I feel hopeless (Not hopeless anymore, i success)

I agree, that is what we looking for, if we success in that then we can go more forward.

 

Improvement.

Trigger warning.

I did MO to vanilla porn yesterday and today once, i was able to get full erection without touching. I was able to O in less than 5 minutes with pleasure, i can't believe it. The thing i never believed i was able(until i really started to believe and push with iron will) has become true. But my fetish's still overpowering arousing and attraction to vanilla, anyway i didn't have ONE SINGLE thought about my fetish's, i ignore them at all cost, fantasies about fetish's i replaced with vanilla. Kinky sex i replaced with regular vanilla sex.

You must think that you have your worth, if you think you are not good enough or you don't deserve anything that makes things more difficult. If you feel like shit, everyone you hate wins.

You must believe, power of mind is something amazing, i read somewhere that average people use only 10% of brain potential.

 

I think so, but in my opinion there are few more factors that could have connection.
-Brain power and law of attraction
-Automatic habit making (average man\woman needs 66 days to form habit)
-Orgasm reconditioning
-How you think, that's what you get, your life is as your thoughts are.
-If you can poison yourself with femdom,sissy etc... then you can poison yourself with vanilla.

 

Did PMO again on vanilla, even had an arousal now and full erection without touching, i think it's clean all of us can change and direct our sexual preferences.
For me three months ago this was mission impossible, but when you set your mindset right and believe you can really make a miracle come true.

 

I agree with you mate, but i m not total ready yet.

 

I haven't updated for almost 2 weeks, not much changes.

TRIGGER WARNING

I have no doubt that i m aroused and have erections for regular sex. But here is something that i expected since i started doing this, my regular fantasies is still fetish things, when i say regular i mean it's first thing that comes in my mind when i m horny. But i always change thoughts on breasts or ass.
It's harder for me to get arousal if i just look some picture of girl even naked, but watching pic+vanilla fantasies not a big problem, with porn almost no problem at all.

But now i need somehow to have natural and spontaneous erections and fantasies to vanilla, you know what i mean.

I had wet dream about fetish thing it's a bit of setback i guess.

Anyway i always though about this as mission impossible and i somehow did it... Pushing forward

 

TRIGGER WARNING
Last week i have a bit of problem for getting erections, not just getting erection to vanilla, overall i mean.( i m able to get 100% erection but need more time that before)
It's harder to get erection sometimes even with vanilla porn, i had few accidental mistakes (not with purpose) at job i got triggered for fetish thing once and while i was on internet few times, all that happen in last week i got aroused a bit but not get erection, which is great after 3+ month not reacting and thinking about fetish.
I may be in flatline i don't now, if some of you know please tell me.

 

As i expected, something currently. Thanks mate.

 

Thank you mate, last several years of my life i have spend worried about this, in last two years this start to give me depression and real feel of hopelessness i even though about suicide few times during that time ( just though about it as one way to escape but never wanted to commit suicide, but i have no doubt in that i would done it if i stayed like this for rest of my life). It not just hit me with depression and despair, it have made me lose my self esteem and self respect i have also done some terrible things about those fetish's in past...
I sabotaged myself alone with my internal dialog and affirmations because i always has doubt in myself and instead of helping myself i sabotaged myself instead and that makes things far more worse. During this year in September i really reached my limit in tolerating this, it was more than i can take, so i just realize conclusion this leads nowhere and i never every part of me to try as hard as possible to make even a slim change.

 

Trigger warning

In last 5 or 6 days i have extereme problem to avoid my fetish's, since i triggered myself (mistake without purpose). In past there was one girl, i was practicing my fetish with her, we have doing it 5 times in total, that happened this summer. I don't want to PMO to fetish porn or MO to fetish porn, for me that time is over i just denied to do that, real problem is i have flashback about that girl and things we have done. I just can't get it out of my head for now. About the girl i m not meeting anymore with this girl.
And there is a problem, body remember the feeling and don't want to forget it.
This makes me less interested in vanilla because my fetish's still overpower vanilla by far i can say. But i m still aroused to vanilla and have solid erections, it does not damage arousal but it does damage my free choice of vanilla.

I was able to overcome this in first four months of doing this, i will find a way to do it again.

Edit: I did PMO to vanilla just moment ago, everything works fine, full erection and arousal.

 

Thank you for opening yourself about your problem mate, you are brave.
This sounds to me like it's pre porn induced fetish (same as me) correct me if i m wrong.

If you really want to change it is possible, just take action. Look this:

If you continue doing this fetish things that will lead you nowhere, only to dark places as you said by yourself.

You can try this, but pleasure from vanilla you maybe won't even feel (at begging only) later you will get aroused and even gain erections, just be persistent. One more thing, doing PMO to this fetish and similar things is SELFISH for you. Doing PMO on vanilla is not selfish for you. Same goes for me and people with similar problems.