The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Checking in. I'm still standing, i had a good day today! Had some P flashbacks that went away quickly.

Still strong! Strenght & Honor!

 

Day 2 done! On day 3!

Being an orc is not fun. But it does have its perks: I never have to take a shower and I don't have to spend money on haircuts. Wish we had dental tho. Hang in there fellow orcs!

 

10 days!

 

Day 9 today. A good day.

 

Checking in friends
Serious urges earlier today and then later there was a film on TV which had lots of trigger scenes so I am going back to the FASTER scale

With the depressing feelings of late I reckon I am on the ANXIETY section - and so I want to be here so lap it up

F - forgetting priorities
bored
Once I am conscious of this I will check if I need rest and if so I will take it, if not I will get busy on tasks but setting myself low bar tasks so as to not feel overwhelmed

A - Anxiety - Loneliness - Fantasy
I have started staying with reality more, not running from its taste, remind myself this is where I want to be, this is where it is at, real satisfaction/ freedom can only be found in reality.

Similar to @Redemptionisrequired 's post above about facing the underlying issues, this stage is a call / a trigger to embrace, rather than run from, the pain

S - Speeding Up -Stressing
Caught myself doing this this week - When I am in this state the last thing I want to do is slow down, but this is what I have been doing, accepting wherever I am, and slowing down, realising it is not as bad as my mind is telling me, it is just an ingrained habit

This is a big cue to turn and face the thing that is stressing me. If it is too big, then break into bitesized chunks and build in rewards (need to revisit posts on rewards)

T - Ticked OFF
Went straight to this phase this weekend when some deep wounds opened related to my mother's self destructive streak and how this causes so much suffering to those that love her
I needed to just rest and be very gentle with myself and remind myself that the urges are here because of a desire to escape this most fundamental reality - the psychological harm suffered by the self destruction of those we love - this cannot be medicated with anger only acceptance. Also it is a cue to take a look in the mirror I guess, and see all who I have harmed throughout my own life through my own life and the various bad habits I had, be they physical like drinking, psychological like narcissism, omission like work avoidance, etc..

E - Exhausted - self doubting
Stop stop stop - rest -take time off - just drop what it is I think is so important (it ain't)

R - Relapse - depressed
Do not Binge - get back on the saddle asap - P creates the hole that it claims to fill

 

Checking in for day 12. Today I was close to a relapse as I hold on for a second and though about the last 11 days and that I actually do not miss anything. This and the thought about this community helped me staying strong.

Greeting
J

 

Day 11

Urges returned this evening, was watching TV with my flatmate and they suddenly just hit me - the show didn’t have any triggers I believe it was simply fatigue and boredom tricking my brain into thinking it needed dopamine.

Managed to push through, I would hate to relapse so early into my streak, let alone so early into the year! I’m back at college tomorrow so I’ll have plenty more to keep my mind occupied and distracted, thinking of going for a walk in the afternoon if the weather permits.

 

Tired, getting offline. It’s the best thing to do when the brain is tired and the will is week. Too early for bed. Will tidy up and then work on some hobbies

 

Day 14: Urges!

Been having a lot of urges today. I found something pornographic on my computer in an odd place; Google drive which I never use. I deleted it promptly, didn't help the situation though.

Thought I'd post here quickly in an attempt to stay accountable. Hobbit tomorrow!

 

Day 12

 

Day 159. Really hot day...

Yesterday was great. Posting about it later now I'm too tired lol

 

Day 331

 

Day 6

Accomplished: prayer, meditation, cold shower, gym, some very very minimal work.

In the past couple days I've attempted to really be conscious of the thoughts that occur to me, especially the ones that make me anxious or depressed. It's been helpful. I think I'm starting to regain a little perspective on my life. I've been worried about a lot of things I can't control, and then ignoring the things I can control. Working on changing this.

 

Day 29 done!

Doing good, quite stressed at the new job, I have to do tasks that I am not yet good at, but in the end of the day I am happy about it.

Being here in this community makes me want to not give up. If I come to the thought of looking at P, I think: what am I going to tell the community.

 

Day1. Welcome back as an ork. Last night I was strong again. There were light urges, though. The Eye of Sauron is watching me but its power is so strong. The closer I am to destroying the ring, the close I am to the Eye.

 

Thanks you seisei @Slider8 for your comment. Gonna go over your entries, copy them and reread. It takes time for them to sink in. They require rereading for the thought recondition to take place.

 

Day 9 - Uruk-Hai, The Dark Tower Barad-Dûr

Had a somewhat rough evening. With some heavy urges but did not give in and said No! to myself

 

Should be day 12! My circadian rhythm is still unhinged. But I will get some stability one day!

 

The first day

Yesterday had one of the worst binge sessions in recent times for me. I was on my own without any plan and I did exactly what I planned… a lot of nothing with PMO sessions in between.

But somewhere in the afternoon I want to a coffee place near my house and simply opened my laptop there and life changed. That’s it. I reached out and wrote a post about how bad I felt, and someone reached back and helped me. later I’ve writing down a plan for today and started taking NoFap with more seriousness. After a recommendation I’ve started reading the Alan Carr EasyWay to quit smoking book. And I hope that the same lessons about smoking would apply to porn. I pledge to read at least 30 minutes every day until I would finish this book.

I would also get back into the habit of meditation. Something that always help me to feel better and yet I sometimes simply stop doing for no good reason.

 

65 days.
Morning check in, happy to report I worked on tidying up my kitchen, washing the dishes. Stayed offline last night and worked on some art instead. Feeling good.
Will probably check in later on today. Going to try checking in twice a day, to keep my mind focused on the reboot. Small goals, one at a time, easy does it.