How many here relate..

Hate my dad too alcoholic weed smoker , kid beater,
Once he told me to convert to christianity
Im not anti christian but im free to choose my believe and i dont want to be christian

So gladd hes not around anymore, almost 10 years now, even tho his sin still impact my life until now gladd hes not here

 

I couldn't have had a better dad tbh my mother was the crazy one . My father rarely had a bad word between us we had our moments but never left a conversation we didnt sort it out My father is level headed and very easy going plus I respect him so I watch what i say . And we never get in arguments . My advice intamacy is great and all but give kids space and respect there space and they will respect you for it . My mother is the opposite and is a very overbearing person shes fiery and hot headed and doesn't respect people's boundaries . And there are arguments all the time ..... There's being a parent and there's completely ruining the family dynamic by being bat shit fuck those people

 

@Overforme

I see young people every day in my line of work, and I marvel at how their fathers and mothers support them.

That seems so foreign to me.

I won't go into all the terrible details now, but I will just say that I can identify with your experience.

@Upwards2020 says his mother was "the crazy one," and I had it bad on that side too.

A few years ago, I learned in another context about pathological personality disorders.

That at least helped me understand and acknowledge the terrible and miserable situation in the house growing up.

No one knew what I suffered, and when I tried to tell people, they didn't believe me and thought I was just a spoiled complainer.

That and embarrassment is why I've kept all of this and its damage to myself.


Recently, my biological father was charged and pled guilty to two felonies and is now serving probation.

His actions even in his old age are still typical of all those I witnessed growing up.

There were times during my youth when he should have gone to jail.

However, it was best that he wasn't arrested back then, because we were totally dependent on him for support.

When I read the story of his latest crime in the news, his actions and lies were all too familiar.

It was shocking, but I also felt that it showed the world something of all I suffered.

It confirmed that my complaints against him were not just from a petulant child.


I have not seen that man in 28 years.

I have not seen my biological mother in 26 years.

When I got away, I did not look back and was happy to be free and to have my own life.


I am not going to speculate on how all this relates to PMO.

Childhood experiences and PMO may or may not be related.

Nonetheless, traumatic childhoods are part of us, and we must deal with these along with everything else at the same time.

 

Similar story, alcoholic verbal physical abusive dad, found his porn at a young age. Heard him treat my mom like shit.
But honestly, and this is my story here, I found a tremendous amount of relief and inner peace by forgiving him. Truly forgiving not just saying that. I’m 31 now and it took me awhile but I only wish that man therapy and peace and that he can find some kind of resemblance of normalcy and happiness. It’s not worth eating all that poison on hate and disdain cause in the end it only effects you and how you live your life. Basically I refuse to let him dictate my habits and how I’m going to treat my family, or even my happiness. I take responsibility for me and I forgive him. It’s helped me let go of a lot of it.

 

Having a bad father equates to porn addiction?

 

Yea it was the same with my mother . Anyone outside my family didn't understand just thought I hated my mother but when my father divorced my mother and we went to love with him people obviously knew she was the problem we went to a family councilor and at one point and the therapist three the book at her said she was to blame for the entire family dynamics she was bat shit abusive alcoholic. Wasn't a day went by I was on an abusive argument with her I stayed out of the house as much as possible. She'd start fights drunk and when you couldn't make heads or tails of it and put her on the spot she'd have not the slightest clue what the argument was about but she had the nerve to still try and twist and twist and put all her furry in it she walk away believing it herself. She'd follow people from room to room arguing nonsense then start it all over again after it had finished an hour ago . She'd bail into your room at 5 in the morning and start all over again . She would lie to the extended family about things and try to turn them against you . The list is very very lengthy.( They spoke to me one night and said they know what she's like she's always been that way then started telling me shit shed done in the past

She's a strange person my mother . But i know it's pathological and it's compulsive incurable . She doesn't learn from her mistakes . I have the upper hand though I can take all she's got to give. She needs me she needs me to argue with that's the way she is . I keep her at arm's length and that's the best I'm going to get with her

 

Sad story. My mother is similarish. Mayeb your mother is a malignant narcissist. What ever she is, she definitely had it rough when she was a kid. I'm learning that it can be verey helpful and healing to appreciate her childhood traumas as she was an innocent once too. There are also some good books like: Narcissistic Abuse Recovery by Dr. Theresa J Covert

 

My dad tried to get me to treat my mom like shit. Actually, he attempted to raise me to treat all women like trash. I wouldn't do it though and he resents the fact that I'm a very different person than him. Well, I resent the fact that I didn't have the father that I needed growing up. I really didn't have any positive male role models and that's something that I needed. My dad embodies the concept of toxic masculinity (yes, it's a real thing) and his friends are the same way. I needed someone to show me what healthy masculinity was and I completely missed out on that. I feel like I could've avoided a lot of pain and suffering if I had a better father but he made no attempt to teach me about life or warn me about certain things, he just wanted me to hate women.