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Ballbusting

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by Deleted Account, Dec 17, 2021.

  1. Hey guys,

    So at this point I'm pretty easily able to do the whole 90 day challenge thing, or even way longer. I won't say I've quit PMO forever, but if I earnestly decide to I can quit for a long time. My longest streak was several years.

    One thing though that has lingered on and does not match any of my preferences for like, an ideal long term relationship, or the rest of my sexual persona is...

    Ballbusting fetish. I can actually trace this back to some childhood experiences with hot girls when I was in middle school. It wasn't until my 20s though that I learned this is an actual fetish and there is porn available to cater to this fetish. That was long before I started trying NoFap... so it was definitely a type of porn I watched, though not the only kind.

    I feel like there are two parts to me that don't communicate much with one another. There are girls I'll meet that I actually want to be with in a romantic relationship, which in my case means a pretty traditional relationship where I am the "dominant" one and we have "normal" sex and stuff like that.

    But anyway, there are various situations, I'm trying to understand exactly what they are... various situations where I will still seek out ballbusting porn. I haven't been able to escape that fetish creeping back into my life in one way or another.

    Does anyone else share this one? Any advice? It's a really humiliating fetish to have. I bet so few people in the world can possibly understand it.
     
  2. You're not alone. There wouldn't be a ton of ball-busting videos out there if there weren't a lot of guys with the same fetish.

    I remember many years ago when I found a forum for people with a cuckold fetish and saw that there were over 50,000 members!! It made me feel so much better knowing that so many other guys had the same fetish. :)

    In reality, there's way more than 50,000 with that fetish. None of these fetishes are as uncommon as you might think.

    What happened in middle school with those hot girls? It's a good place to start. I know for a fact that my panty fetish was triggered by an event that happened in middle school.
    Hopefully not to triggering, though this literals altered the course of my life.
    I was waiting to get picked up after school one day and saw a guy "pants" a girl in my grade ("pants" = pulling someones pants down unexpectedly, all for a good laugh". Seeing her there, momentarily, in her pretty little panties filled me with so much excitement, arousal and mixed feelings - it was as if I had no idea that this somewhat pretty girl had such delights hiding beneath her sweatpants! And I had further mixed feelings, seeing how this was totally inappropriate behaviour on the guy's part, what would now be called sexual harassment if not an assault, and would also be seen as a "mean" thing to do . . . and yet she just pulled her pants up with great embarrassment . . . and continued to hang out with this guy and his friends. It was my first taste of being a "nice guy" and seeing the sexy girl choosing to be with the "bad boy".
     
    yngmoney, T2Q, lord_nelson and 2 others like this.
  3. Aw dang I like ball busting as well sometimes I fantasize about a woman tying me to a wall and hitting my balls with a ruler until I kiss her boots and then worship her bare feet. Why am I so submissive? I hate it! I want a normal relationship with normal sex but I also want to be hit in the balls with thin rods and rulers by a woman If I am being honest I'd also let her pour candle wax on me and tickle my penis too. Why am I like this?
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  4. I never really got into ball busting and yet . . . my last relapse with P was ball busting:
    I found one image that I just couldn't get rid of, it was of a domme slapping a guys balls right after he had ejaculated. For some reason, that image just really did it for me and it was the last porn image (it was a GIF) that I have viewed some 326 days ago
    and, worse still:
    I slapped myself on the nuts while I watched it, about a dozen times, achieving orgasm simply by repeatedly slapping my scrotum!

    That really scared me. I had never done that before and saw how I could very easily go down the road to repeated real life ball busting experiences - and probably permanent testicular damage as well! :eek:
     
  5. I can't help it man, I am a total submissive to women and I am trying to change that.
     
  6. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I have similar problems. Being humiliated by girls, physically bullied, and paying them money. I'm pretty sure it started from mild versions happening in school for me.

    One blonde girl who I knew since we were both kids would often tease me, and when we went to the same high school would approach me at lunch time just to tease me and ask for money then leave. Other girls would on rare occasions tease me or throw things at me.

    I joined a 'female lead relationships' BDSM community once. Just going to bars and chatting with couples and other singles. It was fun, most people were cool, some were downright weird I won't lie. But what surprised me was how most guys were physically and mentally masculine.

    Most were fit if not built, had their lives together, and were not push overs by any means. Confused me at the time. But I think it may be possible to integrate a certain level of kink into a relationship without relationship or self esteem issues.

    I think the key may be moderation. You don't want to be a submissive to your girl all the time, because the respect will probably dissipate. And you don't want the sex acts to be too physical, because that's just unhealthy.

    I think I would enjoy a relationship where teasing and light domination could go both ways. So long as it comes from a place of respect, care, and safety!

