Escort challenge

I wish love was what made an addict change. I’m sure you loved you mother. I know I have loved my husband. I know I prayed daily for God to make me the wife he needed. I know most SO’s deeply love their partners. Many sex addicts lose that love before they admit a problem and start change. I agree addicts need love. Most addicts don’t feel or see that they are or can be loved because of the pain driving them to addiction, until the pain of addiction is worse than the pain of changing, they will continue in pain. Let’s take the high blood pressure analogy, the dr tells you, you must change your lifestyle and take this medication. He gives you a list of things to change. A year later you come back and give him reasons why you couldn’t make those changes. You couldn’t remember the medication, you couldn’t afford fruit and veggies, you didn’t want people to see you trying to exercise, but at least once a month you remembered your pills , so that’s something right? The dr can see your blood pressure is dangerously high and getting worse. Should the dr out of love praise your effort or tell you the truth? You will die. You must make these changes. Which dr do you want? The one who goes along with your reasons or the one who tells you the truth about your situation? I read what other addicts reply, and I feel like you guys just want to keep each other down. I feel like I care more than you guys. I wonder many times if other addicts like when others relapse and struggle because it affirms to them how hard this is.

 

I want to remind you if something - you didn’t use all the wrong methods. Your mother chose to continue smoking in spite of your love. Only an addict can choose to quit, you cannot do anything to make them stop.

 

That's great, @sclguy! That's an important step.

 

We get it @Psalm27:1my light. We get it. What we're saying is that you need to speak in a way that will have people listen to you instead of getting their back up. There's are ways to speak the truth and have people listen, and ways to speak the truth and drive people away. Use the former.

 

True! It starts with your upbringing, because children absorb from their parents, peers and teachers. When you get old enough to think, if the right help isn't available, you merely perpetuate your mistakes to your own kids (unintentionally, of course).

You're asking the right questions.

It's never too late. I have made some disastrous decisions in my life, including marrying a gaslighting abuser (I'm now divorced), and I'm in my 60's rebuilding my life. If I can do it, so you can you — you're still young!

Good luck!

 

I used to have extreme lack of self-confidence. I lived my life trying to please others and be liked by others.

But, I always knew that something was wrong. Not what was wrong; just that something was wrong.

I turned to therapy.

I've written about this several times before.

I cannot count how much therapy I've had, nor how many different types of therapy.

But each and every one of them has helped, from the mundane (spas, massage therapy — by a professional, NOT a prostitute!) to the complex (hypnotherapy, systemic constellations), from the routine (CBT, or cognitive behavioural therapy) to the bizarre (EFT, or emotional freedom technique), and everything in between. Some was self-help, some was done by professionals in their respective fields.

I don't know where you live, but see what therapy you can get within your budget.

One suggestion that helped me was that you don't have to change much. Just a tiny bit. And, if you change just a tiny bit every day, after 365 days, you have a surprisingly large change.

The changes in me over the years have been gigantic. Just a tiny bit at a time (and, three or four times, an epiphany).

Go for it!

BTW — A girlfriend makes you neither happy nor complete. It's a mistake that many people make, thinking that having a partner will make you happy. (I made that mistake myself, and I learned the hard way.) Two broken halves don't make a whole. They just make a broken mess. You need to be happy and complete on your own, and then you find a happy and complete girlfriend, and you share your happiness and completeness with each other.

 

I know you don’t feel it, but you are still incredibly young. You have a 20 year head start on my husband! The best years of my life started after 32! Unfortunately for my husband, the best years of his life didn’t start until after 50. Love yourself. Once you do that, your world will become amazingly beautiful.

