[30-CHALLENGE] THE THIRTY DAYS CHALLENGE !

Day 6 complete.

No phishing for cuties. Went for quick dip in the icy lake. Every thing is great

 

Day 1

 

Day 1/30

 

8/30

Edit: Urges. Some voice inside my head is trying to tell me that it's time to just have a little sneak peek. I know where that will take me. That "little" sneak peek will give me a shit storm of urges that will destroy my streak completely and I will make me binge for hours, it will corrupt my sleep and I will continue to binge the next day. And the day after that. Also, I will have a very hard time to get back on track because the reason why I have come this far this time is because I believe in me. That belief will be completely lost, which ultimately will take me back to a period of short streaks and a lot of relapses. That's exactly what I was trying to escape from, I didn't want to live like that.

That being said, having a little sneak peek is not going to happen. That's for sure!

 

2/30

 

Day 0

 

Day 7/30, 1 week milestone. Got to remind myself to stay on track and don’t be too joyful about this small milestone, as I might slip back to old pattern.

small goal: go beyond 9days

 

Day 14/30

 

Day 0

 

I believe in you. And I will also pray for you.

 

Day 7 complete.

I had a massive urge to go phishing for some lady images. I was determined not to do it, I asked my friend to pray for me and I survived. The night before this I slept less and also had a sexual dream.

But this night I had a little more sleep and no dreams I can remember.

 

Day 2

 

9/30.

It’s important to remember the cycle of addiction and to realise, no matter where you are in your journey, that if you are an addict you are at least on some spot in the picture. My current spot is frustration.

 

3/30

 

Day 8/30

small goal: go beyond 9days

 

0 of 30

 

Today I rethought a very important day in my life: The day when I slipped after having abstained porn for almost three years. I was harmlessly listening on a techno mix on youtube when the autoplay feature was enabled. When the mix ended, another got playing and suddenly I had this sexy anime chick in front of my eyes. First, I closed the tab but then I couldn't resist to have another look: What if the same user had more nice anime chicks as pictures to his mixes? And I started looking. Indeed there was more... and the compulsive behaviour just escalated and got me down the rabbit hole for almost a year.

During this period, I tried to stop again and again but would fall back every one to three weeks. In June I had quite a descent streak that had lasted for about 40 days. Then one day, I was at a water land and a good looking girl gave me a full body scan. I couldn't stop thinking about it and the urges grew stronger and stronger until I couldn't resist the temptation of giving in.

These events are very important to remember. Something as harmless as a (dressed) anime girl can get you in the wrong direction if you give in to the temptation of clicking just once on the wrong button. If that click is part of a compulsive behaviour, you must not click it, no matter how harmless it may seem. Go one step in the wrong direction and you are at an even darker place at the same time you are a bit weaker than usual. And the same goes for thoughts: If you start pursuing the wrong thoughts, it will make you weaker and weaker at the same time the dark force is getting stronger and stronger. If the thoughts are of compulsive nature, stop thinking them as fast as you can.

 

Day 1

 

Day 15/30

 

Day 9

small goal: go beyond 15days