The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Relapsed. Was on Youtube and one thing led to another.

No-Peeking streaks was 9 days
No PMO streak was 30+ days, so definitely seeing improvement here.

Day 0 - Nazgul, The Dark Tower Barad-Dûr

 

Day 1 Orc

 

9 days
This time I'll make it to the 90

 

I stopped fighting like a fool, but I’m finally getting it back together.
Day 0, time to be the man I need to be

 

@Christoph108 - I don’t feel like an expert at all and I have a long way to go but here are my thoughts since you asked.

Take a look back and you will see that I am here almost every single morning at around 5am. I read and “like” every post that has been made since yesterday and I finish with a post of my own. Reading every post for 300 days has made me realize that I am not alone in my struggle and that we are all basically feeling the same way. We get down, depressed, sad, frustrated, overwhelmed, anxious, mad, bored or whatever and we use porn as a distraction to take our mind off of whatever our actual problem is. Then a few minutes later (after the climax) we feel worse than we did before the porn because now we can add shame to the list of our feelings. When I start to consider using porn because I am not feeling happy or content I try to remember that it actually won’t solve my problem (for long) and that it will actually make me feel worse in just a short time.

Also I have a “big why”. A “big why” is your big reason for staying motivated to stay off porn. For me it is my family. I want to be the husband and father they deserve. Right before this streak started I skipped my daughter’s softball to stay home and PMO. The shame I felt that day was overwhelming and I think that has gone a long way to keep me focused. When I think about PMO I try to remember that feeling.

I’m no expert but that’s my two cents. Good luck out there everyone.

 

Day 302 no PMO. Good day overall. I realized yesterday that I have replaced PMO with other habits to distract myself from my lack of contentment in my life. While not nearly as bad for me as PMO I still feel I need to find a way to be content with myself and only need to feel love from myself and from God.

 

That is indeed a "big why", thanks for sharing, it was a nice read.

This night i had a crazy vivid dream, felt like i was really in it. I was taking care of a retired prostitute, i don't know why but she was at my home, then when she goes to sleep she claims needing some medicine for pain and i took a shot of morphine i had in my wardrobe and applied to her. Her heart rate started going off and then she died, right when her heart stopped i woke up.

 

Thanks for that amazing advice! By sheer luck (and boredom) I am also checking some threads morning and evening, was thinking to give up on that or reduce but now will certainly stay with it for a longer time, not sure how I did not connect those dots and treat it as means to enhance/maintain motivation.

 

600 days semen retention

 

Day 2 - Orc

Never posted yesterday or the day before. Was really busy. I PMO'd the same night that I MO'd in the morning. It was potentially related to the MO (chaser effect), but I also had a traumatic experience earlier in the day when a guy recorded me in a Target saying I was afraid of COVID but not social distancing. (I was wearing a mask and we were in a crowded store). It was really offensive because the man made all these assumptions about me and when I got home, my blood was boiling and I relapsed. It was to relax from my fury, and then the next day, I stewed all day, until I realized that I handled the situation perfectly. I could have said all kinds of nasty things to him, but if I was recorded doing that and it got out, it could look bad on my employer (I work for a public university), so my standing there not saying anything was the right thing to do. In fact, if the general public saw the video, I am sure they would think him the asshole, but at the time, all I could think about was my rage at him. I have for the most part forgiven him and released him from my anger, and I feel a lot better. I just realized if I stayed angry, I would relapse again and again.

So I am 6 days away from Urak-Hai and I know I can make it to that and then to Hobbit again. The trick is getting past the week and then two week marks. However, I know I can do it if I focus on my recovery.

One thing that happened on Friday was that I started to search nudes, and I found quite a few, but in that moment, I looked at these women's faces (versus their nude forms), and I saw them for their humanity, and I could not masturbate. In fact, as I looked at their eyes and say their humanity, personhood, and the fact that they have their own lives and loves, my erection went away. Pornography and PMO is very dehumanizing. In fact, I find it impossible to PMO when I see the object of my lust as not an object at all, but as a living, breathing human being. Unfortunately, the next night in my anger, I did not see their humanity. So, now if I see a nude photo, or I start to think lustful thoughts, I need to remind myself of their humanity and though it may not completely solve my problems (some willpower may need to be involved), the willpower will only be needed to get to the point of reminding myself of their humanity, and then I can move on.

Anyway, I hope you all have a blessed day.
best,
Mathman1994

 

Day 3

 

Day 1
Nazgul -> Orc

Good tueday to the people

 

Day 11!
Other day, other challenge, today I want to do a lot of things, so I want to be focused in my job. Have a nice one everybody!

Keeping strongh and always thinking: Think in sex just while having sex

 

Day 0 Nazgûl

 

Checking in day 38. Fasting, prayer, staying late and a lot of walking.

 

Day 138

 

Checking in. Not feeling very positive or optimistic right now but at least it's Christmas soon

1. Stay accountable. Done
2. Physical exercise. Done
3. Qigong or meditation. Not done
4. Eating in moderation. Not done
5. Study about the reboot. Done
6. Get 8 hours of sleep. Not done

 

Day 0

Reset today. Back on it.

 

Day 11! Blessings fall from the sky, I shall prove worthy of them.