Escort challenge

Thank you for posting this. This is true of every type of addiction, not just porn or sex.

You get addicted for a reason, and the addiction makes it worse.

That's why I always recommend therapy for people who have an addiction. It's not enough to just stop doing the addiction; you need to resolve the underlying problems.

 

just keep strong for now....you did it again but just next time for sure not to try and do it again...not the end of the world

 

This is the true sign of an addiction. We've all been there, whether it's with this or something else.

You can't solve an addiction by yourself unless you have a massive pain point, and even then nearly everyone fails. That pain point varies from one person to another; I have a relative who lost access to his daughter through an alcohol addiction, and even that wasn't enough to get him to stop. He managed to stop only after he got help.

• You need help. If you have someone in whom you can confide with absolute confidence that they will support you and keep your secret, confide in them. They need to keep it a secret even from their own best friend or spouse or whoever. If you aren't 100% certain of this, don't confide in them.

• Get a therapist or a counsellor, or preferably both. They are obliged by the ethics of their profession and, depending on where you live, by law, to keep your confidentiality. (Check in advance, because in some countries, they might have to report you for seeing a prostitute if that is illegal where you live.)

• Plan in advance what you will do when you go out. It seems likely that you might have an alcohol addiction; if you regularly drink too much, that is a sign of addiction. The plan here would be to drink no alcohol at all. (I stopped drinking alcohol 30 years ago, and I have always thanked myself for this; no regrets.) If your friends don't support you in going clean with alcohol, tell them that you can't go out with them when they drink — if they don't support you, they aren't your friends.

An addiction is always a symptom, not a cause. Alcohol addiction, prostitute addiction, gambling addiction… Whatever it is, its purpose is to drown your emotions. That is unhealthy, prevents you from maturing as you should, and damages your physical and mental health.

The purpose of a counsellor is to be able to speak and get things off your chest. Even if your counsellor doesn't have any advice (but they usually do), just talking to someone who doesn't have an agenda in complete confidence can be liberating.

The purpose of a therapist is to unravel the emotional damage that you have, and replace it with strength, purpose and meaning.

A counsellor and therapist might say that both of those apply to both of them, and they are correct, but their methods differ.

Look up how to set goals. You need goals in life, to give you something to live for. But you very definitely need therapy. All addicts and ex-addicts (including me) need this. In fact, I go so far as to say that everyone needs this, because no one grows up or lives in a perfect environment.

Good luck!

 

Oops! Sorry to hear that.

Or…

Have you tried what I wrote in my previous post? The worst that can happen is a bit of self-discovery, some improvement, a bit of time spent, some pride, and some savings.

Give it a bash. You have nothing to lose.

 

You're worthy, but you don't feel worthy or you don't think of yourself as worthy.

You need to forgive yourself or find forgiveness in God's love.

 

Forgive me if this is forward, but do these nights out involve coke ?

 

You are not ready for recovery. You just listed all the excuses for why you can’t get help. Saa meetings can be done on the phone, a therapist once a month cost less than a hooker or booze yet you find a way to spend money on that. There are cheaper therapist you can do phone ins with on line. If you wanted recovery, none of what you just listed would matter.

 

That sucks, sorry to hear that.

You can find free therapy advice online. Obviously, free is a long way from face-to-face with a professional, but at least it will give you a start.

Search for Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) on YouTube. It's a therapy that you can do by yourself at home. It looks totally weird, but for some people, it does wonders (for some people, unfortunately, it doesn't do much at all). You can try it to see whether or not it helps you.

There are apps available that give you (low quality) therapy for free or very cheap. I don't recommend the more expensive apps, because I've read that they're a waste of money.

I don't know where you live. In the UK and parts of the EU, your GP can prescribe you a counsellor or CBT free of charge. Check out what's available to you in your area.

Get a jar and label it "Therapy". Each week (or each day), put the money that you would have spent on prostitutes, and alcohol and other drugs, into that jar. When you have enough, go see a counsellor or therapist, preferably someone who specialises in addictions or in your specific problem(s).

Look up how to set goals. Follow the process properly, because a half-done job can raise your hopes without you actually getting anywhere.

A Life Coach (someone who has actually qualified as a Life Coach at a Life Coaching academy, not someone who has just adopted the term) is also a great idea. You can sometimes find a trainee Life Coach who is looking for someone to coach at a cut-rate price while they get their first experience. A Life Coach typically coaches you for 12 sessions over 12 weeks, and it can be done effectively over the phone. The Life Coach will help you to set goals and to make your first steps towards achieving them.

