Cyber sex addiction

Js5 · Sep 1, 2015

I actually think in some way my problem is more rooted in cyber sex than viewing porn. Although both are involved in the vicious cycle and either can lead to the other but lately it's been more of "cracking the window open" through visiting sex chat rooms and then that leading to sexually explicit chat and or viewing porn.

Has anyone else had this problem? The above details exactly how I had a 12 day streak snapped yesterday. It wasn't the first time. Advice or tools? I've thought about therapy but it's not like I have loads of disposable income

dsareph · Sep 1, 2015

Get a website blocker and set it to ban you from every cam sex site you have in your history. I can't tell you how to control your cravings but that should help with the immediate urges. I'd suggest limiting your internet time as well, "StayFocusd" is a great extension for keeping you on track and away from time wasting sites.

Therapy is about learning to internally deal with your issues, not finding solutions to them. If that's what you're looking for, it's not the best choice. Would totally recommend seeing a sex therapist about the general problems you have though, mine has worked wonders for me.

Handzfree · Sep 2, 2015

I would offer that it really doesn't matter if it's chat, porn, movie sex scenes, audio recordings, erotic literature or whatever. They are all triggers to various people in different ways. ...what really matters is focusing on how you handle the desire to go to these things as a means of escape. Please don't misunderstand my initial comment... If chat rooms create problems you set up boundaries and agree to yourself you will not go there. It's when you are blindsided... Can you stop the thought progression that leads to the chat room?

You actually defined the issue I believe... You left the window cracked. IMHO, you have to set the boundaries and agree that no matter what... The lines will not be crossed. It certainly helps to know the triggers... But knowing that you simply will not go there under no circumstances I think is what makes a difference.

Deleted Account · Sep 3, 2015

@Js5 I think this is a bigger issue for me rather than the P. Although I've never done cam or sex chat rooms I have had FB people i've sex chatted with. Plus some i've manipulated into sex chatting too. It's become very uncomfortable to do it now, even more so now I feel accountable to you guys here. I've severely limited my FB time now and only log on in the evening for a while. Totally logged out on my phone too.

I did slip up with one who i did set boundaries with and very nearly crossed them last night. And it was bloody torture (why do we do this!???)

Js5 · Sep 3, 2015

britaxe, I do feel your pain. I have done some past searching on this with myself and why I initially started doing it. It's kinda messy and if I get started on that I wouldn't know where to start or end plus it would take awhile so I'll keep it simple and just say I was curious plus shy with women in reality. I didn't have to worry about any sort of insecurity in chat, didn't even have to be myself if I didn't want to. But then, I WOULD have girlfriends and still do it so it turned into something more like an addiction or just something that had a hold on me - we aren't alone, there are many people who still do this and have significant others and the thing I've found is they aren't all men but some women w/ husbands or boyfriends (there's even one I've known who I'd describe as an inspiration and one of the kindest people I've known - let's just say her situation is particularly sad, I feel for her and have almost felt like confiding in her but then, I think that might be too awkward). Anyways, fast forward like 15 years or so and I'm still finding it has a hold on me sometimes (although I have truly taken steps in getting better).

There is a lot of talk about porn addiction and staying away from it and maybe I've just overlooked it but there doesn't seem to be the same attention given to sex chat but maybe because that's a less common issue? I don't know. And when I think about it, it's sort of dumb. You type something and then wait for the other person to. The brain is the largest sexual organ for sure. It's also the thing that can stop us from doing this sh*%. Best of luck to you. I'm ready to just feel the dryness and to "lean into" the withdrawal symptoms of the cravings. I know it's worth it.

Deleted Account · Sep 4, 2015

@Js5 I think I started it has an attitude to get what I could due to a failed online relationship where I was hurt badly. Very self destructive really.

I agree the brain rush of waiting for replies is way more intemse than porn will ever be. The imagination just sky rockets into oblivion.

I started a sex chat again on fb last night after some beer. It got to the point of her sending semi nudes.... Again. I didnt MO. I told her I was abstaining.

This morning I messaged her and stopped the whol thing. Finished, explained why and how I at the moment just view it as trash talk theres no feeling there its a game of sex nothing else. This I want to end.... Today.

Ive done the right thing by saying that. Hopefully it works.

I think it should be given the same attention as it's potentially more damaging if pictures exchanged are published etc. Very dangerous

Js5 · Sep 4, 2015

@britaxe Yes, you described the brain rush in waiting for replies perfectly. It's something else. But, like I said, I'm ready to feel that awful - yet, in some way, great - feeling of having the urge and just letting it sit there. Just breathing and watching it pass like a wave or a thunderstorm. It truly does end, the urge. Just have to weather the storm.

I don't know where I'd be without music. Listening or playing it. Reading has also helped. As well as becoming a pretty serious runner. All these healthy things have contributed greatly to my steps (and continued steps) in abstaining from this stuff. And can't forget the journal writing - screaming my emotions and urges into writing has truly helped. It doesn't even need to make all that much sense - just the act of doing it is therapeutic. The only key is to be truthful.

I read somewhere even the worst urges usually don't last more than 15 minutes. It can seem like an awful long 15 minutes but I think it's true.

Js5 · Sep 5, 2015

Handzfree said: ↑

Can you stop the thought progression that leads to the chat ?
Click to expand...

Thanks for putting it so simply and I will focus on this now...

Booster · Sep 6, 2015

cyber sex is just another type of porn, granted you are using your imagination but its the same dopamine production at work.

I got into internet porn and cyber sex around the same time in 1997 and they have gone from fetish to fetish together. morphing into sexting in the last few years. many of the chats would last hours to finish off with porn that lasts three minutes.
The last 5 years i would meet many of these ladies and be unable to cum, even though i was doing exactly what we text about.

This is why im on nofap just as much as the no porn.

Nouvel Homme · Sep 14, 2015

It does seem that most people on this site cite P (as in porn) as their addiction. Few mention how addictive and disruptive chat rooms can be.

With porn sites, it is fairly easy to go in, find what pleases you and achieve some kind of release. Done. But with chat rooms, you have to spend a lot of time finding what you want, then manipulate the conversation to how you want. Instead of 15 minutes these two processes could take 4 or 5 hours, with many failures.

What is more, the interactive nature of chat rooms draws you into a second virtual life, that in my case, can make you abandon your real life.

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