[90-CHALLENGE] THE NINETY DAYS CHALLENGE !

I relapsed im starting again from 0/90

 

Day 72/90 completed (L3)

 

Day 5!!!

 

I relapsed im starting again 0 /90

 

70 days .

 

Day 14. A very near fall today. Familiar triggers, I should have been more careful.

 

Wow, I heard now so often about this book. Just yesterday and I,m also working on my daily habits.

I often notice, that when you write, you are in the " victim role". I would recommend you the book " No more Mr. Nice guy" from that what you write. It,s about masculinity, sexuality and also getting out of the victim role. If it,s nothing for you, just ignore my message.

Day 12.
I had one of the biggest jumps in my personality development yesterday. Because I,m I'll right now I,m going often to meetup.com and going to some zoom conferences and I could talk their about all my feelings with other men and also about my sexual shame and that I,m fapping. It made me realy free, to talk to open about that. Also I notice, that talking about it with the right group makes you free if you allow your feelings to be. So my complexes are reduced now. I will do it often now and burn them down.

 

Flatline on Day 6 and 7

 

@Bijuu107 Its definitely worth a read. It's £1.99 on kindle so certainly worth a punt.

Day 15 still Trying to understand my addiction to only fans site. The women on the site stand for pretty much everything I hold in contempt yet like an idiot I keep coming back for more. Don't get me wrong I don't pay but still the time I spend on there is time that could be spent more productively more or less anywhere. I really don't know what is wrong with me. in some of cases the women are alluring and charming as they are supposed to be and are easy to be beguiled by. However, a lot of them behave like a bunch of Female Harvey Weinstein's. They seem to think that it's sexy to repeatedly ask you to show your penis to them whilst getting more and more aggressive with each request, without any prompting from me what so ever. Why do they think it's sexy? I have in the past on first sight of a woman, thought to myself " wow I would love to see her naked", or " I would love to have sex with her" but I can honestly say I never have looked at a women and thought "wow I would love to show her my penis"

Anyway if someone else came to me with this problem I would say "for God's sake block the women concerned and forget it" or " stop being an idiot and get yourself well away from the site" it's just such a bizarre addiction. I can only suppose that it's just my misplaced curiosity in the sense of being desperate to find out what on earth they are going to do next?

Why is it so much easier to guide other people than it is to guide oneself?

 

Day 23

 

2/90 My anxiety has finally dissipated. I'm feeling much better and feel I will get back into my groove again.

 

Day 14

 

Day 12

 

day 0 ,this time i am going to make it

 

62/90

 

What you wrote hit me hard, i felt offended.
I didnt notice that im playing the victim role. Im sure that i speek the truth about my feelings. When i feel good, you can sense the positivity in my words, the same when im sad.
Maybe you are right! Ill read the book, thanks.

 

Day 15,

Late last night i woke up horny and was about to fall.
Im proud of myself that i hold on.
But im not satisfied and i feel frustrated.
Im not a nice guy, though i might seem to be.
This idea bothers me.

 

Day 9

 

Only fans girls are attracting because they act very accesible, not like a real hooker, but some one who could be your supportive girl friend, mr Rollo of rationale male explained it in one of his youtube. Unlike most real women who are super demanding before they really like a men.

 

@nfpexperiment
With some of the girls it's definitely the case. Some of them are very charming, personable and fun. But a lot of them act as if their subscribers are the entertainers and that they are their customers. I find it incredible that they expect their customer do something for nothing for which they would expect to get paid good money for.
For example one of them messaged me with this post "send me the naughtiest 10 sec vid you can..I want to watch you while I get giggly" if I asked her to do that, she would expect at least 30 bucks. Really unprofessional . It's like a chef saying to their customer ",I'm hungry can you please cook me a meal"