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why people keep telling me I'm soft? Do they want me to be rude?

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by zeke27, Nov 15, 2021.

  1. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    What could be happening here I wonder
     
  2. your avatar doesn't look soft ...

    Yes, ask them! Ask them what they expect and why they want you to be different! Sometimes it's good to confront people or just give them a cold shoulder. Because then they maybe give you less bullshit. Then they'll see: you can be rude too. And for yourself it can be good when you see: I can be rude in certain situations. That doesn't mean you need to change.
    To be able to not be rude, impatient, angry, although you could be is actually a very good trait.
     
  3. PegasusKid

    PegasusKid Fapstronaut

    I'm not sure, sometimes people interpret disciplined emotion as soft. If you're not reactive, or overly passionate about minor things, or upset about the new thing that social media said you're supposed to be upset about, or other little minor things in your life that don't really warrant a strong reaction, some people see this as soft or passive. Just keep being you.
     
    Oliver Gunter, amaranth and zeke27 like this.
  4. I can relate to this most of the time I don't have it in me to be rude (Despite not liking political-correctness.) It really depends on who I am talking to I tend to be more introverted. Most of the time, But I tend to be ruder with guys than I am with women (maybe because I can handle banter with the bros as we understand each other's jokes.) I am however rather "softer" With women but I am working on that slowly. It's not that I view women as goddesses and deserve to have the ground beneath them worshipped but There's this ability women have to miraculously make me softer. A lot of times I just hate it! I like the more rugged and masculine side of me (It is also more attractive to women I believe.) But I can't seem to bring that side out of me. because women make me reveal my soft side which I fear makes me more feminine. Why do I feel 10x softer around women?!
     
  5. Robinthehood

    Robinthehood Fapstronaut

    Some people need those around them to be 'outputting' constantly. By 'outputting' I mean non stop chatter, giving opinion, professing ones state of being, judging others, and so on. Some people need that because they are not stable with themselves. They need to know what environment they are in so that they know how they themselves should behave or feel to be safe. Basically the people who say you are soft are not being put at ease by your presence. Perhaps they feel you are a threat to them, they don't understand you. I used to get that a lot, I was quiet by others standards. I listened rather than spoke. They thought I was weak and without opinion. They would try and make me say something by being insulting or undermining. They had to know what was going in in my mind. The same with you, they say you are weak but they actually see the opposite. They just need to know what you are thinking. What is the opinion of this strong guy?
     
    zeke27 likes this.
  6. Zephon

    Zephon Fapstronaut

    Without knowledge of the context where you are too soft, I would say:
    • maybe you don't defend yourself against some people? Maybe you let too many people do with you what they want and maybe you don't like it but you don't do something against it because of the lack of confidence
    • you don't force yourself through with your attitude or decision in specific situations
    • you are too worried about the consequences for the specific choice you want or would like to do, that's why you don't do it
    • maybe because of your look: how dressed you are, how fit you are etc.
    • you are maybe more the nice guy (maybe also introverted), which makes you soft
    But it could be everything without the context. I would recommend ask them, what they mean with "being too soft".
     
  7. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    What you'd recommend me to do? The context of my situation are all the points you mentioned.
     
  8. Archangel VIII

    Archangel VIII Fapstronaut

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    When do they call you soft? Do they say it after you complain, get offended, do something cowardly, and/or show weakness?
     
  9. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    Idk, they just do it, maybe is my way of being, IDK
     
  10. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    Because I don't want people to see me as weak.
     
  11. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    It could be, I don't know. I just wanna be confident and not let anyone see me as an easy target I mean, professionally, romantically, etc.
     
  12. Zephon

    Zephon Fapstronaut

    work on everything: dress how you feel comfortable, work on becoming more coinfident. Try something new and don't say to anything yes because you want to avoid conflicts - most of all don't say yes to something where you don't agree, be more honest. Allow yourself making a little bad joke on specific situations (but don't exaggerate).
    Go to gym, build muscles. Then someone shall tell you, that you are weak (I go to gyms and some women look at me during summer time ;) )
     
  13. zeke27

    zeke27 Fapstronaut

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    because I want real confidence, not superficial like you said. I want real confidence so anyone would see me as an easy prey in the world, someone easy to mess with, someone easy to scam, someone easy to take advantage of.
     
  14. Coolbreeze

    Coolbreeze Fapstronaut

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    People told you you are soft, so what? Who cares what you are like as long as you are who you want to be? If you are a little soft (compassionate, emotional and other) then you know those can be strengths as well right? It's all good as long as you like where you are at. Don't let others define who you are
     
    zeke27 and Grovald like this.
  15. Kevodrag

    Kevodrag Fapstronaut

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    I have a little algorithm in my life as to reacting to what people say about me:
    1. Is the person someone that looks out for me, and I trust to be truthful? Generally, this is your closest relatives, closest friends, maybe teachers, maybe classmates, workmates.
    If yes, think about what they are saying. If they are correct, and it’s a behavior that you should change or would like to change, START DOING THAT. If they are not correct, then they aren’t.

    2. No matter who the person is, if it is true, don’t be disheartened. Simply thank them, and take it as sort of a wake up call.

    You are your guiding light, you choose for yourself, so choose right. Enjoy your day!
     
    fredisthebes likes this.

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