Spanking Fetish

Discussion in 'Compulsive Sexual Behavior' started by FutureKing, Jan 1, 2022.

  1. FutureKing

    FutureKing Fapstronaut

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    I spent a long time running from this one, however I finally decided to act on my fetish. I started attending spanking specific munches, and meeting spanking fetishists.

    I attended a national spanking party and a local spanking party. I have spend an ungodly amount of money pulling this together. I am scheduled to go to another national party. I went from pining over my fetish to having lost count of the number of women I have spanked.

    I don't know if this is victory or defeat but damn am I happy that I went through with it. I'm always walking around with a smirk on my face knowing what I get up to.

    I had to learn a lot. Consent negotiations terrified me, but are becoming more natural. I had to overcome self esteem issues. I am better off now mentally than when I started. Plus it's a huge ego boost to have so many women say "yes."
     
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2022
  2. Glad to hear that you are having fun with consent out there and that you are doing it through the bdsm community which is often very responsible.
    I went to a handful of spanking parties once upon a time. It was always a challenge being on the flip side and finding women to spank me. (Most attendees were male tops and female bottoms). I had one good experience.

    But, on the second time I planned a "scene" with an experienced (and cute!!) domme, and before we started a new woman asked if she could "learn" and practice on me and I reluctantly agreed not wanting to miss my opportunity with the cute domme. Within a minute, yet another woman, who was drunk (not okay!!) started talking to the domme. The domme got distracted and the newb literally just beat me. I was not being spanked, I was being assaulted. I should have used my safe word, but I was so new myself and in the moment I just endured it until it ended. I never went back. It was one of the most awful experiences of my life. I think most people can agree that getting beat up by another person is an extremely unpleasant experience.

    That said . . . be careful out there! As a top you have a lot of responsibility and a bad scene might traumatise a woman for life.
     
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  3. FutureKing

    FutureKing Fapstronaut

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    I originally came to NoFap not because of porn addiction, but because I wanted to cure myself of my spanking fetish. It didn't work. I come from a fairly conservative background, and wasn't yet able to integrate spanking as part of my sexual identity.

    I basically went the main route. Fetlife, local meetups, and finding out about national events through word of mouth. Finding YouTube channels with decidedly normal spanking fetishists.

    As far as responsibility, that is the reason I primarily keep my play level low to moderate. I keep entirely to my consent negotiation. If I don't know how to use an implement, I won't until I have proper training. I wouldn't have let my mentor's attention waiver if he was training me to do something.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2022
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  4. Overforme

    Overforme Fapstronaut

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    I do not believe that this is normal sexual behavior and only objectifies women. If in a relationship with a partner and some light spanking is involved as a playful thing is normal perhaps. I am confused how we should glorify you going to sex parties.
     
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  5. FutureKing

    FutureKing Fapstronaut

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    All things considered, these are not sex parties. In fact they are almost entirely chaste. If you come looking for sex, you will just make everybody uncomfortable, and will develop a bad reputation very quickly.

    There are women who have dreamed their entire lives of being spanked, and for some of them it's almost their entire sexual identity. I specialize in playing with these women.

    The "problem" with 99.9% of people is they think of spanking as foreplay and not a stand alone act.

    Imagine a woman spending $1,000 on airfare and hotel room to get spanked. That's how bad they want this in a safe environment. We are more then willing to basically set our money on fire to meet eachother. That's where it can become problematic.

    Also I put this in the problematic sexual behavior thread, not the glorifying my exploits thread
     
    Last edited: Jan 3, 2022
  6. Overforme

    Overforme Fapstronaut

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    Is it a problem though King, if you look forward to it, are glad you went through with it, walk around with a smirk on your face, only have women to indulge in you and say yes? I'm trying to make you realize that these women are not stable women. Don't you want a caring relationship with a lady?
     
  7. FutureKing

    FutureKing Fapstronaut

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    Most of the women are very stable women, many with high flying careers, you're simply projecting. Most people in our fetish space are quite successful, you have to be to have the kind of money it takes to go to attend these parties. Also many of us do have caring relationships as well.
     
