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Day 2 - Relapsed

Small stuff accumulated leading me to relapse, I'm still catching myself fishing for triggers which even simply the act of doing that (even if i dont actually see anything) causes an urge. I really need to figure out why I keep allowing myself to fish for triggers because that's been the main problem recently. I've also been quite stressed due to overthinking and overanalysing my date yesterday. I know logically nothing went wrong and everything is going great between me and my interest but yknow, my brain is doing stupid shit and it caused some urges because I've spent most of my life using PMO to relieve stress and anxiety.

 

Day 6

 

slipped, no excuse, I wasn't carefully enough, back on track

 

Day 21

 

Day 1 - Relapsed
(this is meant to be for yesterday, I forgot to post)

Ok so I don't want to explain too much about this since its personal but I have vvv good news today. So there's this girl that I don't know if I've talked about before but we met a while ago, we spent everyday together and long story short it didn't work out unfortunately because her Mum is super religious and was completely not ok with her daughter being in a relationship. I never got over here. Fast forward to now almost a year after, she messages me asking how I am, I tell her I was actually planning on messaging her on her birthday (4th of Dec). We catch up a bit, fast forward a bit she tells me she's missed me, I tell her I feel the same. We then start to slowly open up and eventually I just broke and told her I think in love with her, turns out, she feels the same way. Obviously I don't recommend doing what I did which was being hopelessly optimistic and hoping it would work out if I waited long enough, never getting over her, comparing other girls too her etc, I just got unbelievably lucky here. All this time, for an entire year of building up my feelings and emotions, she's felt the exact same way all this time. This is literally stuff that happens in romance movies this doesn't feel real but it is.

Honestly I can't remember what the relapse was from, it was way before the whole situation with her so it had nothing to do with that but honestly I don't care right now, I'm just going through ALOT of emotions right now.

 

578 days semen retention

 

Take it easy, you don't know who she is. You are in love of some idea of her. You don't really know if she is really in love. Also this is just teenage love. It's not real.

You haven't spend any time together you don't really know who she is. It's infatuation, you both have apparently.

Don't be so naive, you are giving your hearth easily for the endorphin intoxication or love.

 

Relapsed, unfortunatly

 

Day 157 - Rinnengan Bearer

 

Relapsed. Damn even after her telling me she loves me my trust issues still persist. I've been getting ALOT of relationship anxiety due to my trust issue trauma coming up again as always and it's ruining a perfectly beautiful relationship because I feel dependant on constant reassurance. Obviously, I can't say "just trust her, just don't get anxious" I think that will only get better with time, the thing I can improve right now though is actually distracting myself from the urges rather than just sitting there and convincing myself why I should relapse, which in this case, I've convinced myself because of my relationship anxiety. Yet again, relying on PMO to fix my feelings and problems, a classic.

 

Day 7

 

Day 158 - Rinnengan Bearer

 

579 days semen retention

 

Day 8