The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 6. Today went by smoothly. Some temptation, but nothing impossible to deal with. I'm very close to a 7 days streak and I'm very proud of this achievement. Also, happy Thanksgiving to you all; here in Italy it's not a thing(for obvious reasons) and I personally didn't even know it occurs today(it should still be Nov 25 in most of the States now due to time shift), but it's a festivity full of deep meaning so I will surely use the chance to reflect upon all the good things I'm grateful for, starting with the support I found on this platform.

 

61 days

@Talz congratulations on doing this very big step towards recovery. You're gonna make it! We're all gonna make it!

Today now this is the longest streak this year and the second longest streak ever. But today and tomorrow I'm home alone for many hours. Urges are at maximum and my armor is cracked. Lot's of thoughts like 'doing it once won't cause any harm' or 'you came so far you deserve a treat' or 'you need to reduce the pressure' or even 'you need to show yourself again that porn is not worth it by watching porn'. And added to that the frustration at work OMG everything goes downhill at work right now.
But it already helps writing about it. And also what @newbobido wrotes about porn industry being fake and destroying lifes. Btw, what exactly are you working again? Sorry, I didn't fully get that.

But you know, maybe I survive the next two days maybe I don't. I have to start approaching things with more humility, that's why now comes my Thanksgiving list (no particular order):
I'm thankful for

• living in a great country
• being healthy
• everyone liking me
• being open to Buddha's teachings
• having no financial problems
• the fellowship and the whole NoFap community

and many more things. I'm realizing I'm a very lucky guy.
Thanks for reading

I hope this time I'll make it to the 90

 

Day 277 no PMO. Great food, family and friends yesterday. No temptations.

 

Really great victory. I mean that is a serious blow to your enemy. Very well done man!
Look after yourself. We feel down as part of our withdrawl, as you know, just don't let the enemy in your head convince you that P is the fix. It is not the fix, it is the problem. This is it's greatest weapon, convincing you it's in some way deserved, "good for you", when it is utter poison.

 

Checking in friends - day 5 Uruk Hai
There seems to be a lot of posts about feeling like the urges are coming back, or there have been some triggers or some fishing.

Right now I am in a good place with no urges, but reading all these posts makes me wonder what are the cheat sheets for when urges come back, or I'm triggered, or I peek or fish (which I absolutely do not plan to even consider)? Because I still have this ingrained belief that once I'm triggered I have no strength, or if the urges come they never really go away, or if I peek or fish I'm done (again not condoning these last actions).

I'd be very grateful if you have urge / trigger reactions/ plans that you use that you could share here also, and in the meantime I will also take a stab at it below:

Pre urges:

• Memories - think of something else, something that interests me
• Mental pressure to peek, fish or act out (while not an actual urge) - Read up on the harm of PMO - Post to this forum
• Drudgery in Work - do a diff task for awhile - take a break - get some fresh air - do some breathing exercises - play some music - chat a friend or colleague - break the task into manageable chunks - just do 2 mins more
• Being rejected or ghosted by a colleague or friend - nip any self pity in the bud - go for a walk in nature - observe the animals and birds
• Realise this time will pass and I will be strong again shortly

Triggers

• Trigger content being talked about in work - tune out, change the subject, get back to work
• Flirting or being flirted with in work - be kind, and get out of the situation
• Getting a text or chat with trigger content - delete - get some fresh air - stay away from electronics as much as possible the rest of that day or night
• Seeing a trigger scene on a film or TV - Ideally this should not happen as I am committed to a full detox for 90 days but if it does then divert the eyes, switch off, skip past it, get away from electronics
• Tired/ Exhausted at end of day - do not lean on the devices to relax, go for a walk, fresh air, or if too tired read a book or even a comic if I just want something light, wind down nice and easy, get to bed early and look forward to good night's sleep
• Trigger content comes up in searches etc... - have blockers on, and if something still comes up, turn it off and turn away - flee from this like it was the plague - go for a walk
• Study the harm of PMO
• Keep posting here
• Realise this time will pass and I will be strong again shortly

Urges
If the urges come on strong here is a list of stuff I can use:

• Post here asap
• Look to do some activity for at least an hour
• Watch a non trigger movie - this takes my mind to another place
• Play a game, preferably a board game
• Read an absorbing book, novel, comic
• Go for a run (preferably trail run in nature)
• Go for a cycle
• Go for an open water swim
• Do a workout - but I have found with physical training you have to put in double the effort, really break into a good sweat because only half doing the workout can make the urges worse
• Book a physio, chiropractor or massage therapist, or just go nuts on the foam roller & tennis ball
• Call up a friend(s) or family and arrange to meet up - remember that this meeting will be terrible and will leave an awful impression on your friend (s) if you relapse beforehand
• Plan to get to bed early, and best is have a planned meeting early the next morning (e.g. a workout or jog) so you are motivated to go to bed early
• Keep up the breathing exercises, but I find, when the urges come on, something more physical really helps
• Realise this time will pass and I will be strong again shortly

In the case I've peeked or worse still fished

• Treat it like a mini relapse
• Do the plane crash post mortem
• Get really really serious with yourself - what the fuck are you doing!
• Realise this time will pass and I will be strong again shortly
  
• Watch the freedom fight video on relapsing
• Realise I just need get get trigger free days between me and that last peek
• Realise the delta fos b highways will be screaming for action
  • Man up to these urges and face the bastards down
  • This is the time for chest beating, really really go into battle mode
• Get out as much as possible
• Meet people as much as possible
• And if this is not possible then fill the days with activities or movies anything to take the mind off the trigger
• Post here
• Go for a very long hike, long run, long cycle - like get out for 3-4 hours min
• Ask for help
• Pray hard on hands and knees please St. Michael defend us !

 

Got back to my workout today, but I'm way weaker. I was doing 50 push-ups a day and this morning completely failed. Trying to learn better form so that's probably part of it. This last period has been a blur... Brainfog is real. I am going to have to accept that this last binge has taken a lot out of me. I'm not eating as well, not sleeping as well, stopped working out. My OCD brain is trying to tell me things like: "You can't start a new streak until you accomplish 'x' task" and that I have to do things in different orders and stuff. I am more prone to obsessing over stuff like this when I'm not doing well. Right now I just want to feel freedom from this again. I know that I have to start today, and will have to accept that I'm a lot weaker right now and will have to make the challenges I give myself more manageable. I've seen the difference between how I preform with PMO and without it for an extended period and the difference is pretty big.

Thank you for all the congrats and well wishes and stuff. Read them all. In this fog I feel nothing over deleting the collection, but thankfully I have you guys to remind me it was a big victory.

 

Day 1

I went on my first date ever today. Unfortunately it got cut short because she had to take her dog to the vet, she's still there now as I'm typing this. I'm just focusing on keeping her company since she's super super stressed and obviously going through a tough situation right now.

 

Day 0: Nazgûl (You were once a man, a great King, now fallen to the power of PMO)

After a lot of relapses I am deciding to give it a serious go again and start a new streak before I have to go to work. I have to work four in a row so if I can get through that then at least I’ll know the chaser effect is beaten, and a good chunk of the day will be eaten up so slightly less time to relapse. Listening to “Your Brain on Porn” gave me hope I can still do this.

I don’t think I should set as big of goals as I used to as I oddly feel in unfamiliar territory right now. It's like there’s something different about what I’m experiencing now versus previous nofap experiences. I fear the benefits I built up are gone now, but hopefully that won’t prove to be completely true. I just think there’s something unique about having a big streak and then hitting rock bottom after; people seem to have a very hard time getting back to where they were. As I continually relapse I'm starting to feel more like how I did prior to joining the fellowship. Like someone who is at home as a Nazgûl!

I will make goals for each rank, slowly building myself back up from scratch rather than expect I can do everything I could before. As a Nazgûl my goal is simply to make it through this next 24 hour period and cast off the cloak. Nice and simple, but I have a feeling it could end up being as hard as it was in the old days. I can tell my brain is once again used to feeding off porn and masturbation and is now expecting it regularly again. Those old neural pathways have opened up!

I remember the first time I ever posted here that night as a Nazgûl was one of the hardest, if not the hardest nights of battling the PMO ring I've ever had... I was pretty much bed ridden with urges and withdrawal symptoms. It's crazy to think about how addicted I got! But from that I learned that I could say no to urges no matter how strong they were; that it was just short term pain for long term gain.

