Need to "Stop Seeking Triggers" (not just try to "stop PMO")

I'm still struggling after more than 3 years trying to quit PMO. I still tend to relapse every few days. Occasionally I hold out for one week, but occasionally I also relapse after only one day...a thought I had a few days ago is:

My new motto I hope will work better than "stop PMO" is "STOP SEEKING TRIGGERS" that lead to PMO.

Although I have porn blockers on all devices which does help a lot, I realized that I am still constantly, almost unconsciously, searching for images or videos of sexy women, perhaps hoping the porn blockers will miss something, or looking for things like swimsuit photos or yoga videos. My mind seems to rationalize these are not "porn", so is ok to search for them because it isn't "PMO". Even when I do realize these are P-subs (porn substitutes), I believe I am fooling myself into thinking that JUST SEARCHING is ok. My mind thinks if I find one I will somehow just glance at it for a moment and it won't be harmful. But in reality these are strong triggers that lead into PMO. Once a sexy image gets in my head, it will run in an infinite loop and torture me, literally starting first thought when I wake up in the morning. And then the only thing that will break that mental loop (temporarily) is PMO. I have porn blockers on all my devices, but once a trigger is planted I always find some way around them, or manage to find a few images they fail to block. Then relapse to PMO.

So the main thing is, I need to STOP SEEKING TRIGGERS!

 

Thanks for communicating that your experiences and insights are similar to mine. Regarding P blockers, I have tried to be aggressive, but it is difficult because my family members use the computers too, and the blockers never work 100%, and there can be ways found to bypass them in a moment of weakness. However I have:

- Iphone app store and web browser turned off via "screen time" restrictions mode, with family member holding the code. (Yeah, I simply cannot be trusted to have any web access at all on my phone....but since I became an adult before smart phones existed, in fact it isn't really a big deal. In fact it probably makes my life better even aside from the PMO problem...). Also: Google maps and Google drive - did you know you can do web searches via those apps, and many other apps too - I had to remove both!

- "Circle with Disney" parental controls in Netgear router on home network, set to filter "adult sites", photo posting sites, most social media (facebook, instagram, twitter, reddit, blogspot,..), google and youtube need forced safe-search mode, and a list of specific blocked sites that have proven problems (such as adult sites I discovered the blocker misses).

- "Cold turkey" blocker installed on Win10 browser and chrome, which can block searches for a list of keywords I put in, and has the feature that new problem websites can be added to block list by clicking (without needing to know the password for the blocker). Limitation: I use the free version which can be bypassed easier than the paid version.

- I have also used "Net nanny" on Win10, which also has the nice feature that it can block sites and searches based on keywords from a cloud-stored list applied to multiple computers.

Loopholes to watch out for: wifi hotspot on phone can bypass router blockers (and there is no way to block hotspot on iphone...); VPN or encrypted browsers can bypass blockers (so I try to block those too...); I have even failed by booting a portable OS off a USB drive to bypass installed blockers.... Sadly the PMO addled mind can make one go crazy/desperate. Sometimes I wonder if there really is "free will"...

All of this is quite useful to inhibit me enough to hold off PMO for at least several days at a time. However, even doing all this, typically after a few days have passed, I am still able to find problem material or bypass restrictions. Like sometimes I will turn off youtube safe search on the TV when a family member wants to see a video it blocked, then forget to turn it back down, and then later exploit that to watch something I shouldn't. Eventually I believe that blockers must only be a temporary solution. A true "cure" must involve developing enough self control to not PMO even if there are no blockers. But I do believe blockers are still useful as an intermediate step in making progress toward that goal.

 

This is a very good point, and I have had problem with this. Lying in bed my mind sometimes either starts to picture P images/videos seen in the last few months, or starts to conjure fantasy situations with real life people I encountered as long as 30 years ago, even people I barely knew and can't even really picture anymore. It is a sickness!

 

I have thought about trying to do what you are suggesting, making such a rule, but in practice I am too weak to stick to it. Once I start looking at P or even P-sub I turn into a "zombie" without self control and almost always end up PMO.

 

Congrats on your progress, hope you still are holding up ok!

 

this is a very interesting insight. Am I sabotaging myself on purpose. If so, in my case it must be subconsciously or I am fooling myself. I need to keep in mind what you said! There are times I feel like I have just totally lost my mind, snapped. An image or idea about how to bypass P-blocker or idea how to see a P-sub pops into my mind and then suddenly I go into a zombie state where I stand up like I am in a trance, seemingly with no free will (like an "out of body" experience, march over to the device/screen and methodically access the dangerous material that I have sworn I will not do, and straight away PMO. It is kind of scary how much it feels like total loss control even though most of the time I hope my intentions are good. Sometimes I just lose it, and a few minutes of lost control is all it takes to relapse.