Making love with PE - tips and feminine perspective?

First, congrats on the great no P streak! I can tell how frustrated you are in your current situation but you've got a lot going for you besides that:

- A partner who is into you (and vice versa), whose sex drive is roughly equal to your own, and who is willing to work with you through the process.

- The ability to get and stay hard pretty much anytime things get going between the two of you.

A lot of guys on this board don't even have this much going for them so be grateful for that.

I'm no professional but as I read the situation, you are *almost* fully healed, but not quite. Maybe try 60 days hardmode i.e. no PIV with your GF. Ideally no orgasm for either of you but she might not be down for that. If she's willing to join you in two months of total abstinence I really think that would solve your PE issues but that's a sacrifice only the two of you can decide to make and it needs to be mutual. You are really close to the goal so I believe it would be time well spent. Good luck regardless.

 

I can relate so much to your situation. It seems as if I had written it, every single word. I'm quite interested in what other people has to say about the topic.

 

In stead of sharing my most intimate moments with my SO on a porn addict recovery site, for myself I would ask hér how I could fulfill her the best.

 

No one here can answer your questions. Have a talk with her and choose to trust she's going to answer honestly.

 

There's a number of ways to slow things down. The thoughts, of course, are most powerful. If I'm trying to prolong the time, sometimes I think of a math problem and work at that, such as multiplying 16 by 2, and again, and again, etc. I never did like counting sheep to try to sleep, but a similar idea to that here, I suppose. But I think you should experiment a little with your technique. Learn what speeds and timings will help you last. For me, slower speeds often approach climax faster--even though this might seem counterintuitive. Another "no-no" is to vary the speed; i.e. interrupting the rhythm with a stop and a start, or changing the speed/rhythm, is a good way to finish sooner. If you must stop, stop for no less than 20-30 seconds to cool down before resuming. It may help to actually count those seconds in your mind. Meanwhile, give her attention elsewhere.

Before I got married, a mentor of mine recommended a book to read that may help you as well called "The Act of Marriage," by Tim and Beverly LaHaye. I'm not sure I should have been reading that before I got married, but perhaps it did me some good in the end. Not many people are bold enough to write about such intimate relations in a constructive, educational light; but there is both a science and an art to the act of lovemaking.

 

Sorry for my english but if you want, I have three tricks that help me so much in perfomance anxiety according to a sexual therapist that maybe can help you:

1. If you haven't ejaculated in a long time, it's normal that you can't last long when you are approaching a sexual intercourse. The feeling is so much intense. So you can engage in some foreplay before sex and during this have an orgasm. When you will regain an erection you will be more relaxed and less tens: obviously the act will be longer, because you aren't holding anymore a n days load and your penis will be less sensitive. This gives you the chance to focus and enjoy other parts of the sexual interaction, such as skin touch ecc...

2. Ejaculation comes only when you are tense. So the best thing you can do is to completely relax during the act. When you enter, take all the time to getting comfortable inside her and take deep breaths, in order to relax all your muscles. This will lead you to move away the urge to ejaculate. Always start the slowest you can do and move like if you are a wave of the ocean. This tecnique tends to stimulate less the penis and gives her much pleasure.

3. Relax the pubococcygeus muscle. You can to this applying a reverse kegel.

 

Do you get soft after PE? Have you ever tried continuing and going for seconds? Just a thought.

I cum pretty fast quite often. Even on longer streaks where I haven't been looking at porn. When I'm well rested, and my libido is strong from not looking at porn, I can usually last for a second orgasm.

I also think that lube helps my endurance some times. When we use lube I don't feel things as much and I seem to last a fair bit longer.

Just some suggestions.

 

I'm a female. I think a great place to start, is believe her. It maybe porn addiction telling you have to be a certain way, but she is reassuring you reality is different. Listen to her, she is right.
My husband always was insecure about his size. He thought it should be bigger. I spent years before he believed me i love him the way he is.

I can't speak on behalf of your gf, but you are already doing what most men dont. Actual foreplay! Thats great ...and for me at least its 99 percent of the fun. Penetrating isnt a magic thing, amd its not how most women masturbate when they are going solo...
Sounds like you are doing great. Just believe her, and it will save you so much pain and grief.

 

It wasn't meant judgemental at all. I was just talking about myself.
I think if you feel that way, it must have something to do with you?

 

Sorry, I don't get that.

 

Congrats again on your no PMO streak. I hear you when you say you struggle, but it’s a good sign of progress that you can avoid the PMO.

I struggled with PE when I first got married a couple years ago. I’ve started lasting a lot longer (5-10 min) in the past few months because I was asking similar questions to you. Here’s what helped me:

1. The reverse kegle exercises really did help me. If you can make yourself finish faster, than you have the physical ability to make yourself finish slower. You just need to figure out how to pull the right levers down there.

2. Focus only on her pleasure. It sounds like you do a great job of this already.

 

That is just very little penetrations it's quite bad. At least 300 penetrations to start and 1000 will be acceptable.

You need to work a lot. Nothing more depressing than a bad lover.

Start by holding your pee while you urinate. Pee a little hold it and so on.

It's not about feelings a female orgasm is a female orgasm and sex requires skill and technique

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?t...culation-and-have-non-ejaculatory-sex.309869/

 

You can take some sildenafil for a while it helps reducing PE. Not the all tablet just 1/4.

 

The guy's getting off on being self-righteous, just ignore him. Or if you want cheering up, read the post linked in his signature.

I would definitely recommend doing reverse kegels. Actual kegels can have the opposite intended effect in that they actually strengthen the muscles associated with bringing you to ejaculation. Alternatively, as someone recommended, take like a little bit of sildenafil and you'll last for ages.

 

I am a woman.Since she is happy you are probably doing everything right. Every woman is different. Imho 1 big o is more than enough. Like someone here said, and I agree most of the fun is foreplay. That being said if you want to do something extra make it 2 or 3 or more. On primal desire…me personally I am team vaginal orgasm…which in my opinion is very different from clitoral and more satisfying but you don’t need a penis to help her achieve it, 1 finger is enough. It usually turns on my husband to be doing it so you may enjoy. The best way is to do it is in doggy position other positions would work too but with a clean lubed finger. You want to aim for the g spot “press downwards while you’re moving in and out.” It really does satisfy the “ primal” desire imho for vaginal and does not require you trusting 100 times which honestly gets old. me and ny spousal have a different issue… delayed ejaculation due to his porn addiction. Trust me you don’t want on the other end of the spectrum either. It sounds like you are right in the middle.