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Relapsing after long streaks

Discussion in 'Porn Addiction' started by MossField, Sep 26, 2021.

  1. MossField

    MossField New Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys,
    In the past year I have had 3 very successful nofap streaks. The initial one lasted 133 days, the next lasted 76 and the one I unfortunately just relapsed on lasted 50 days (notice the downwards trend - lol). Perhaps contrary to what I hear from others on forums similar to this one I find that the first 14-18 days are fairly straight forward for me as I am fuelled with motivation left over from a previous relapse which gives me a will to fight with. Where I seem to slip up is after this period of time the motivation starts to fade away and I slip into a false sense of security and so when rough days come along (illnesses or bad days at work) I have a hard time gathering my resolve and end up falling into the age-old trap of telling myself things like "you deserve it" or "it cant be that bad" etc... I am sure I am close to beating porn for good but I know that I am missing something here... Anyone have any similar stories or resources that could help? Thanks guys! :)
     
  2. E31

    E31 Fapstronaut

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    Happened to me a lot, I feel like it wont this time thanks to certain things finally "clicking" in my mind also due to serious trauma with certain kinds of p and drugs involved(works but I wouldn't recommend :D), but I'm sure that those days will happen such as you said especially when energy is low.
    I recently wrote down a lot of strategies and quick tools for weak moments and hung it up the wall and I'm almost eager for the next onslought of urges to see how they'll work out ;)
    To stay active on this site with a daily journal helps me as a constant reminder of the reasons why I'm doing this in the first place and also the motivation you get from others.

    Also understanding the mechanism behind addiction and our mind in general helps a lot. I can recommend this podcast

    All the best!
     
  3. MossField

    MossField New Fapstronaut

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    Hey man, great to hear from you.
    Its reassuring that someone else is facing the same sort of issues as me. I've read about the "monk mode" online and I think this will give me the best chance of a long-term streak so I'll try my best to keep up with it... I read your whole operation bluebird thread about your pmo journey - crazy stuff man. Wish you all the best :)
     
  4. E31

    E31 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for taking the time! Yea I think a lot of people can relate and knowing there are others on the journey definitely helps. Monk mode seems interesting although I've just read a little paragraph about it. I think my way of thinking isn't unlike that in that I always question the things I do and consume and what they do with me.

    Looking forward to read from you if you want to take part in the forum :)
     
    MossField likes this.
  5. GreenManLeaf

    GreenManLeaf Fapstronaut

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    I am not the best at this, but what ever you do, don't binge, If you were to fail, better finish it before it starts to feel too good.
     
    garmenclyde likes this.
  6. kropo82

    kropo82 Fapstronaut

    I had the same experience. During the first six years of me trying to quit porn I kept relapsing. I would often get to 3 weeks, sometimes to 3 months or so, and once to 22 months. But each time I would relapse and then give up until I could pick myself up and try again.

    It differs for different people. The important thing, I think, is that when you re-gather your resolve look hard at what went wrong and change things. Are there newly uncovered triggers you should avoid, or new techniques you have read about in people's journals here that you could try?

    For me the final piece of my sobriety jigsaw was finding these forums, I have not relapsed since joining. Keep trying, I am sure you will find the right set of techniques to use and triggers to avoid so that you can stay clean forever.
     
    Buddhabro2.0 and garmenclyde like this.
  7. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    I've had a few good streaks but similarly can't transcend that and live porn-free yet.

    I think for those of us still trying, we must keep digging deep into what are our underlying issues.

    What do we use porn for? There is a benefit, otherwise it would be ignored. Is it for loneliness? Avoiding boredom? Forgetting a regretful past or anger or trauma?

    I was just recommended the book 'no more mr nice guy' and in the first chapter, after 5 years trying nofap, I'm realising that I have been hiding my true personality away from people - because I believe I am inherently bad.

    That's deep. I'm looking up a counsellor today. Have to try something different right?

    I would invite you to take another careful look at your life, where you want to be, and what's holding you back. You might be close with those good streaks, maybe you just have 1 or 2 things left to sort out...!
     