    But take what I say with a grain of salt. Because I haven't had a relationship post porn use yet. And I would really like to just start from vanilla and go from there when I'm back in the bedroom for real.
     
    Dioplleo_547 and +TenPercent like this.
  7. Wow, I'm surprised to come home from a long day and see so many replies to this. Thank you guys for helping me not feel alone.

    Have any of you found ways to talk yourself out of it? Or identified situations that trigger it that are unhealthy for other reasons and worth avoiding? That's what I'm trying to understand about myself so maybe I can get past this. It didn't really start with porn though as I mentioned.

    I have thought before about what someone said here, just sort of not regarding it as too weird and maybe finding a girl who is open to it. But interestingly enough, all of the girls I maybe start to be able to pursue at the heights of my success with NoFap, all of the girls I'm attracted to on a day to day basis, are types I literally wouldn't even want to ask to do this. Not so much that I would be afraid to, but they're sweet, kind, feminine girls who I just really couldn't imagine doing that to me or me wanting it from them.

    The issue didn't start with porn, but it has become a sort of fantasy land separate from the rest of my sexual persona, the same way for some of you guys you end up watching a kind of porn you would have no interest in experiencing in real life.

    Anyway again... good to know there are others of you out there. Thanks. Feel free to continue the discussion.
     
    +TenPercent and Reborn16 like this.
  8. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    Personally I found when I'm in a better mindset, the desire to be dominated by women is not as strong. However, I also find that when I'm in a better mindset, women are more likely to want to shit test me and tease me.

    Another thing I learnt from too much time in the BDSM world, women don't enjoy dominating men without energy and purpose. A guy who gives up too easy, or worse begs for it, is not a challenge and therefore not exciting.

    Again I hope I'm not steering you in the wrong direction. But I think this is one of those nuance topics that everyone will have their own experience that works out. Please see below:


    It sounds quite complex, but it may be something that you understand better after experimenting more in relationships.

    Everyone is a little different here. I still find extreme 'femdom fantasy' stuff arousing. And although most of it I don't want to try at all, the underlying emotional power play I still find appealing.

    Something as simple as a woman teasing when she wins a game against a guy, can be a very light form of power play that gets both people excited. It can be fun, but not extreme, and still have a similar flavour - if that makes sense?

    One more thing, somewhere on my BDSM research, I read a lot of accounts from women who are feminine by day but dominant by night. You know the stereotype of the powerful guy who likes being dominated by the mistress? Well, often the feminine petite and caring woman who helps everyone at work and makes sure everyone is okay, likes to tell someone else what to do in the bedroom.

    They might want you to make all the decisions on dates, be the masculine man, hold open the door etc. But only in the bedroom, she wants to turn the tables.

    It's not a guarantee. But a lot of feminine and kind women have that side to them I've found. It can sometimes be revealed early on in how they like to flirt!
     
    +TenPercent likes this.
  9. I am appreciating this thread more than I expected!
    I really appreciate the perspective, particularly from @Reborn16

    I have also dabbled in the BDSM community . . . in three different cities over the years, and had similar experiences - some weird people, some twisted and sick people but a lot of fairly normal people and even some who seemed to be really truly healthy and at peace with themselves. They have taught me that it really is possible to be kinky and have a balanced, healthy and happy life.

    That said . . . there were very few women that I found attractive and even fewer that would have been both compatible and available.

    As for getting into a vanilla relationship and then slowly introducing kink into it . . . you might get lucky, some people have followed this path successfully, but it could also be a deal breaker. I have found it really hard to be in a vanilla relationship and then to "let the cat out of the bag". Once it's out, there's no taking it back and the consequences are very unpredictable. Perhaps your partner will feel betrayed, perhaps they will run away screaming, perhaps they will be into it, but the reality might take on a life of its own, very different from the fantasies or . . . perhaps you get just what you want, only to realise that it's not actually what you want . . . like, who knows, maybe actually getting kicked in the balls by your girlfriend just hurts a lot and feels like abuse.

    I think there can be a lot of healing in accepting your fetishes and fantasies, as well as in exploring them. But, especially, if we also feel bad about these desires, then maybe it's good to explore not doing them, to explore letting these desires go, to try to figure out where it came from and to try to figure out if it really is what we want in life.
     
    Longtime27, T2Q and Reborn16 like this.
  10. @Reborn16 and @+TenPercent, thank you especially for your posts.

    Reborn16, I think you are absolutely right that there is a correlation with less extreme things... like a girl teasing you, prodding your ego a bit or something. Even in the initial stages of flirting, almost all women do a little bit of this, testing you to make sure you're a strong man who is going to be able to meet certain core needs of hers. It can also probably be a bit fun for her to remind you that you're not 100% in charge, there are ways she can take the upper hand even if she doesn't want to keep it.