 

@Psalm27:1my light and @need4realchg — Some lovely words there! Thank you

 

Well it’s been a bit of a late start for this thread for New Year but Happy New Year everybody! I’ll kick start it off!
I’ll admit I ended up messing up near the end of last year. Overall for myself 2021 hasn’t been my best year, but I’m still improving, keeping positive, praying and working on myself. I want to make 2022 my best year. I want it to be like 2020, 0 E.
And sometimes it gets hard cause I get down and depressed with a lot of stuff going on and sometimes I feel it’s alright to burn some steam. Unfortunately often when I do I leave and didn’t really satisfy myself so escorts aren’t my solution.
Normal girls are, and they are out here, sometimes I see the social media and #shorts clips on YouTube or tiktok they advertise it and those hotties can trigger me to want to fap.
Or some of the dating apps I see listings for escorts or people selling their content. For me it’s not good because it doesn’t align with what I want. Right now a sex buddy or friend with benefit would be fun but I’ve been often stressed or haven’t been getting out their enough to find one. However I’m still open for looking for a girlfriend, or possibly something more serious until that day.

But I want to challenge myself to not see any escorts this year. So that’s my challenge for 2022. Hope everyone is doing good.

A part of me has been pretty down, very unmotivated and not been doing a lot besides work, no life out of work and that’s something I need to develop. That’s something I’m thinking about and working on. Anyhow hope all is well.

 

Hi everyone - I have a new thread about my escort addiction. You might find it helpful:

https://forum.nofap.com/index.php?threads/no-escorts-or-porn-for-2022-daily-reflection.324825/

 

Has Anyone seen escorts or prostitutes
say in Thailand or Latin American or other foreign places? what do you feel about them compared to the US or Europe etc.
These are places where you probably would meet one on the streets rather then finding an ad online.
The problem with the online is you get so sucked into it searching or looking at all the ads but say with going for a walk in one of these countries and you can walk and pick whichever woman that suits your interests what do you feel about this? Is this different or worse then using online escorts or the same?
your opinions?
Maybe a silly dumb question.

 

I think it is a little bit more risky. If they see you're foreign they may aproach you and entertain you while somebody else is going to harm you or steal anything from you.

 

Nights like tonight could be a trigger for me cause I’m by myself and sure
idle hands are the devils playground.
Anyways thanks for your input.

 

Building a better life for yourself is the ONLY way out of this.

 

Hey everyone Happy end of the month.
I have some problems going on. I've fallen back to finding escorts. Today was a wasted day because I was messaging some then trying to meet some and later today after i had a few failed attempts I met up with one. And she was a really nice person, I can't complain their.
The problem is I could have done something else with myself today rather then feeling horny all day. And yes the money could be used elsewhere but it's just a crappy addiction feeling horny and just unlike most guys they would probably just fap or something else while myself I go to the escort sites.
Also I've dabbled into massage parlors.
I just feel I've been losing. My mind isn't thinking correctly. I have made some great improvements since when I first got here that's true.
I'm thinking when I find a girlfriend that'll be the end. Also I'm just so careful on who I want for a girlfriend. I'm not in a hurry since I'm still young. But I'm still looking. I just don't get laid as much as Id like. Sometimes it happens. But its not that often so. Anyways
Maybe I need to start hitting the gym. Take it out on the weights. I've also been going to the bars, drinking a lot. And yes I am enjoying my time out but maybe I ought to slow or cut back on the drinking aswell. I only do it to be loose when I'm out.
So yes I need to do better things with myself.
Maybe I'll have to visit SA meetings. I wasn't a big fan of the phones though. Anyhow
I am doing alright, just been off track a little, tomorrow going to go to work and that will keep me busy so I'll be fine. Anyways i appreciate others out here for reading and supporting me as well.

 

@GA93JDeereboy - I think you have to build a great life in other healthy areas, so you don't want to numb and escape.

Also, if you are drinking and going to bars, your sleep is going to suffer and you're going to wake up feeling not great and wanting to numb to feel better.

SA phone meetings made me very depressed. There are people on those calls that have committed crimes. Assuming you are not one of those people, there is no need (in my opinion) to hang out there.

I also have an escort problem and I know it's tough to get out when you are in the midst of it. But living our best lives is the only way out. Good luck dude.

 

I am beggining to peek again after 3 days ago I reach to 90 days.. really don’t want to keep doing it then leading me to really relapse.. I peek and then I quickly click it off… got to keep my streak
Going

 

what's causing you to want to peek?