    MossField likes this.
  8. hollyman

    hollyman Fapstronaut

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    relapse from good streaks is so danggerous and sometime hard to come back

    the voice like " you gota see this porn because once you got 100+ you cant see this anymore", "come on man 100+ day of nofap relapsing again once not gona hurt you progress"

    yeah man i fell to that kinda of voice so many
     
  9. sam30

    sam30 Fapstronaut

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    ignore it like a hulk
     
    MossField likes this.
  10. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    It's been a while since I have been back here and I am glad to see that the community is still going strong.

    I am in the middle of my streak at the moment. I have held off posting until I could get close to beating my previous streak which was 120 days. That streak broke both the porn habit and a more insidious habit which was jacking off to various fantasy scenarios in my head. However my sexual responses to my partner were still somewhat skewed and I relapsed after a while.

    I am currently in the middle of my second streak with a difference. Still no porn, no fantasies, no edging. However I am now trying to gear my response entirely to my partner. So I fap every few days with only her in mind. Bits and pieces of old fantasies and porn clips do pop up but I just let them float out again without engaging. I discovered in my previous streak that suppressing this made the feelings stronger. So now, I just let them float and shatter into nothing. It's almost like my brain is tossing up these images to see if the connections formed through them are still relevant. Hopefully, this exercise of disengagement will permanently shatter them.

    With my streaks, I have noticed that the addiction manifests very strongly in the initial days and weeks. Once I get past this, it recedes within before suddenly surging when I least expect it. Almost like it's lying in wait to ambush me. I hate to anthropomorphize this stuff because I feel like treating it as some kind of devil or demon makes it stronger; makes it easier for us to abdicate personal responsibility when we see it as a separate phenomenon inflicted on us. But that's the imagery in my head as I write this.

    I am close to 120 days now. My goal is 365 days. I am feeling somewhat more hopeful of reaching this goal so fingers crossed. There is a pretty good possibility that I will relapse after the 365 days but maybe not. Maybe the habit will be so strong and my life will be so much fuller that I will no longer need to turn to porn to fill the void within.

    Hope all of you make it as well.
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  11. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    Porn is a quicker release than actual sex. Sex now is shrouded in so much expectation and fear of disappointment and underperformance, it no longer feels like a true release anymore. We worry about feelings, expectations, comparisons, gossip, STDs, pregnancies, schedules, being our true selves while simultaneously trying to conform to how we want to be perceived. Yet we are sexual beings and I guess if we can't find release and connection with a human being, we then go to porn because at least we can find a connection with ourselves. No need to worry about any of the above.
    Of course, we then regret this. Regret changes to disgust, disgust to despair, despair to self-loathing. Eventually we feel like we can only be our true selves with porn as nobody would accept us if they knew about this and therefore keep going back to it, repeating the cycle.

    It's not just porn btw. Sex scenes in shows, movies, boxes with perfectly sculpted partners in perfect sync who never seem to worry about lube, pregnancies or condoms have also infiltrated our mindsets.

    I agree with you about hiding your true personality. I have faced it myself and realized that one of the great benefits of aging is that I no longer care what people think about me and also, having dark thoughts drifting into my mindspace does not make me a bad person. When I have them, I examine my own visceral reactions and realize that I would never actually act on them. That reassures me about who I am.

    I hope you find solace in your counseling. The way the world is today, we all need it.
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  12. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks! I find it a struggle to show my true character, and porn is my No.1 way to avoid feelings or regret and loneliness. Time to try more than abstinence and healthy habits...

    That's an interesting cycle you describe. The more we go off track, the more we feel bad, the less likely we are to attract good people and find real connections. Takes a bit of forward momentum to get out of the rut I guess...

    I like your process of not focusing or trying to avoid negative thoughts in your 2 comments. Sounds like acceptance and commitment therapy? I read through that a few years ago in 'the happiness trap' and it explained a similar thing: unhealthy thoughts are inevitable, but you can let them come and go without identifying with them. In that sense, you 'accept' them as they are, and then choose if they're helpful or not.
     
    MAF7A97 likes this.
  13. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    Yeah. I compare it to inertia or Newton's first law. We have built up this momentum that got us into the rut and now that we have come to rest, it's just so much easier to continue that way.

