When are you actually free?

What you are describing here is the paradox of improvement.
Say for example you read self improvement books every day. You cant say you are an improved person when just reading one day, but when the years pass and you look back on yourself you will see an improved person.
At what given time did you improve yourself?
Personal improvement cant be measured over little chunks in time and can only be looked back on.
You should view nofap the same. You will be getting relapses often and there is no end game, but after a given time when looking back upon yourself, you will notice that nofap brought you lots of benefits and that it has gotten easier over the years to partake in nofap.

 

I don't think Nofap guarantees you with this 90 days streak that you won't never fap. All what Nofap wants to give us is self- control. PMO totally hijeckes our self-control, rationality and our reward cycle. As a result, a PMO addict watch porn and masturbate and he feels guilty. Why does he feel guilty after PMO ? Because he is continuously trying to quit it , he knows it is damaging him but he can't resist him. Like a supernatural power or devil has took control over him.

Within in 90 days, you can gain self control. Suppose, one has completed 1000 days streak. Then he has masturbated or watched porn. We can't say it is relapse, we will say it is his/her personal matter. If he is single and has no sexual partner, he can masturbate once per month to release some extra pressure. If he has spent whole day in working, he can have some adult entertainment. Though I won't advise anyone to watch porn, but he can masturbate. But when he is doing excessive masturbation, he has no control over it, this habit is damaging his daily or personal life, we will say it "Addiction". And we all are here to quit it. If it is not addiction, one can watch porn or masturbate if he has self control. But I think avoiding Porn is better.

I read a thread a month ago. A guy masturbated 500 days later, we all said why he had done so. He said that he masturbated at his own will to release extra pressure.

You will observe changes within 30 days. So, we won't count that he is relapsing after 3 or 7 or 30 or 60 or 90 or 500 or 1000 days ? we want to know that he is relapsing at his own will / conscious mind ? or he is addicted ?

 

I've been in recovery in one form or another for close to five years now. That was when I quit drinking (end stage alcoholism) and over the years I've slowly added good habits into my life while earnestly eliminating the bad ones, which is how I came across NoFap.

In the beginning I was concerned with accumulating days and trying to hit some mythical "end date" when I would be free. Over the years though I've come to realize that it is all part of something greater. This is a lifelong journey for me and I would not have it any other way.

 

Hey, I did not read everything you guys said, but the biggest issue for me, is that PMO has completely destroyed my brain and my life. Many of these ways, I cannot actually describe to you. PMO has changed my mind, made me into things I was not into before, and introduced a lot of things and concepts into my brain, which I want to remove. It also no doubt, has destroyed my self confidence and mood. I do not want to talk about it too much. But PMO has ruined my brain, I even get sexual dreams, about weird things, and things which deviate from my sexual norms. I do not need to elaborate, but it has messed my brain up, and made me do things I am not proud of at all sexually. My goal is to not be controlled by the female form, and to not think weird thoughts. That is it. But it is so difficult, and I do not want to sound like I am not taking responsibility with the following statement, but it is true: I go outside, and see exposed breasts, butts, thighs, hair, arms, shoulders, etc daily; if not exposed, they are wrapped in tight clothes designed to emphasize these parts. This to me is the biggest issue, how can I possibly control my desires when it is constantly getting moved where ever I go, whether I am in my room innocently watching completely unrelated youtube videos, or outside anywhere. My big issue is that I MESSED my brain up with years of PMO, I look back and know I did not used to think like this before. but now I do. And everytime I try to stop PMO, the difficulty is not boners, or porn temptation, no cmon bro. Its that step by step path that all starts with the sexual lewdness of the women of our modern day, it is their pervertedness and lack of modesty I blame. Part of me does not want to take full responsibility for my addiction, because me being an 8 or 13 year old kid with a boner all day in class, due to half naked teachers and class mates daily, and going home and not being able to use a device without seeing this extremely arrousing ads and thumbnails etc. which led to this addiction IS NOT MY FAULT. It is not, I was a kid, a kid who went through puberty early and had strong desire at young age, which was constantly being lit by this garbage. I was into sports, and used to spend hours training in my neighborhood with my friends playing streetball and all that, and swimming daily. I was a manly kid, and had manly friends, and we stayed busy. None of that matters, eventually, everyday, my sexual desire gets lit, and it lead to this. Now I am 19. I do not care about winning a game, I just want to change my brain back to NORMAL.

 

Like dude, also I am muslim, and cannot have sex until marriage right, and I have followed through with that for now. But I am saying how is that even possible in a society like this, where you go to school and seeing softcore porn in real life, dude what we see in real life is just as intense. When you are forced to free mix with girls, you see everything. From jiggling titties and cute smiles and sexual sayings and their cute eyes and their butts jiggling and their scents etc, how is it possible for me to not masturbate, or not chase girls and try to hook up with them, until marriage. How is that possible???? Again, I do not care what you say about taking responsibility, you cannot escape this stuff, especially in school. How does a young kid who does not know any better avoid, masturbation, or fornication, or porn, or chasing girls, in this society? how??? The most damaging thing to men is women. I used to get on people verbally when I was trash talking them and smoking them in one-on-one cuz they got too busy with girls or drugs and stopped hooping, bro I used to avoid girls for a reason, cuz I kknew they get into my heart, and distraact from improving my self. But, I reached a point, where I could not anymore. Like what can I do now?? I just want to rewire my brain, but I am scared because I HAVE to go to school, I want a good jobe dude. When I go to school I am scared of all the free mixing and stuff, I know my brain is so fragile and I can easily fall into chasing some girl and wasting my time with her (complete waste of time, some random girl? me drooling over her and giving her my valuable love?? are u kidding me??) or easily faall into this PMO trap which is DESTROYING ME!

 

^^^ The thing is I sound strong minded right now, but as soon as that penis is hard and that brain is spasming, and I am not in the best mood, it is over for me! <-- This is bound to occur everyday, especially with our lifestyle and society, which is just out of our individual control!!!!

 

Dude, I really feel bad for you and wish you the best my friend. That sounds so harsh. I went 30 days, and relapsed, it was a similar situation to you where I felt my efforts were pointless and I could never get out of it. You know what happened to me?? I went crazy. Literally! I was so sad, and depressed and angry. I struggle with this issue maybe way more than you, so for me 30 days is equal to 800 day streak of yours, (basically it was so hard, and such an emotional journey, including the 3 months of relapses before it). It sucks man.

The best thing you can do, is get back on the horse. Seriously, do not stay down and do not binge. Your progress does not have to go down the drain, the only way it goes down the drain is if you DO NOT GET ON THE HORSE ASAP.

SO GET BACK ON THE HORSE ASAP, just do not mope around, and do not let the shaytaan come and keep u depressed, get back on the horse, 84 days will come back in no time.

HOWEVER, if you let the shaytaan (devil) keep beating you down, and you keep relapsing, then no doubt your progress will be erased. So please get back on the horse brother ( if you have not already) please, do not let your true enemey (satan) beat you. You are a bigger man and warrior than to let him beat u!!

 

Isn’t that like life? No matter how successful you are, how rich you are, at the end, you die. Does that make you stop trying to do your best? In the end we all lose; every sports star retires. But what you want to do is go out at the top of your game. And you play one game at a time. Some you win, some you lose, but you keep on trying for that win.

 

Good insight.

 

Yeah Survival of the fittest

 

I see it as when you don't want to watch P anymore.