The Lord of the Rings Challenge

493 days

 

Day 8 finished.

I fell great recently

Transformation complete: Uruk-Hai form aquired!

 

59 days
This time I'll make it to the 90

Had a dream about relapsing this night. Need to be more careful with the dopamine...

 

Day zero,

Rethinking about nofap and about how these god dam first 72 hours are killing me.

I’m going into lockdown mood, just staying as far away from my phone for as long as I can for the next three days. I’ve setup a porn blocker (I don’t know why I didn’t have one in the past) and the phone itself is black and white. So, there are 2 different speed bumps that would help me make a last second changes before I fall again.

Any other tips?

 

Yes my friend. PMO has been an ingrained part of my life since early teenage years. Getting rid of it is such a big and uncomfortable change. I need to shift my identity and re-evaluate who I am.

 

Day 6 - Orc, The Dark Tower Barad-Dûr

 

10 days. Good to be back at two digits

 

Tired today. Didn't end up doing much. Pretty dishoveled and I don't feel great inside today. I've been eating poorly and more or less becoming depressed again. I did not get much sleep last night, and won't get enough tonight either but I hope I can get through tomorrow better than this. Am getting the laundry done as I planned, thought I'd be done before 11pm though. :]

I had an energy drink tgis morning too ecen though I stopped having them, but I wanted to make sure I stayed awake. They make me sick though, I don't know how people can have those things daily.

 

Day 275 no PMO. Playing golf today. Should be a good day.

 

Hey! From my experience and what I've heard, it's normal that the devil try harder to make you fall if you're about to receive or be part of blessings. Stay strong, it will pass.

I don't know what semen retention exactly is tho... Could you explain me? Are you supposed to prevent wet dreams in some way?

 

This is really great - one week to go - super super achievement
I had a look at your journal and didn't see anything since Sept.
Any chance of a summary of the highs and lows, with tips and tricks for the rest of us, when you cross the line?

 

Day 2
Chaser effect almost got me in this morning. I woke up alone and a bit dizzy, went to the bathroom and was about to relapse when, thank God, someone rang the bell and I had to answer it. Literally saved by the bell.
I've also calculated how much time I've been on nofap comunity, and it's a sum of 216 days. Through that period, I've relapsed 26 times, which means a 12% of days relapsing and 88% of no PMO! This really made me hopeful, since I couldn't get more then 5 days apart from PMO when I started, and those numbers show some progress, even though it could be better by now... And if I don't relapse until the one year birthday of NF, I'll be about 150 days. It seems too far away from what I think I can achieve, but I'll try my hardest to get there.

 

Oh I'm glad semen retention doesn't mean also stopping wet dreams... Because imo doing that would be probably unhealthy both physically and mentally.

Also from personal experience, after some time, maybe months, without watching P or letting casual images seduce you, you can have wet dreams that are free of sexual imagery. I.e you might just have a dream were you're really happy or talking to someone you like.

 

Day 8 - Urak-Hai!!

Feeling kinda horny I guess. No desire to view, and some desire to MO, though I realized that I will probably have trouble doing it once I even start, and so I will try some other strategies to relax.

I journaled a little bit last night. Mainly reviewing entries from the hospital and creating a summary to discuss with my therapist. I left all of my other journals and a couple books, at my apartment when I came home from the hospital, so I could only journal in the journal I got in the hospital. I also was able to read a book I have not read in over a decade. Murder with Mirrors was the first Agatha Christie book I ever read, and I figure as a lot of my issues stem from around the age I first read the book, I would try to get into that mindset to help me deal with that trauma.

Anyway, short checkin today.

God Bless you all!
Best,
Mathman1994

 

Finally, after 30 days I'm back on being an elf, I need to get my shit together before I relapse again, but I feel more confident, more happy and more secure about myself, I achieved a lot on a single month of no PMO, so I'm just happy for myself. Good luck to everybody on this fight. ¡YOU CAN DO IT!

 

Day 13, had a hard time in the last few days that's why I was not available

 

Day 76! Frustrated mostly as new things get in my way as soon as I start engaging in something, though I will try to channel this into solving them also, and learning from them. Will go to sleep early tonight to wake up early In the morning, as it seems that there is not much I can do today without being sucked in a 2-3 hour binger just to confirm some accounts.

 

574 days semen retention

 

Checking in day 3
Atomic Habits - "With outcome based habits you focus on what you want to achieve, with identity based habits you focus on what you want to become...
It is one thing to say I am a person who wants this, it is very different to say I am a person who is this"

So my true nature is not to be a pervert, my true being is not perverted. My parents were going through a type of alcohol fuelled war when I was little and I couldn't deal with the threat of my mother leaving, which hung over us as a constant but didn't happen until I was older. A friends big brother brought back mags from abroad, and that was my first exposure to P. M followed in the years to come and became a huge mental painkiller, while at the same time eroding my resilience and ability to handle any difficulties, which lead to me not being able to handle any reality. Then I started drinking, drugs and smoking, etc... and the M continued. I built a false confident ego, then girlfriends became my greatest crutches, totally dependent relationships, ego to ego. All of this was to get as far away from the pain of reality as possible, while all the while making my reality more and more painful. Long story longer - I got my shit together and decided no more superficial relationships. PMO is the first and the last addiction, and facing it is bringing me face to face with the both the original pain and all the self-pain caused since. So I am just a normal human being who chose to follow the way of the Orc, but my inner being is not Orc. I will start with this, building good habits around the true being and stopping all the bad habits that take me away from this true self.

The goal is not to stop PMO, the goal is to stop being a pervert and become a human being again