How can I be supportive?

Hey hun, just want to say coming from a man's perspective, our addiction to porn has nothing to do with the people we love and admire in real life. Most of the people in porn will NEVER look like us regular folk in their videos. That's that point, to build a fantasy. The problem is, we get stuck there and it becomes like a drug. The fact that he enlightened you confirms that he cares deeply for you, for this is some embarrassing shit that we rather deal with on our own. You need to understand that this issue was before you yet you are the reason he wants to stop. Please continue to support him!!! Good luck

 

Oh, but to answer the original question, "how can I be supportive?". So, I will say that spending more time with him and actually establishing a real friendship. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, but I would say that being distracted and keeping busy will definitely keep is mind occupied. Try to help him tap into a new hobby. Maybe workout together, that would be something that could benefit you both. Most of all, be patient with him and his sexual performance. Make sure you both are comfortable addressing the issue. Ask him from time to time how his doing with his progress and how he is feeling. Be proud of you both, him for trusting you and wanting to change and yourself for being patient and supportive!!

 

I'm happy to respond. I know that this may sound selfish, but in the beginning, let him control the sex. Just make sure he's staying clean from PMO. If he gets horny and wants to have sex, he needs to express that and you guys should engage. This will help is brain re-wire and get back accustom to sex with a real person.

 

Your role as a partner is to support as much as possible and get really clear with yourself about what you want in your relationships. For example is porn ok? Does porn cause issues? Is it affecting my self esteem and is that ok? Things like that. There might be some new boundaries to set up. Porn affects most womens self esteem because it is a major blow to know our partners are being turned on by another womans body and it can feel very much like cheating. That is a normal way to feel. Porn will 100% start to affect your sexual relationship, there is no doubt. With that in mind you may want to lend your support by giving it up yourself. It is not necessary for masturbation. I have used it in the past and I am so glad to have gotten rid of it. I was under some illusion that I was being "progressive" by using it. Yeah nope. Maybe learn more about what goes on behind the scenes at porn shoots. That helped me more than anything else.

Best of luck to you and your bf! He is making a huge step for your relationship. As for sex, my husband and I comtinued to have sex throughout his recovery. As long as he has no issues with fantasy (using porn fantasy to get, maintain an erection or to orgasm) there is no need to abstain. If he is using fantasy then abstaining is highly recommended for at least 90 days. Abstaining may help if he has porn induced erectile dysfucntion as well.

 

My fiance has been a wonderful support to me. She started by helping me understand how much my addiction was hurting her feelings, and that made me want to quit badly. Our sex life has been better and she gets excited and proud each month that I stay clean, and says it makes me more attractive because I have loyalty and discipline. So I think the best way to support him is to express your displeasure with the addiction in a very blunt way, but also to praise him and celebrate with him when he's recovering.

You said you watch porn a few times a month. A wonderful way to help him might be to also quit. Even though you may not be an addict, he might perceive it as being unfair if, in a Long distance relationship which can be difficult, you are asking him to abstain from something which you are not.

 

Definitely talk to him about it. Let him know that you are there to help him get through it. Ask him what he would like for you to do to be helpful. Maybe when you guys feel the "urge" to look at porn (I agree both should stop at this point in time in order to be supportive and successful) you guys can redirect yourselves by talking to each other.