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Feeling confused about dating and life goals

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by Paper, Dec 5, 2021.

  1. Paper

    Paper Fapstronaut

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    Currently on my 105th day, going strong, have fewer cravings for P and M, feeling calmer but I am confused regarding my future. I am going for my masters degree and working full time, a year ago broke up with a gf (have no regrets, feeling 10x better emotionally), but right now I am finally able to do what I want, I have all the possibilities but I lack the will.
    Since break up I feel like I do not want to date again, I love to admire the looks of beautiful ladies, finally have the confidence to talk with them not giving a special attitude, just talking with them as people they are (they are not objects anymore) and things get easier for me and probably for them, even had made out in the club with one recently, but that was about it. The thing is, I feel like I do not want to continue anything further, I don't want to date, because I am feeling lazy to do so, to gift flowers, to give that special attention, being all super-duper sweet-hearted - even thinking about it makes me feel tired. I feel like I don't want the sex either. My previous gf has already moved further with another guy, I also have moved on (I don't even think about her, photos were deleted long ago), but without a new partner. I am working/studying almost every day, and finally, I have all the possibilities to travel, to live, to commit stupid decisions for fun (Tbh I really want a project car - a winter beater), to fulfill my dreams, but I don't know what I want from the future, I have no attraction (I love what I see, but I feel tired to start another relationship or even get involved to something- even with friends with benefits, I feel like it will drain me physically and mentally more, I have felt like most of the guys are always chatting with some ladies constantly, but I don't have chats with random girls, I only talk with my friend girls, which I don't have an attraction to because they are my friends and writing to random girls feels kinda stupid for me - I don't feel cool when random people write to me, same I feel about doing so. I haven't chatted with girls for a long time). I don't know where I want to live - my current small town or to the big city. I feel like I have castrated myself towards feeling something and also I do not know what I want from life now. I know that I want a nice apartment, a beautiful wife and kids, and a stupidly fast car, but right now, I feel like the only thing I want now is a stupidly fast car. In my opinion, it is not normal to feel nothing, there always has to be a drive for it. Has anyone got in the same situation and how did you manage to get out of it?
     
    goodnice 2.0 and GripStrength like this.
  2. DeeJ4y

    DeeJ4y Fapstronaut

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    It takes someone special to make you want to date again. Take your time and fully recover from the break up. And now this is a great opportunity to think about what you want to do living wise, where do you want to live? Now you do not have to think about someone elses opinion since you are single. God bless you.
     
    goodnice 2.0, GripStrength and Paper like this.
  3. GripStrength

    GripStrength Fapstronaut

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    That was me for a long time. Minus all the great habits you have. You don’t want to do it because it just seems fake probably. Just this big bs thing you have to work so hard for.

    I’d say rebuild a car and turbo it and have some fun. That’s what I used to want to do but didn’t. There’s no reason to not do the ONE thing you actually want to do.

    If you are ever genuinely charmed by a girl. Pursue her and make her yours. If you don’t feel like doing all this mingling stuff than don’t. Focus on what you actually want to do for now. You might get to a point where you feel like okay, you need a partner now to have a family. And if you get to that point. You should try really hard to pursue that. But if you aren’t at that point than no need to force it. Pursue what you actually want. Dump 10 000 dollars into an engine and go crazy.
     
    Paper likes this.
  4. GripStrength

    GripStrength Fapstronaut

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    Personally I can’t stand chatting with chicks and doing that whole player thing. Always getting digits and woah man this is so cool, I’m getting laid all the time bro bs. Comparing myself to people like that, as that is the standard of what I should be made me miserable, and I still struggle with comparing myself to that kind of person because it’s pushed as like woah so cool. When most of my life i literally thought it was so dumb. I let it get to me eventually and brainwash me.

    In my opinion that is totally normal to have zero drive to be like that. What that is, is a game. And guess what, I don’t want to play other people’s games. And it sounds like you don’t either.
    Honestly I’d look at it like “wow I’m thankful I don’t have to care about all that shit”. And just build your car man! If a chick throws herself at you maybe take the opportunity if anything. But it’s a great time in your life to focus on what is important to you... building a bad ass car. You’ll remember that car forever and tell your kids about it in the future and talk with fondness of how much you enjoyed it. Just do it. Don’t worry about the games. You don’t give a damn about the games.
     
    Last edited: Dec 6, 2021
    Paper likes this.
  5. Paper

    Paper Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for sharing your experience, really inspires me to move forward in life by continuing to focus on personal goals. Right now I feel like I am too young (22) for serious commitments, maybe I have simply not met my equal. Thank you again, and I also wish you good luck and strength to achieve your own goals ;)
     
    GripStrength likes this.

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