If I have to fight that hard again I will!

 

Day 285

 

496 days

 

576 days semen retention

 

Day 113

@Talz I feel both your suffering and your victory man. We're with you. Fight, we don't surrender on a hit! Love yourself and others! God bless you

 

18 days – PMO forces have spotted you!! With haste you use the Bucklebury Ferry to cross the Brandywine river.

I'm an elf now

 

Day 4

I've been feeling fine. Today I watched the presentation of a undergraduate final paper from a friend and I could cheer with her the approval. Those moments make it all worth it. Joy is not about spending time with a screen in a fake intimacy, but creating real conections with people. Tomorrow is my last studying day for the last final exam. This is really adding some stress to my days, but the urges have been manageable.

 

Day 11 complete

 

Day 5 complete

 

Day 0.

Big fall for me. I didn't look at anything, but I did end up masturbating to orgasm twice within the span of a couple hours. It was like the first time wasn't enough, as if I needed to add more or really "solidify" the fall. Very disturbing mindset, like I could see my tolerance shooting back up before my very eyes.

The whole falling process felt very mechanical. My AP told me we need to increase our ability to say "no" and that I should give meditation a shot. I do make time for meditation most days, but I'm very undisciplined with what I do during the meditation. I can't sit still, can't clear my head or focus my thoughts, can't keep a lid on my energy. Any meditation tips would be appreciated.

St. Martin of Tours, pray for us!

 

Worry not about the past, for Life/Jesus/Biology (whatever you prefer), is always with you until the end of age!
Also, yes... The form has a lot to do with the push-ups, so while you're training to do more, focus on strengthening the mind-body connection so you can use the appropriate amount of energy for the required actionwhile being able to take count of the surrounding forces like gravity.

 

Though luck on the streak. I can however help you with the meditation stuff, and others feel free to use these words if you cannot get the hang of meditation quite as you wish to, as it seems many do not quite get what meditation is.
It's not complicated, but at the same time, our life, our circumstances, our past behaviors make it so, so do not take it personally as a failure... wait a few seconds as my eyes get refocused to the daylight color scheme of my monitor...
Alright, back in focus!
The first thing is to set a timeframe (again, 10 minutes is the perfect amount to start with as there are many diverse guided meditations of 10 minutes as opposed to the 5 minutes ones on the internet, and more than that can be done in other extra sessions if you feel motivated to explore further).
1.Setting yourself to do it daily is better since, the same as nofap, or any habit, can easily loose it's traction when skipping a day (I did dis many times in my past, finding myself days, maybe even weeks without meditating as the pace of life became more and more chaotic by my own personal hand).
2. It's a thing that you do now, it's not a thing that you have to do. Keep this in mind, as setting it as a thing you have to do, might bring more resistance, it's part of your lifestyle now. You eat, you drink, you sh#t, you meditate (the order is not important, it's just to exemplify what makes you).
3. The timeframe(5, 10 minutes) has been set and now, it is a good idea to acknowledge that this time represents but a small fraction of your day, an important fraction of your day, that you offer to yourself, a small gift to yourself because you survived until this point.
4. Let go of everything else for that time, for you already set that time to meditate, TO BE, and NOT TO DO. Of course, your mind and body is used to receiving new inputs all the time, creating thoughts to receive more., not because it needs them, but because it is used to that. It is quite imperative to really understand that in these 10 minutes no other action will be taken to change life. Unless your life is in immediate danger, there is no reason to think or act towards things that are happening outside you for those 10 minutes.
5. Always refocus attention on your breathing when you find yourself thinking about anything (and you will find yourself thinking quite often. Honestly, it's actually amazing the amount of thoughts that a human is bombarded with every passing minute).
6. Just let the feelings be, notice them with curiosity, and do not wait for something to happen, what will happen, will happen.

P.S: In case this information does not satisfy you for whatever reason, as you cannot relate to these words (which is a valid reason by the way), or are conditioned to listen to the words of someone with a degree, or more well-assembled wording, authority, popularity or proven experience (existing possibilities), I suggest the Waking Up app by Sam Harris.I think that the app will guide you step by step. I'm more of a "down in the trenches" kind of person.