7th day

finally i am going to make it to a week. its been 6 days since i jerked off. i am really trying to cut out porn completely, had created a telegram account to chat with a girl(who eventually ghosted me....),i have been using telegram as a source of porn links ever since. its like playing with the edge of a razor, you know you'll get hurt sometime. its weird how quickly i get attached to people(and they don't; not even one bit), and it hurts me when they leave, when they treat me like I'm nothing, when they make me feel so useless that i start questioning my own self. I'm not the best i agree but i never knew I'm this useless.....it kills me everyday, this emptiness of not having someone to talk to in real time, its tough to bear.
I've completed 6 days on nofap with a lot of peeking, today marks the start of the 7th day, i am still in a dilemma about my telegram account which i off and on use to peek.it allows me to make friends, at least acquaintances...is what we can say, it gives me the way to find more people to talk to.... a lot of them ghost me, but i make up for it by finding more people, what really annoys me is the lack of physical people.....as in....no one present in real time around me, parents don't really bother about how i feel,all that matters to them is marks...ik they mean the very best for me, but unfortunately ,i could never build a strong relation with them, and have been trying to fill that gap with a lot of things...other people...gaming(earlier)....depression i guess takes its part whenever possible. its killing me literally....this emptines...

 

7 days completed without masturbation and no porn for the last 15 hours or so. i have decided that starting from today till the end of 8 weeks i will abstain from porn and note the differences. I realized that i don't really like watching porn, it was just due to my tensions and problems that i used to watch it. My immediate goal is to cease watching porn, and invest that time into something productive.
one other habit that i need to change is regarding accountability, i try to seek ways and means to push the poor result that i have on some other person, which is a very unhealthy and in fact ugly habit. it leads you to believe that all the failures that happened are due to someone else and keeps one smug and satisfied, whereas in reality, it is us who is responsible for the downfall for the most part. its truly a marvel as to how the human brain is designed to keep us safe from perceived threats, sometimes leading to addiction and dependence problems. having 7 days under the belt gives me enough confidence to reset one other counter and see 7 more days on that.