.

I see no reason to support an author who clearly has a financial stake in what he is purporting (i.e. selling a book through identifying a problem, real or perceived, in order to make sales by offering a solution that is halfways intelligent). His ideas seem like basic human rights and pursuits; they aren't revolutionary. It's a rebranding of old ideas from what it sounds. Only applied differently, i.e. to the realm of relationships with women. It's damaging in my opinion. Why? Because it posits an "us vs. them" mentality that can create self fulfilling prophecies. A negative/dismissive outlook/attitude towards women that can in turn elicit a negative response from women, thereby solidifying the man's belief (which caused the backlash in the first place). Look up self fulfilling prophesies. They're commonly misunderstood.

So I have to hand it to him...he's marketing to a vulnerable population and selling something that will perpetuate his viewpoint. Treat girls shitty and they'll treat you shitty. This reinforces his viewpoints, pushes his agenda, and sells more books. The worse guys treat girls and girls stand off guys, the more dissonance. The more dissonance, the more people seeking help, ideally from the book he is trying to sell. In that sense, it's brilliant (in its marketing, not its ideas). Selfish and greedy, but brilliant.

I'm glad you benefited from the book in some ways though. I truly think you have some solid posts on this forum. So keep up the good work. You touch more lives than you know.

One question, if you don't mind. I find your name interesting. Shouldn't you be pursuing the middle way and relinquishing desires in all its forms (physical, financial, etc.)? You know, contentment in whatever state you find yourself? Not trying to be a prick or offensive. I'm honestly just curious. I think it's a good name. And a good religion/philosophy with some solid ideas. I just had some preconceived notions of what sort of content you would be posting based on your name. Again, just curious. I know it probably seems like I'm coming across like a bully, and I don't mean to be. I don't know how to phrase it different. Of all the potentially inflammatory statements or ideas in this post, this should not be one.

 

You are responding to way more than what I said.

1. Hypergamy - that women and men have different sexual strategies is important. Distilling it down to the pursuit of pleasure is missing the point.

2. Feminism - we are either talking about feminism or racism, not both. If you want stats Aaron Clary’s “The Book of Number” is full of them though you are even less likely to read him than Rollo. I sought out the red pill community and finally started listening to what they were saying and not what I thought they were saying due to a series of personal experiences, not stats. Rollo is by far the most compassionate.

3. I have not once heard Rollo, Clary, or Cooper say “you should treat women like shit” or anything remotely similar to that sentiment. Instead, they are analyzing women as they are and instructing men to treat them accordingly. Their brand of personal development is written with that in mind.

Every author has a financial stake in what they are supporting, save for a small group of altruists willing to depend entirely on the generosity of others.

As for my username: I keep the precepts, I practice meditation, and I accept the teachings on karma, rebirth, and the deathless though I don’t claim to fully understand them. The most useful aspect of my religion is the framework of the four noble truths. Without that the meditation is worthless. I lived at a monastery for nearly a year and considered full ordination for a time but that life style is not for me. That means I must make my way in the world and if I am to do that I aim to succeed. By the tenants of my religion, as long as I do not lie, cheat, steal, kill, or indulge intoxicants then I remain on the path, all be it a wider version with more pitfalls than that of monastics. Living in line with those precepts is more important to me than seeking to conform to the ever changing standards of the modern world, standards I unequivocally reject.

I did not read your post with offensive intent or ill-will. If you reject the red pill then you reject the red pill. But so far your posts suggest that you don’t actually understand what the red pill community has to say.

 

So like evolutionary psychology? Women desire/pursue a provider and are most hurt when there is emotional infidelity? Men desire/pursue beauty and are most hurt when there is sexual infidelity? I may give it to you (since that is backed by peer reviewed research), though it still seems like what you are stating is more than that and takes an overly simplified and negative view on women. I grew up in a house full of women and learned their wants and fears. Their angers and frustrations. So I may just be biased. But I've also read books on the psychology of relationships. So I don't feel like I'm overly biased. But I can acknowledge my bias when it's present.
And trust me, when an Alpha came along and hurt one of my sisters...let's just say it's good there are laws in place. Trust me, I've thoroughly contemplated Omerta and what the world would be like without laws. Probably better. But maybe not.

Wait...I can't use examples to support my point? Idk, man. That's how I make sure people are feeling where I'm coming from. But that's fair--I haven't read them, so I can't rag on them too hard. But from what people post, I get that they have a toxic vibe. And any time you have a negative outlook on something or someone, you're more prone to experience it that way. And that is supported by research of the peer reviewed nature.

