The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 79! Another victory in waking up at 5 am! not surprising since I went to bet at 9 pm, but still good! the dark sky starts to slowly break at now 8 am time. It's going to be another cloudy day... but a weekend cloudy day, a day in which 0 cement panels need to be lifted!
Have a great weekend everyone and be aware that the weekend is when the PMO forces are more numerous due to the lack of activities, so beware of that sneakiness. They might be more numerous, but you are smarter, stronger than that, and deep down, you know it!

 

Day 278 no PMO. It’s Rivalry Saturday in college football and I’m pumped! Gonna be a great day!

 

Day 3

I hope that I’m out of dangerous part. But I’m still feeling weak.

The weekend is here and I’m hoping to do nice things and see people and in general not have too many urges. I’m just going to keep myself busy.

@Christoph108 my job is removing bad content from facebook, so I see fucked up shit all day long… porn is not even the weirdest part of it

 

Relapse on day 5.

 

No you won't. PMO'd twice yesterday, once today. I'm completely off track and lost my way. Meditation is not going well since weeks, I'm worrying about money and can't decide in which funds to invest in, I'm playing violent video games and now I even turned to porn again. God damnit!
I hope you guys are doing better than I am

 

Return to cold showers, Increase the time under it! There is still time, slow down and build slowly again. We are with you!

 

Day 2 - Relapsed

Small stuff accumulated leading me to relapse, I'm still catching myself fishing for triggers which even simply the act of doing that (even if i dont actually see anything) causes an urge. I really need to figure out why I keep allowing myself to fish for triggers because that's been the main problem recently. I've also been quite stressed due to overthinking and overanalysing my date yesterday. I know logically nothing went wrong and everything is going great between me and my interest but yknow, my brain is doing stupid shit and it caused some urges because I've spent most of my life using PMO to relieve stress and anxiety.

 

Day 114

 

Day 16

 

Checking in, all good

 

Day 11 - Urak-Hai

Life is going pretty well. I am caught up on notes for my classes, and still have a day and a half to get ahead on work. One of my best friends had a dream that he had to go on a journey of 52 weeks no sex, masturbation, and any other way of sexually acting out including viewing. He asked me to join him on the journey and as I am not expecting to be sexually active anytime soon, I agreed. My therapist need not know that I am giving up on MO for a year or more. Right now, I cannot even O without P or certain pornographic fantasies, so MO seems pointless at this point anyway.

Left my journals at my apartment when I can home to my parents for Thanksgiving, so I have not been able to work on them, and I have not showered in two days (though I plan to shave and take one tonight). Language practice has been off for a couple days too and I have not gotten out of bed right away since three days ago. However, until last night, I have not been on YouTube, and I only plan to spend Fridays on Youtube, if even that in the future. YouTube has a lot of triggering videos and the clickbait on videos can feature scantily clad women to draw in viewers and that can be triggering, so I avoid YouTube.

My mindset has been so much better since getting out of the hospital, and I believe that though NNN failed about halfway through, I can make it the rest of the way and even stay clean permanently if I do not become complacent.

Anyway, hope you all do well.
Best,
Mathman1994

 

Here are some suggestions:

Thich Nhat Hanh


If you are too distracted then maybe try chanting/singing Taize


Anthony de Mello also has some good exercises
http://dt.pepperdine.edu/courses/regents 2015/Anthony de Mello - Sadhana - A Way to God.pdf

The Ten Percent or Insight Timer Apps also have lots of guided meditations

 

Day 11,

Went for a hike and not many urges recently. Other than one fishing instance at day 6 all has been well on this streak. Keeping fit and trying to change my environment if and when I feel an urge coming on.

Best to you all Fellowship!

 

Day 1

I relapsed! Kinda bummed about it considering how I felt last time I posted, but today was my birthday and I thought what better way to start a new year than by kicking PMO for good!

 

I had some thoughts about searching for p. Thankfully they stayed there, they're just thoughts in my (probably still addicted) brain.

I'm much stronger after those months, I know how bad I'd feel if I fall again and how hard it is to get out of the loop...

Don't want to feel hollow again.
Don't want to betray my beloved God.
I don't want to keep ruining my life

 

Happy birthday man! That probably is the best present you can give yourself!

 

497 days,
Yesterday , I don't know what i was doing as i installed the adult game which i used to play and played it for some time, later realised i was doing wrong and immediately uninstalled it and focused myself on other tasks.