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relapsed. 167 days.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Always Keep Going, Dec 28, 2021.

  1. Always Keep Going

    Always Keep Going Fapstronaut

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    A few distinguished messages / verses circling in my mind right now.


    I am not as muddled as I thought I would be.. though a bit sourly disappointed because I really thought I had it down this time.

    As dark as these times are, this recent failure has led me to believe there really is
    some benefit to keeping your word and not crossing those promises built over time.

    The reason for my relapse is that I got into some shit I wasn't supposed to, and that
    contributed to a more dismissive and carefree attitude towards the addiction which had crippled me all throughout my teenage years.

    I slipped, fell of the horse, and bungled for a bit after. The benefits do exist (I can say that with absolute certitude) - it is also an experience itself to be free of the manacles of doubt and habit.. such soothes the soul of an already worthy amount of life's pangs.

    Don't be like me and forget your reason, even if the world seems to be tumbling down upon you... even at times when your sense of self is blanded or even countermanded by an experience that gets under your skin. You will, nor should, never be something else than what you are; questioning the collection of traits that defines you and their flexibility may not be a healthy option for those with tendencies to think much about themselves.

    Instead, define a goal and make attempts to reach them. Don't think too much about them, whether they are narrow-minded or even feasable, whether your mood may influence how you beset them... instead approach life with rational poise and get what you need to get done. If you mess up along the way, get back up. This is a journey, after all. But don't be remiss as to think what you've learnt from the past is filmy or worthless! All those experiences matter- make mistakes to learn, but don't get stuck on the same problem.

    That's all that needs to be said, from me at least. I hope you all reach assurance along the way. In my reboot I've learned a great deal of things- most primarily that life is large, and should not be debased to solving a single problem nor thinking that a single bad habit should justify misery. Get over it, go outside and search for your reason. If it ever creeps up on you- like it did to me - dont grow downcast and resentful... just accept it and keep going. Good luck.
     
    Last edited: Dec 29, 2021
    DeeJ4y likes this.
  2. Allthecoolnamesaretaken

    Allthecoolnamesaretaken New Fapstronaut

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    This resonates with me. Thanks for the inspiration. Good luck moving forward
     
  3. Quezatolah

    Quezatolah Fapstronaut

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    What was it you did that you weren't supposed to?
     
  4. Allthecoolnamesaretaken

    Allthecoolnamesaretaken New Fapstronaut

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    Nothing yet. It's a good reminder to keep going even through uncertainty and doubt. I can't forget why I'm doing this.
     
  5. Allthecoolnamesaretaken

    Allthecoolnamesaretaken New Fapstronaut

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    Oh I'm sorry I thought you were taking to me. Didn't notice that you quoted OP.
     
  6. Good advice...it's the only way!
    A very stoic approach and the basis for recovery....ACCEPTANCE!!!!!!!!
    We can control our mind but we cannot control 99% of external circumstances, such is life.
     
  7. Always Keep Going

    Always Keep Going Fapstronaut

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    became a classic consumerist for a while, I had wilfully accepted to watch shows with a friend that featured prurient content, not thinking it would be big of a deal considering my long streak and developed maturity. Among other things, I just let my guard down. It was crass and within the fleet of the moment, I should have thought things out better. The relapse happened at night following a previous wet dream (meaning my hormones were already raving crazy); instead of setting measures in place to preempt for it, I instead went about the day thinking bad thoughts and slept in a separate bedroom unprepared. A lot of stimuli was already in place since I returned home from the mundane return trip from another friend's house... those movies and even comedy scenes... although it may have been viewed as some light-hearted badinage and fun-poking at sexual subjects, it affected me at least a bit.

    All in all, it was desire, torpor, and carelessness that got to me. Until you know for sure this side of you has casted off, you have to stay vigilant and stern. Gotta know when to turn off the tv and find something more fulfilling to do, otherwise your honest reason for abstaining from substance becomes threadbare and weak.
     
    Quezatolah likes this.
  8. Quezatolah

    Quezatolah Fapstronaut

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    I see, you gotta continue feeding your mind things that promote peace of mind to offset the potential damage caused by seeing shows with such content.
     

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