I Have a Question

I’m just curious. What is the efficacy rate of NoFap? Have you recovered long term? How long to you is long term? I’d like to know. Of course this couldn’t possibly be scientific. It would require everyone’s participation to be posted. But if you’re willing to post yours at least we can get a good idea.

 

You didn't really answer my questions. I think we can all agree that the results suck and I would hardly call it a success rate. More like a failure rate to me. Yes addiction is hard to overcome. Yes people have to be willing to put in the hard work. Yes it takes discipline determination courage etc. And yes everybody wants a quick fix for that which was years in the making. We see it with weight loss all the time. It took ten years to put on 50 lbs and we want to lose it in a week. But what is the efficacy rate of NoFap? If it is no better than anywhere else what makes it any better than anywhere else? I would really like to know.

 

Interesting response. This poses another question now. What is your objective with NoFap? Is it to fix your libido or is it to fix your addiction?

 

I agree. I am significantly disappointed in the addict responses. I don't want conjecture from addicts. I want answers to the questions that I asked. If I wanted opinions from them I would have asked for their opinion. Are pretty much all addicts going to sidestep the questions and come up with an answer to anything but the questions?

This is very typical of addicts to respond either to a question with a question or to respond with a deflection answer to the question never really answering the question asked in the first place. JSYK I'm not talking about you hope4healing. It's like this whole entire focus on porn addiction when what we have learned is it's not about pornography at all. It goes much deeper than that. Porn is nothing but the catalyst to it. The motivation and objective is not going to get you where you want to be unless you like quick short term fixes because that's all you're ever going to get. I don't get it.

Guys your broken dick is not the problem. Your broken brain is.

 

Fair enough Trobone. We define success as no more porn. We define success as no more jerking off. We define success as no more lying cheating gaslighting and abusing us. We are your wives. Not your punching bag or door mat. Fixing your dick is just anatomy. Fixing your brain is forever life changing. You’re never going to fix your brain with a 30 day reboot. I’m not even convinced it does in 90. When all these boys figure that out maybe they can truly start recovery. Incidentally, when we talk about our body let’s not forget that our brain is included in that. What we do to our body also has a profound impact on our brain too.

 

First of all I don’t really care that you feel I’m spoiling for a fight. I feel that people like you can’t answer the hard questions because they make you very uncomfortable. So your solution is to go on the offensive and attack me for it. That’s fine. Bring it. I don’t care if you think that I am angry. I’m not the least bit angry. Why the hell cant you boys just answer the questions asked of you without trying to mansplain it to us? Give me a damn break. I found help for myself and my husband found help for himself. We don’t need your help. You can wallow in your addiction all you want to. I’m not even talking to you. I’m talking to people who actually want to recover.

 

Would you stop with all of this progress not perfection stuff? I don't think any of us are expecting perfection. We're expecting a minimum level of expectation for us to feel safe. Most everyone has a zero tolerance policy for what they will and will not find acceptable in their lives. For example I have a zero tolerance policy for use of illegal drugs. Is that because I expect perfection or is that because I expect to feel safe? I don't feel safe with illegal drugs in my presence and therefore there is no place for it in my life...ever. I think it is safe to say for most of us women here we have a zero tolerance for our husbands to engage in PMO. Sorry but if you don't like it you're always free to sever the relationship and move on to somebody that will accept it. Perfection is not an expectation nor is it even part of the equation.

Last just because you think what you are doing is successful by your own measure that's fine for you. Not for me. I learned in the serenity prayer that I accept the things I cannot change. That is you. I change the things that I can. That is me. But I certainly have learned to know the difference. I accept whatever your belief is whether that PMO is harmless occasional PMO is not a big deal and all of that. But reciprocally you must accept that you too can only change the things that you can which means you can't change your SO. That's not gonna happen. They only change if/when they want to change. Good luck finding one who will permanently accept repeated failures indefinitely in their life. Failure is a normal part of learning. Failure for the same reasons over and over again pretty much defines insanity. Eventually they will tire of it and sever the relationship. Then it is conversation over. You've reached the end of your rope.

Bottom line? You have a choice. You always have a choice. It's just now that we're on to you your choices are limited by our propensity to uphold our boundaries of what we are and aren't willing to live with. We have learned to stop enabling the behavior that is so toxic to us. If you are comfortable and your SO too with relapses then more power to you. I'm not and guess what that has brought into our lives. Progress!

 

BTW a hook and gimmick pretty much sounds like a fraud to me. Is that what this is?

 

A fraud by any other name is still a fraud. Ok. Marketing then. That make you happy? Still don’t see how it isn’t a fraud but OK. If it were really on the up and up it would just be the truth in black and white. No hooks. No gimmicks. Just the truth. Just for the record I didn't say it was a hook and gimmick. You did.

I didn’t make any assumptions about your marriage. I'm utilizing “you” as anyone of you who follows this mindset. Not you personally. Don’t even go there. At this point I’m not even sure what your argument is anymore.

I still want to see some of you boys come forth and actually answer the questions I asked of you in the first place instead of all of this crap though.

 

I pretty much said from the onset it wasn’t scientific. I was only seeking a general idea. I care about the numbers. If this program is 5% effective and another is 10%, I’m going for that 10%. Of course vice verse is true too. I think it’s safe to say that all of us want the most efficient and effective recovery means possible.