  8. Overforme

    Overforme Fapstronaut

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    Man you need serious help. You claim it's a problem, but keep defending it. Step 1 is FULL admittance of a problem.
    And honestly I thought you could be helped. Not sure what I was thinking. Keep enjoying your events of people that ditch their significant others and pay a lot of money to fulfill their normal sexual behaviors. I pity you
     
  9. Overforme

    Overforme Fapstronaut

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    You made this original post in a braggish way. You say it makes you happy in some of it. Does it make you happy if it's a problem? I'm just projecting though...
     
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  10. Disgusting. This is for people who want help
     
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  11. Overforme

    Overforme Fapstronaut

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    Yes. He needs a lot of help. OP - Cancel the upcoming trip and stop giving in to this sick fetish. It will never make you satisfied, always just lusting for more and more. Do you want to be doing this for the rest of your life? Isn't their something more for you?
     
    Path-to-Disipline likes this.
  12. Hi

    I have a couple of questions if you don't mind my asking. I am curious if this is related to porn or not and how it makes you feel. So, do you believe this fetish is porn induced?

    Has there been any escalation to this point? Or do you believe there will be any after this point?

    Has there been any guilt/shame associated with this fetish?

    Thanks
     
  13. Where will this ultimately take you? A good place?
     
  14. FutureKing

    FutureKing Fapstronaut

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    This fetish has existed since before then internet was the beast she is today (the 90's.) I used to look up "spanking" in the dictionary when I was 4-5, was transfixed by normal TV shows like I Love Lucy. I used to borrow my sister's Barbie dolls and G.I. Joe would spank Barbie. I thought it was a completely normal form of attraction, until I unceremoniously found out it wasn't. Then I decided to firmly close the closet doors. They remained closed for 17 years. I'm asexual and virtually aromatic other than spanking so I simply went about my life silently pining after my fetish.

    Has there been shame? Of course. Years of my life were spent experiencing immense shame. I thought many terrible things about myself. I got completely exhausted of attacking myself. I decided that it would be acceptable to actualize this fetish with consenting adults.

    Is it due to escalation? No. I was into spanking before I was allowed to use a 56K modem. I would say that it escalates from spanking to harder BDSM, but I've stopped watching porn pretty much altogether. If I do MO, it's 100% imagination. Any escalation I've experienced was in actual play and at my partners' request. More or less from partners wanting to play harder, and me being happy to oblige.
     
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  15. FutureKing

    FutureKing Fapstronaut

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    Probably Texas or Nevada. Those are alright places.
     
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  16. Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? If so, I am not judging you (i have a fetish but I personally feel it gets in the way of normal attraction and has ruined relationships so I am trying to heal it), do you think it gets in the way of real relationships?

    Finding the root of this might help you understand it better and yourself.

    Shame is what keeps the cycle going and keeps us in the darkness. Sounds like you're doing this in a consensual way
    and only you can decide what's good for you but is it external shame (being 'different' ) or is it internal "I know there's something not right about this"?

    Someone can be financially successful and still have damaging addictions- many alcoholics are highly successful. You don't really know if they are 'stable' if you're just meeting them to spank them but my guess is that there is childhood trauma involved.
     
  17. FutureKing

    FutureKing Fapstronaut

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    Lets do one thing at a time, multi-quotes overwhelm the heck out of me.
     
  18. FutureKing

    FutureKing Fapstronaut

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    1. Yes it gets in the way of relationships. It is very isolating. You throw a local party and there's literally a couple of dozen of us.

    2. Yes it would be how I would live my life at this point. It makes me immensely happy.

    3. The shame at this point is past tense. Present tense I feel no shame whatsoever after actually doing what makes me happy consentually. Before it was the shame of being different. Now I'm free from that horrible feeling.

    4. Yes, my mother is a recovering alcoholic and makes well over 6 figures a year. There are plenty of examples of this. I however tend to think that the whole trauma angle is a bit oversold. I was a spoiled, middle class child. My parents never spanked me.
     
    The Passenger likes this.
  19. Have you ever considered dating any of these women to see where that leads?

    Asexual people don't MO. This sounds like spanking is deeply rooted in your sexuality, if it has been always there since a young age and is not influenced by porn.
     
  20. FutureKing

    FutureKing Fapstronaut

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    I consider them basically my dating pool, and would be more than happy to pursue a relationship with one if there was considerable fetish alignment.
     

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