The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Holy Spirit only comes when you forget yourself and work for God's sake in whatever you do.

 

Day 3

Relieved to have completed my essays today, now just prepping for my first sermon this Sunday! It was really great to have some downtime this afternoon, played some Witcher 3, cooked a nice meal, and did some research into an effective exercise routine - I'm planning on lifting weights twice a week, with swimming at least once a week too. I don't have the intention of bulking/cutting, I just want to start eating and living healthier.

Temptation was not as bad as yesterday, but I did notice it creeping in every now and then. Now that my stressful work tasks are completed I can focus on getting back into a good routine!

 

Day 4

Checking in. Really great day so far. I told myself I would work for three hours and I did. I also meditated and am working through the rosary over the course of this evening.

I'm starting to remember some good habits, and how good it feels to take things on rather than putting them off. Still a long ways to go.

 

Day 151

 

Day 5 complete!

I spent quite a lot of time on a video game today, but since I was doing it to work towards a specific time-limited achievement, it almost felt like work or an assignment. Normally spending so much time on an activity like that can lead to triggers, but I didn't feel anything today. I was super focused and it felt great.

The other cool thing is that we got nine inches of snow! Where I live it usually only snows once or twice a year, and only a couple inches at that, so this was a big deal! I was outside with my brother and sisters for an hour or two, and it was hilarious to watch our dog jumping around in all the snow. The cold didn't seem to bother him nearly as much as I thought it would. Today was simple, in the best possible way.

St. Francis of Assisi, pray for us!

 

Day 323

 

5 days

 

Day 3
Woke up just now. Have scheduled a to do:
5 hr work, Cook a healthy meal. That's all I require to finish.
I'm going to take it slow.

Day 3 Journal:

I don't feel good. Yes, I'm once more subject to feelings. Today I'm having quite an unanchored day. I feel myself needing people and socializing to the point I have come across as needy. It's all due to masturbation I indulged in. I do not feel good as of this moment. I'm trying to stay objective and patient, but the damage has been done. I'm feeling desperately needy. I have feelings of inferiority, and I have an obsessive need to social media search people I have been obsessing over, to the point my entire life has been revolving around their online Identity. It's pathetic. I used to be so independent and not needing anybody, full on my grind everyday. I've become a ghost of who I was. I'm not at all proud of my inner state as of this moment. I'm trying to remain objective but I just know it, the feelings of inferiority has beset me. I'm unfit to go out and operate as of now. Until I reach atleast 21 days of abstention, I'm if to plainly put, unfit for action. I'm emotionally vulnerable and weak as of now

Prev Streak record: Day 3 of 7 (No sexual Thoughts/Fantasy/ Voluntary Self Arousal/ Viewing any Triggering content) Bad day today.I'm gonna go to sleep now. Just tired

Next day: Day 4 of 7 (No sexual Thoughts/Fantasy/ Voluntary Self Arousal/ Viewing any Triggering content)
Just started my day. I saw the morning sunshine for the first time in so so long. It was a beautiful feeling.

 

Day 21 complete.

I did go phishing and looked at girls butts with underwear for a bit. And after the conference I have covid.

 

Night 1 complete with 0 devices. Had some urges but overcame them.

Day 1 - Orc, The Dark Tower Barad-Dûr

 

Checking in, day 8

 

I guess I'm running in circles. One step forward, one/two steps back.

I'm like Bilbo in the Hobbit who is afraid of setting out on the journey and who's sticking to his own abode.

The worst enemy is inside you. Your own mind wants to keep you in the prison of addiction because it is overrun with this PMO virus. It's a like bad advisor to the king in Lord of the Rings.

I've decided to stick my nose out of my hobbit lair again. I don't know how far I'll walk this time again.

 

Checkin in day 7! (It had been 3 months since Ive reached that) - yesterday I had a really full day again.
Luckily the girls from my living community are back from holidays now so I have a better social factor.
I have the feeling that there are 3 main factors for "stability":
1) Stay engaged all time (use and plan your time, even if its free time - if you always know what to do next there isnt much space for PMO)
2) Always try to be as much with others as possible! Get used to not being alone anymore (hard one for me cuz I rly enjoy it to be alone as well)
3) Look inside, start great habits (selflove,discipline,focus)

Yesterday ive even gave myself a hug - it felt kinda weird but good haha
Consider yourself as your own brother/best friend is key... and all what helps you to advance in the right direction is good (even a self hug) I guess. Self-destructive behaviour has no more place here now.
I finally want to be a HOBBIT!

stay strong

 

If you compare yourself to Bilbo then dont forget the positive site :
He just needed some motivation after which he was able to do a hell of a journey and become a hero.
It seems your focus is more on your failure than on your possibilities. You are your own worst enemy -yes . But that means you also could be your own best friend indeed. Stay strong!

 

Check in Tuesday

 

Got a trigger today, almost got away from it too, but in the end I couldn’t overcome it. Stepping away from a trigger is never enough, you must destroy it completely.
And that’s exactly what I’m gonna do when it happens again
Destroy it. Day 0

 

I just blocked his content weeks ago as I never found any value in what he posted and often triggering. Perhaps you should do the same.

 

Day 316 no PMO. No urges today.

 

Alright! day 4! let's do this!

 

I wish it was that easy. Easier said than done. Especially at night when it's hard to keep your brain occupied.