Again broad generalizations. The best way I can express my feelings toward it is this scene from Donnie Darko:

I've seen the "Alpha vs. Beta" discussions. Defining something as Alpha or Beta is like simplifying it to love and fear. It simplifies way to much. And I believe reduces us to an animal hierarchy. I think that mostly went out the window when we developed intelligence and reason. But some people still live by it, I'll give you that. But yeah Alpha vs. Beta, love vs. fear, positive vs. negative. Oversimplifications of complex situations.
Was there actual research in "The Book of Number" and was it peer reviewed? I would be more interested a book that supports it's assertions with stats that are from peer reviewed research rather than anecdotal evidence and speculation.

Touche. Or they earn their income other ways.

Fair enough.

Alright. Agree to disagree, I guess. I'm going to step out of the convo. I've probably already tainted Mr. mark andrews's thread beyond repair with this debate. So apologies to the OP.

 

All we are encouraging is realism. If your approach to women and relationships is working for you, if you are getting what you what you want, then keep it up. I am sorry your sister got mixed up with someone that mistreated her. She is no less responsible for her own actions than her partner is for his. Again, not one of the authors I have mentioned is encouraging anyone to mistreat women. That you were raised by women explains your resistance to what the red pill community has to say.

 

Or just have a female's perspective on women rather than a male's. Or more empathy than I probably should as a man. I'm fine with that. I trust the woman's perspective on the female psyche more. And trust empathy for the win.

When reflecting on my life, I've passed on plenty of "beta" females (as I'm sure your book would refer to them). So yes, I believe it's worked. I've just been too selective. And I question that, and am seeking to change that. Physical beauty is only one aspect of a woman.

Like I said, agree to disagree.

Beta Blue fo' life.

 

First, know that the following statements are not me condoning premarital sex, as I certainly do not. But I have no problem if other people have premarital sex. It's not my life, y'know...so why should I care? Anyway, I'm willing to put my personal and religious beliefs aside. God knows I'm not perfect in any way, shape, or form. Far from it, actually. Likely very far from it, lol. Also know that it is easy for me to comment as a third party observer. It's much harder in the moment. I'm sure it was incredibly embarrassing and would have taken a lot of social awareness and quick thinking to make any sort of grace saving transition. Also, just know my perspective is from my beta blue persona, lol.

Anyway, I don't know what the situation entirely consisted of, but if it were me, I would have tried to take the focus off of myself and put it on her. Even if you couldn't get it up, you can still have fun with her. Explore her body. Sensual massage and whatnot. Get her off. I'm sure she would respond in kind if and when you are able to get an erection. You don't need a dick to pleasure a woman. Ask any lesbian. You've got hands, a face, and toys...or other random items that can serve as penetration or stimulation.

I don't know how you left it with this girl, but if she was a good fit for you, I would continue to pursue her. If not, let her go. If she resorts to social aggression by shaming you in front of her friends...well...probably not the right fit for you, in my opinion. Who wants a partner who shames and doesn't support them? You can still regroup, potentially. Depending on how you left it with her.

Most of all, don't ruminate. Every day is a new day. And every day you are a new person--a better person for having experienced more of life.
Glad you are taking recovery seriously, though.
Just remember: Live and learn.

 

And, hey! Look at how well you did with her! You approached her, got to know her, and she even felt comfortable enough with you to potentially have sex with you! That's amazing! Focus on the positives, my friend. I mean, learn from both the positives AND the negatives, but focus more on the positives. It will keep you more sane...saner...more sane? Idk, lol.

 

Well, another game addict who knows nothing of the real world. Men- women interaction should be natural, but game addicts often don't know how.
Some one said it very well: "winner in games, loser in life".

You can turn around but it will take a lot of hard work since you're so far left behind due to wasting too much time on video games. I once saw a guy with 30,000 hours of playtime on steam games, that's 3 and a half years if you play 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Jezzz

 

1. Hypergamy is equivalent of men preferring young & beautiful women, it's natural so there is nothing to blame here.

2. Beta providers are products of a male dominated society - aka men must be the breadwinner. Now, incomes between men and women are almost equal, so spending in a household is often divided between the 2. Truth is, you and lots of other men want to be beta providers - they dream of having a wife at home so they hug after coming home from work, but women don't even want it to begin with.

3. Men often think of masculinity as a good thing but all women could remember are husband's anger and them being beaten when their husbands got back from work. Men had power but they become so corrupted. In Europe, there was even laws that dictated husbands must not hit wives at night so neighbours can sleep. It was hilarious.