    I didn't know it had a name but yeah does sound like acceptance therapy. I came up with it as a way to sleep initially. Just let my thoughts drift through my head without engaging in any of them. Then I realized it could also be used for this. Also, it's the age thing. Self-flagellation is easy but delving deep within yourself, confronting all the dark and secret bits that are part of you and accepting that you can choose who you want to be, that's a lot harder. Still working on it.
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  14. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    That's pretty ideal using that process for rest. I've long had trouble getting to sleep, and sometimes playing an annoying story over and over, hoping that will somehow process it and be done, is a recipe for insomnia lol.

    Yes I agree the age plays a part. Looking back at my 20s, I can accept a lot of my mistakes. Now creeping into my 30s, I know I'm the only one who can take those mistakes as lessons and steer the ship a different way, even if that's turning the wheel slowly at first.
     
    Ryan Veitch likes this.
  15. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    Well, here I am at close to 6 months in (15Dec21 will be 6 months). What I can report is the suppressing the actual desire to watch porn has been easy. Not masturbating to old porn images in my head- easy. Avoiding triggers in the news and movies- not easy but not too difficult.
    What I am struggling with is edging- the constant desire to makes up fantasies in my head. Sometimes the urges take me, especially in the morning and it's always a struggle, giving in a bit, pulling back then giving in again only to pull back again. That is exhausting and always leaves me feeling dispirited. I haven't given in and wanked off to the urges yet so I am keeping it at bay but it is difficult. The triggers are everywhere on the internet and while I can resist it successfully when I am fully awake, it's the dark dawn hours when I wake up and read the news and see something salacious that I am most vulnerable. A lack of sleep definitely contributes to poor decision making as well.
    All in all, my journey continues. More difficult but getting there.
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  16. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Sounds like great progress!

    Is it mostly an issue when you read the news? I ask because a lot of the news is triggering our fears and insecurities, as well as click bait 'sex sells stories' especially online. And if you don't need to know the current affairs for work, that may just be a small habit to delete from your morning.

    Personally I avoid checking even for texts and emails until after I've done my whole morning routine and am fully awake. As for news, I might look at that in the evening, if at all. But all depends on what kind of responsibilities we have.

    I know not everyone can get a good sleep reliably. But if this is also in your control (adjusting sleep time, earlier meals, no screen time or caffeine late at night) then you can change another element. I consciously avoid coffee/tea after 5pm and aim for sleep at 10:30pm and that made a real difference.

    My 2c but happy to hear you're well on your way man!
     
  17. Rival1

    Rival1 Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, can anyone tell me why after 25-30 days I feel less motivated to do nofap than in previous days? My willpower and motivation starts to fade (I don't have urges to do PMO btw), I know PMO is bad but I have no more the attitude like "fk the porn, I'll do it no matter what" it's all faded. That's bad lol!
     
  18. Josehp

    Josehp Fapstronaut

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    Look for Jesus Christ brother he is the only one who can help you to get out of this definitively
     
  19. Ryan Veitch

    Ryan Veitch Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, mate. It's more I think these old insecurities related to body image and maybe some past regrets. I remember a line from a book I once read- 'you will always regret the women you didnt have' and this seems to ring quite true for me especially even when I know objectively I am in a better place now. I can't help wishing I had delved further into various relationships or taken more of a risk when I was younger. Maybe I may not have ended up here either, trying to wean myself of this addiction.
     
  20. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    That's interesting, you're aware of your insecurities but also mindful of how you've improved which is great I think.

    Maybe you just need to take a few new risks? Ever seen that show 'first dates'? If there was ever a show that displayed how getting out on a date is not rocket science, it's got to be that one lol. Getting to the date stage is probably more tricky, I don't know if that's on your agenda as well? If so speed dating is very efficient and targets demographics like age and professions well in my experience.

    Alternatively, have you got one or two things you can do to put yourself out of your comfort zone this next year? Personally I want to get back into dance lessons, no expectations but plenty of good vibes and mainly singles too.

    Just putting out ideas... You can regret the past, but you don't have to live in the past as well. Easier said than done I know... But possible.

    I re-read your first post and you asked for any resources, well this guy has really given me fresh perspective and ideas after battling through this for about 5 years and numerous advice sources. You can check out this video if you like. Just explaining a different way we can look at progress especially considering how we treat relapses. Nofap - A relapse does not mean all progress is lost - YouTube
     

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