The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 3

Long day today, and fatigued at the prospect of the work I have to complete before the end of the year. Got home and felt the stress-induced urge to relapse, managed to fight it and ended up having a beer instead - well aware that this is a poor coping mechanism so I’d welcome any suggestions for healthy alternatives, one thing I need to do is prioritise prayer and reading my Bible.

I realise I forgot to clarify at the beginning of my reboot; I’m doing it on hardcore mode (no fishing), really felt the urge to relapse but thankfully it passed. Goodnight all!

 

Checking in. All good. Getting late, going to get offline

 

Thanks man. I didn't even think of it this way. I guess I just don't want to be vulnerable or have anyone else have any power over me or my emotions, especially girls. Looking at my past experiences it's easy to see why.

I wanna be bullet proof so to speak. Impossible though.

 

I'll think about what to do. Maybe I'll see if she just wants to swap telegrams or something as I know she has one.

 

499 days

 

congrats on the sex!

 

Most of my faith is based on the text and to realy find out the truth you need to realy doubt what you already believe, this is not necessarily a bad thing, but it is hard because I am very involved in my faith.

 

Day 1

 

Thank you for the encouragement!

 

Day 288

 

2 days
Dad told me he now has heart problems that can't be fixed. Even though he's an idiot and we don't have much contact anymore I have a lump in my throat all the time.

 

Day 3

Very long, exhausting day at work. Had to deal with a rude customer early on so that effected my mood. I already doubted people a lot, but since starting work here it's been a lot worse... On another note though when I see the average person I know I should be able to win at life as my competition isn't very good, yet so much deeply buried self doubt seems to hold me back. I have this strange combination of arrogance and low confidence. Or maybe it's not really rooted in any of that... I just feel that people fundamentally aren't good enough deep down, yet I include myself in that too I guess. Actually I think I think I'm the worst, but maybe secretly the best. At least I think that's what's going on. I don't really know how to explain it...

A friend once told me: "I think you have expectations of people" which threw me off as I thought everyone did.

I just want people to be smarter, kinder, more awake or something like that... My expectations of myself are much higher than anyone else as I must be perfect. Perhaps this is to make up for the past? I want to be perfect to make up for my past and I want others to reflect the kind of interactions and relationships I wish I could have had. I also just want to live in a more connected community... People here don't care about each other.

Have urges again today, but they are manageable. It's always manageable in the end... Relapse is a choice.

 

Day one.

I live in the most trigger infested lifestyle I’ve ever lived in, but I’m kind of okay.

In the past the triggers were stuff like seeing a hot girl in some YouTube music video alone at home, and then PMO over that. Today are just random extremes. Like looking at 10 different dick pics at 0800 with my morning coffee and removing 20 sex bots’ viruses before lunch.

I’ve gotten into a good 3 times a week gym routine, and it feels great. and I did end up really loving the hot sauna after the workout. But the cool thing is the way German culture handles nudity. They don’t give a fuck and don’t make a big deal out of it, and so it really helps me to see a naked person and feel less “triggered by it”.

I hope I’m not setting myself up for failure. But I think that I am much in favor of trying to be a real live human and to experience life outside my protective bubble, and not just try to eliminate all of the triggers in the world. On the other hand, I’m still in day one, so I don’t really have a reason to be really cocky.

Hope everybody else is having a good day so far. No nut December is right around the corner

 

Perfect is the enemy of the Good. Only Sith Deal In Absolutes.


Just like you need to show yourself self-compassion, you should also try (and I know this is hard) to show compassion to everyone else.

I’m one million presents with you on the struggle with the “rat race”, and for YEARS I felt like I was losing it and it drove me into depression.
Turning my compass to point to a life of happiness instead of a life that has social status really made me look at everything differently (not that I’m not still looking to get status from people I don’t even like…).

 

Day 12 - Uruk-Hai, The Dark Tower Barad-Dûr

 

...you might try to sing psalm 51 for as long as you need. It helped me and it might help you.

 

I read your words and I had a question-'What is more important to be right or to be happy?'. If being right makes you sad -unhappy, then maybe it's the wrong kind of being right you are clinging to.

 

It is so true that most of us have the 'text faith' like a hibernating seed,whilst somehow never really caring enough about bringing it to life with determination and persistence, but always wanting to do it in our hearts.

 

Orc - Day 1

 

Day 281 no PMO. Got my vaccine booster yesterday and experienced slight symptoms about 9 hours later. Mostly body ache, headache and chills. Didn’t eat at all yesterday and when hunger presented I took time to pray for strength.