The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Day 3

Hope everyone is having a happy Sunday and a wonderful New Year!

 

Last year I relapsed... was not careful enough with going out and doing things... installing a dating app, which seems to be a bad idea every time, didn't watch porn but I say it still counts into actually exerting the energy into the world and not waste it... Well, see if we manage to keep this year clean.

 

Day 4 complete!

I've been talking to my AP partner at the start of the New Year, and going forward I want to return to checking in on the forums and reminding myself about my NoFap goals on a daily basis. This is something I have not been doing consistently for a few months, even though I know it's helpful, because it's easy for me to lose track of time here and spend close to an hour on NoFap. Even so, this time is worth it. If I can find a way to reduce that time a bit and strike a balance, so that I can still get here every day, I think I'll be doing well.

Mary, Star of the Sea, guide me!

 

Day 322

 

Day 20 complete!

I was away in a wery intense youth christian conference and didn’t have time to checkin or think about sex a lot

 

DAY ONE. Reporting as an orc. Finally ...

 

4 days

 

Keeping falling back on peeking and p-subs.
Need to be more strict and remove electronic devices in the evening.

New year new chances!

Day 0 - Nazgul, The Dark Tower Barad-Dûr

 

2

Read journals from previous streak.

 

checkin in day 6.
Today I woke up at 5.30 am again and it will be a productive one.
I keep going (Little Hint if you are struggling on day 1-6 -> Here are what helped me so far:
I try to wake up early and regularly at the same time - cut my whole day in 30 minutes parts and always do some other activity. For me its best to have as much variety as possible. I planned the whole day on the evening before on a piece of paper. Besides socializing - workin' and doin' as many things as possible seems to be the way for me)
Stay strong!

 

Day 5: Unstable Behavior

I wasn't going to post today, but I thought maybe I should. I have been getting hit with many urges along the Orc journey, but that isn't what I'm here to post about.

This morning as I was getting ready for work I kind of lost it for a few minutes. I punched myself a few times, broke my comb in half and started throwing things angerly into the bathtub. Why you ask? Well, because I couldn't get my hair right. I used to do this kind of stuff, but hadn't in a very long time. I think on some level it is a sign of massive stress building up and then I snap at the tiniest thing.

I'm okay though, my right temple is just a bit sore. I've done far worse. I'm not 100% sure where all this pressure is coming from, but I got to loosen the latch somehow.

I feel this deep anger I don't know how to let go of. It builds up inside of me and erupts. I believe the bulk of it in the end is self directed. I would write more, but I'm exhausted after work today and my brain is going at a crawl.

 

You nailed it with the self image piece. I see myself as on the bottom by default, so I must preform flawlessly in order to prove I'm not. Nofap is just one of these things.

 

Day 6 tends to always be the breaking point with my streaks unfortunately. Even the smallest of triggers can get me spiraling. I could feel myself struggling to maintain a grasp on my self control, but I could nevertheless feel myself fighting for control. I am going to start at day 0 with the goal to do at least 15 minutes of writing every day, I feel that I need tangible progress in my personal endeavors before I can truly succeed in my NoFap journey

 

Thanks for the tip.

 

Day 315 no PMO. No temptation yesterday that I can recall. My daughter and I went for a jog together and I also took my kids golfing. Great day! I did crash on a bike and I’m pretty banged up but I’ll be fine. Just scratches and a few bruises. Luckily I had on my helmet.

 

Hey brother - I wanna reply cuz I can relate with your "deep anger".
I also felt it many times within me the last 3 years.
As far as I can tell Anger comes from some divergence:
The way you want your life vs. your actual surroundings and how it is now.

I hated some things that seem to happen frequently to me and put up some anger against people who hurt me like hell and against myself because I let them. So I think anger tells you where to go and you can channel it towards positivity and use it to become who you want to be. But first you need to accept it. And sometimes you need to calm it down too.

What helped me was listening to music (where anger and other emotions are expressed) exercising (athletic sports) and meditation. It helps a lot if you can adress your anger in a meditation and just watch it without lettin' it "catch" you.

Hope I could help in a way. Dont give up. Life will change if you change - promise!

 

150 days
You reached Henneth Annûn, a hidden refuge of the Rangers of Ithilien. You´re now the commander of army´s and ruler of hearts. People love you. “Who am i?” “You are our King, sire!”

