I feel hopeless (Not hopeless anymore, i success)

I watch until i got at least 80% erection, sometimes i wait until it's full 100%. No, it doesn't have to do anything with nofap, i m on nofap break right now and i will stick to nofap hardmode again later.
Why i do it like this is because if i use touching i will learn my brain to get it up this way(of course it's not only way) not only that, if i can get erection just by watching all alone then i know i have success in my mission, i don't want to be confused does i get erection just because of touching or really because i started to like regular sex.

One more thing i m 21, never had a PIED, have done 2+ years of nofap hardmode, i m young and have well testosterone level so point is i can get erection when i touch myself and thinking about nothing. When i just put my hand there i can stimulate myself even if i m not thinking about anything, very fast. That's why i do it this way. If i m 35+ or older i doubt i could do this what i done in just 4 months. Youth play big role here, it's seems to me we are all young here, that great.

Of course this is just my personal choice, you can do how you wish, i just think this is more effective way, my opinion.
When i started doing this first month and a half i could not get erection just by watching i was forced to use touching, you can see i have write that in earlier in this thread at page 1. How times goes forward i have always tried to watch and to make myself comfortable and use touch as last resolt, after around 2 month i was able to get aroused and get erection without touching, it have gotten better how more time pass, slowly but still improving.
When i watch vanilla porn i always try to watch amateur porn, because pro porn have super high quality and super model of girls and perfect camera angles and picture, point is that we won't be having possibility to experience that in real life, i don't want to have huge ass and breast in mind as expectation.

The lower my expectation is, the better for me. I don't want reality to shoock me.

 

You have pre porn induced fetish, same as me. So go to my profile and you Will find thread "My way to overcome pre porn induced fetish" try that and another solution is to find therapist, good luck mate!

 

I m happy to hear that, you really got far. I hope i Will be there soon

 

Last two days i have wet dreams about fetish thing. I remember i refused to do it in dream, i have just turned my head i walk away. I don't get how long Will i get those Dreams?

 

I agree acceptance will solve much things and gives a stres free feeling. But i have thinking about that after i recover i will be able for relationship i Will be open for vanilla and some of my fetishes. I will try to leave my darkest fetish behind me and never do it again. That fetish i m taking to is dangerous and very humiliating. I feel like i wont be able to keep my interes in vanilla if i do that fetish, at least for now. I m aware that fetish Will stay with me and cant disappear.

 

I fucked up

I have watched femdom porn, i didn't PMO to it after femdom i switched to vanilla porn and PMO

Disaster, i really need to feel depression and despair again just to hit good road again, i m really weird.

 

Thanks buddy. I had strong desire to watch that crap today and i didn't resist it. But it is what it is, sometimes we fall, but we always get up.

Last time i watched femdom porn was about 4 month ago, so i can say this is more a win for me than a lose, but i could do better than this.

 

TRIGGER WARNING

Last few days i got erections for vanilla with almost no trying at all.
In past month or 2 i was always trying to first gain erection and arousal and then to go for PMO. Time for gaining erection and arousal could go from one minute up to 10(without touching).
But now i m getting erections and arousal in almost same second as i saw breast or ass. Full month four almost completed, let's see what happens next.

 

It's great news buddy, keep going. Relapses happens, the one who try can make mistake sometimes, we are just people.

My main reason why i continue to post here and write news what happens to me how times go is mostly because they are more people like me. People who are in despair because of things like this. To be honest it's really hard to find answer about this problem, you can see if you follow forum that there are people with similar or same problem, but it's very difficult to find solution. I want to everyone who suffer from similar to know that there is a way, you just need to give your best.
Only i know how bad i have been feeling in past because of this, that's why i will continue to update.

I m so happy because i m improving. I can't believe it. For me it was always mission impossible. Ever since my teenage years when i started PMO i was thinking i will never be able to have balanced relationship. That i wont be able to have wife and kids. I have just hated myself.
But things can change, i m still in shock that i was able to change this.

 

I have watched femdom porn twice week ago i didn't PMO to it, i just don't know what the hell is with me.

I did nofap hardmode for 3 days after that to wash the trash and continue with vanilla. Solid erections but it's about the same as in January. Most probably because of setbacks i did.