    I think some of the women who have turned me on the most have been those cute and mostly submissive types that surprise me with an occasional walk on the other side. That's perfectly fine and healthy.

    Maybe it's when I'm down in some other way, that I get addicted to that other side and just like with a drug... you sort of want more and more and then you get from being verbally teased to being kicked square in the balls as the thing that provides the level of needed stimulation. That starts to get unhealthy.

    So maybe the main thing here is that you want to make sure that you yourself are centered and comfortable, and you're not seeking ballbusting or whatever other fetish out of an unhealthy need that isn't the true you.

    As for what TenPercent said, I've had this whole variety of experiences too. I think maybe the best few times have been (and unfortunately I didn't get very far into these relationships) girls who sort of picked up on my enjoyment of them turning the tables once in awhile, without me saying anything. Sometimes they're still afraid to go for the balls, but they do the other things we were talking about.
     
    Reborn16 and +TenPercent like this.
  11. Another thing I thought of is that we tend to be the most attracted to people who know us really well but are clearly on our side. That's really what a good relationship is, knowing each other's vulnerabilities but tending to them with care. The balls are sort of the physical core of who we are as men... so when a girl touches you there, aims there, etc... it's kind of like she's saying... I'm all the way in, interacting with your masculinity.
     
    Reborn16 and +TenPercent like this.
  12. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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    All submissive fetishes are caused by one thing and one thing only: low and/or unhealthy self-esteem.
     
    VikingThor likes this.
  13. Reborn16

    Reborn16 Fapstronaut

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    @+TenPercent I had such similar experiences with the BDSM scene... Out of a group of ~50 people, I could not find a single woman that was single and attractive to me.

    And I also found similar challenges with finding that element in regular dating. Lately however, I've been inspired to test the waters a bit earlier. During a recent lecture I was at, one woman made a topical joke about punishment and only gave me the eye contact when laughing despite the group setting.

    I guess we could incorporate a bit of this stuff when getting to know women, before dates and on early dates, to see how they sit with it, if it's even on their radar, and which side they're on lol!

    @Phallosopher It does seem to be a care and connection that seems better for me too. You can have an extreme kink with someone who doesn't really care, and it's regrettable. But a milder act with someone following your emotions and underlying values can be amazing, especially if they like you and basically do it for your enjoyment.

    @Beekind I think a lot of submissive fetishes come from that place, a lot of them go too far without a doubt and attract people who are really just going through a bad time in life and putting their energy into this instead of healing.

    But I think there's also power in submission. You're giving the dominant partner permission to do certain things you've both agreed to. And you're the main focus ironically. They also have a duty to make sure you're okay when it's done (aftercare).

    Don't get me wrong. A lot of kink isn't practiced like this. And porn can just show the acts without any of the care or communication. But I don't think submissive men or women have low confidence or self esteem by default.
     
    +TenPercent and Beekind like this.
  14. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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    I get you. It is about power and responsibility.
    If you dig deep, you will find that people who are responsible are more dominant, and people who are submissive are less responsible or shirk responsibility.
    It is of course more complex than that.
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  15. For me, it's kind of the other way around: I have a hell lot of responsibilities due to university, I really have a shit ton of studying to do.

    But nevertheless my sexual fantasies are rather submissive in the likes of foot worship and feminization. It just allows me, for a short period of time, to forget about my stressful life
     
    Reborn16 likes this.
  16. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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    That is why it is a dangerous game.
    You are playing it as an outlet for anxiety.
    What will happen when anxiety goes up?
    Answer: Escalation.
    What happens when you want to quit?
    Answer: Your brain will give you hell.
    What happens when it lowers your self-esteem to the lowest low?
    Answer: You have to wake up before it is too late.
     
    Down in the Deep likes this.
  17. One potentially dangerous thing I've noticed is mixing other sexual interests with something like ballbusting. For example, I especially watched the videos with women wearing thong underwear while performing ballbusting. I have already independently been turned on by thong underwear long before I knew anything about having the ballbusting fetish / seeing that kind of porn.
     
  18. Anyway guys, I'm definitely struggling tonight with urges.
     
    T2Q and Beekind like this.
  19. Beekind

    Beekind Fapstronaut

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    Go and run or have a cold shower.
     
    T2Q likes this.
  20. I wish I had done that. I did not relapse. No M or O. But I started looking up videos, mostly not watching them. Maybe watching 10-30 seconds of them and then saying no. I need to try harder.
     
    Beekind likes this.

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