All good so far.. feeling a little down tho, I need to do more productive things
I wish each and every one of you have a great year. Full of blessings and victories

 

Hour 10.5 - Nazgûl

I have not been on in a couple weeks. Struggled with sobriety during that time going on a couple binges. Have not MO'd to pornography in the hardcore sense in a week, but I did MO last night (twice actually, with on of the time to P-subs). Not a proud moment, but seeing as I had been binging on the P itself up until a week ago, I am just glad I avoided the "most destructive stuff", though to be honest, it all is destructive whether it is pornographic sex, or just a woman in a bikini like last night. I am not sure it is wise to distinguish in either case, but I am still counting it as PMO even if it was "just to P-subs". Anyway, I intend to finally get clean this year, and though I may have ruined the "New Year resolution" already, New Year resolutions are more than just about a streak of good fortune. It is all about year long behavior. If you give up bread for your resolutions and you eat bread after three days, that is fine, just start over and try to spend the majority of your year without bread. My goal is to have less than 2-4 weeks of resets which seems like a lot, but that is a 92-96% success rate, and I am aiming to do a lot better than that of course, but I don't want to leave no room for error, only to fail time and time again. So I am leaving room for error, and counting my year a success if I get above 92% clean. That does mean I have 13/14-27/28 days of resets available, and I intend to keep it that way.

Anyway, I have been up since 5AM this morning, it is now 6:30AM and I have a full day planned. In my seminars, I got A's this past semester, and in my lectures, I got an A in Algebra, an A- in Measure Theory, and a B in Topology leaving me with >3.6 gpa. Not bad, and I intend to get an A in my classes this next semester, which does mean more study and prep. My writing is going really well. My one murder mystery novel is turning more into a story of romance, recovery, addiction, and mental illness, with a back story of a serial arsonist. Wasn't my intention when I started out to have a book about mental illness and addiction as well as recovery and those that love those who struggle, yet that is what it is becoming. Honestly, I don't mind. The arsons are meant to drive the plot not to be the plot. The book also honors USA veterans with the character who is the target of the arsonist being a Vietnam vet, the boss of the main character, and the father of the main character's love interest are both Desert Shield/Desert Storm vets, and the main character's dad is former military police who served in Afghanistan. I come from a military family, and I have see how war messes with people, but also how proud of service my family is, and I want to tell not only the story of those who serve, but the addiction triggered by trying to cope with the war, the trauma experienced by their loved ones as well as being a love story for those who never give up. I am not quite sure I want to discuss pornography addiction just yet in my novel, as for obvious reasons, most people do not know about my struggles, and discussing it could open me up to unwarranted hate from certain real life factions. So for now, I just discuss alcohol, drug, and gambling addiction, and may later include more. With that said, I think that including a character's (likely the main character) story of dealing with the issues of pornography addiction could be inspiring for those who are like us here on NoFap. Luckily the book will not be published for a while, so I can get clean myself and then tell my story in a fictional setting, and maybe inspire other young men and women to get clean.

Anyway, have a good day all.
Best,
Mathman1994

 

Check in day 98

 

Some thoughts I just had for addicts that have tried everything

Extreme controversial measures to deal with PMO addiction, sexual problems

Fasting
If you control the need to eat controlling the need to PMO becomes way easier. It'll help the body and mind heal faster from PIED and fetishes.
I advice 7 day water fast and if longer be sure you are healthy.
I also do a once a week water fast as maintenance.

Books about it: the tao of health, sex and longevity by Daniel Reid( fasting section)
Healing by fasting Alexi suvorin

Non ejaculatory sex:
You cure a sex problem with sex, the easiest way to balance sexual energy is heterosexual sex. So go find yourself a partner or a prostitute. Even just cuddling the energy will help. This is not pleasure it's therapy.

Apnea:
Holding your breath for as long as you can, learn some apnea techniques and improve everyday to go beyond 3-5 minutes. Just like eating if you avoid such a basic need like breathing you can avoid the need to ejaculate.

Extreme sense, heart, fantasy mortification: not watching any girls on the streets, no fantasies about love, girls, not eating anything tasty, no alcohol, no movies, no yt.