I hope that these ideas help.

 

Denial is what addicts do best. There was literally no judgment, I pointed out all the excuses you yourself used while debunking your inability to get help.

 

Sorry, I don't. Some people have reported success with SAA, while others not.

It surprises me to hear that the meetings are recorded; that goes against my understanding of "anonymous".

I guess that you can try to find an online SAA group that will serve your area, and then check it out carefully before joining in. Check from official websites that it's a bona fide group, and read reviews on the group.

If it's done online or over the phone, there is no way to guarantee that it's not being recorded without your knowledge by any of the attendees.

Good luck!

 

I'm taking the side of @sclguy here. The reason why is that people come here to be encouraged and helped. Aggressive answers chase them away — not just sclguy but also other people, a little afraid to post, who might read the aggressive posts.

Whether you are right or wrong in your assessment, @Psalm27:1my light (which you cannot know because you don't know sclguy's personal circumstances or even country of residence), is beside the point. You're not helping sclguy recover; you're chasing him away. There's a time and place for direct statements of this nature, and this isn't it.

 

Unfortunately addicts are in so much denial that any truth angers them. How is pointing out his excuses aggressive? Are you kidding me? He can afford hookers and alcohol but not a therapist? That’s denial about recovery. He can’t get to saa meetings? That’s denial about accessibility as they have them on line. Saa meetings are anonymous but he’s afraid someone will record them? He has enough cheerleaders helping keep him in his addiction. Everything he mentioned was pure denial from an addict. Denial is far,far more than just admitting you have a problem. It’s looking at all the ways you lie to yourself that keeps you in addiction.

 

@Psalm27:1my light — Whether that's true or not, it's your aggressive sanctimonious attitude that puts people off.

The problem with addicts is that they have all been victims of some type of abuse, almost always in childhood, often also as adults. Criticism, which is one type of abuse, just drives addicts further into the addiction, because it's a repeat of what caused them to get there in the first place. (This was certainly true of me.) It's easy to see this in action, for example, when trying to help a nicotine addict or food addict by shaming them — it achieves the opposite effect of the desired result.

So, try some encouragement and support instead of abuse. You'll find that it succeeds far more often than your shaming approach.

 

How did I shame him? Seriously, the most aggressive thing I said was he is not ready for recovery. If he were, he would do whatever it takes.

 

If only that were true. Read your original comment again.

You are coming across as a coward, because you are being bullying, and instead of having the courage to man up to your mistake, you're weakly justifying your behaviour by misrepresenting what you actually said.

When I make a mistake, I own up to it and apologise. It's extremely freeing to do so, as well as improving others' lives, which is a virtue at three different levels. You might take this as a suggestion, using Psalm 27 as an inspiration: "Teach me your way, Lord."

 

Ok, when I said he wasn’t ready for recovery I was not intending that as criticism or condemnation, much like you telling your son he isn’t ready to lift a heavier weight. Would that be considered unkind truth? I really meant it as more like sad resignation of yet another addict who isn’t quite “ there” yet. Seriously, do you guys even see how upset you got over that statement? You called me a bully and a coward and angry when I was none of those things. I’ve worked with hookers and johns and literally had to leave that job because of sheer depressive nature.every hooker I worked with had some sort of std at one time or another and you can bet they passed it on. If he had been married and hiding it, I would’ve been angry. But he’s single, my response is far less visceral to single people because the only ones they are hurting is mainly themselves. He went through every excuse of why he can’t get help. I was SAD for him! You are the ones who are unkind, rather than holding people accountable you continue to coddle them. When do addicts really get into recovery ? When the addiction hurts more than recovery. I absolutely hate that truth.

 

Unfortunately, for most people, this is true — not just for addiction! It can relate to any sort of lifestyle change.

There is a deep instinct in all animals to be fearful of change. The "logic" is that, whatever you've been doing, you're still alive, so you must keep doing it! Changing could mean your death!

It's a primitive logic inherited from our most primitive times, and so one of our tasks is to learn to embrace change. Not change for change's sake, but change in general, and especially change when things aren't working.

To paraphrase an old saw, the only absolutes in this world are death, taxes and change.

For an addict to learn to change, they need love, as @need4realchg beautifully said. I tried to get my mother to stop smoking, since I was just a small kid, through all the standard methods: fear, logic, science, argument, … Alas, she ended dying from smoking. All my attempts were useless, because I used the wrong methods. It was a tough lesson to learn.