I’m waiting for death

Because of hope. I promise you that we can ALL find our reasons to kill ourselves as well, every single human being. It is just hope, hope that things get better and having experienced that they do. Life is an experience with bad stuff and good stuff in it, we can literally make what we want of it. Perhaps this version of you is doomed, well, that can change, your life can be different. Friedrich Nietzsche wrote that you must be ready to burn yourself in your own flame; how could you rise anew if you have not first become ashes? But this is metaphorical and does not means suicide; the burning is the counting of the days, the struggle to superate our addiction, exposing ourselves to the hardships of life so that they can change us into the man we are meant to become, and that man has no face yet and is not known, do not kill that man whom you have not yet met.

 

Thanks for sharing.

 

Yo estoy pasando por lo mismo solo el porno me da unos minutos de placer... pero comencé nofap por primera vez hace 2 semanas y no pienso vencerme tan fácil esta siendo bastante duro pero cuando me llegan eso deseo de pmo vengo a qui y veo relato de personas y entiendo de donde viene mi problema y eso me ayuda estoy decidido a cambiar de vida y créeme que mi cerebro solo me pide ir a ver un video de una mujer conocida que se está mastubando pero he resistido y espero continuar asi

 

You can do this! We all can!

 

Man you need to take your mind of what your trying to do stop obsessing and just let it happen. I used to be fixed on days and streaks all the while forcing it to be constantly on my mind. That shit leads right back to OCD compulsion to watch porn. Do something else free your damn mind. Porn is so pathetic man once you channel your concentration in a healthier productive way you really begin to see that

I built myself a high spec computer and have been spending countless hours optimizing it and working with programs and a good bid of video gaming.

I'm also big into exercise always have been which i will be getting back into focusing on cardio at one point improving my cardiovascular and diet then weight training. You feel better look better build discipline focus and a healthier mindset.


Another hobby I have is horticulture watching something grow and take life ,micro managing and enjoying a fruitful harvest I enjoy the process.

I also enjoy carpentry and watching something take shape and many other interests. Which I hope to improve on .

But these are just an example. Since I've focused myself I could give less of a fuck about days . They pass much easier before I know it 4 days have passed .

You "NEED" to redirect your focus INTO something productive, positive and healthy something that will get you back to "REAL" life. Porn is just a bottomless cesspit. Do yourself a favor.

 

Its almost scary how much I feel the same way you do. The feeling that no one cares and no one will cry when i die. I had a small group of friends recently who just forgot me like a grain of sand in the wind. Friendship that had lasted through 3 years just disappearing in a week (my choice of absence). I am no philosopher and im not going to quote some dead dude. You are definitely not alone with how you feel and I can guarantee you that. I don't really have a fix for any of it either, but suicide I have found to be a pointless activity for what you are trying to solve. You want a way out of the shit you've been dealt, so ill give you a simple answer that helped me and what I'd tell myself back then.

Stop worrying about things that don't matter. People will always be shit in the end. Its not like Hollywood 95% of the time.

For the longest time during Junior High and early high school I was a real bad porn addict, I would only do it for the hit never the porn itself (3+ times a day). That should've been where I had called it off and started to fix myself but no, it took a long time until i realized how bad it had gotten. I was never bullied, picked on, or any of it. I wish I was to be honest, maybe I would be inspired with a martial art or something but nah. Years had started to pass in which I can no longer remember to this day. I was a husk of a human, if i had been run over shot or stabbed my soul wouldn't have left my body since there was nothing there in the first place. Only when one of my pets had died is when i realized how bad it was, It was taken in for an infection and died the same day in surgery. What I had been doing that day was hit after hit after hit until I was given the call of what had happened. Looking into the clouds I saw what I wanted to be, stronger for something like this to ever happen again. A week had passed and I now had returned to the addiction but with a different mission in mind. I wanted to be free and clear minded.
During my latter half of high school I would start to just walk out last period, I think it was guitar class and on some days I would leave at lunch.
No one in this life really does care, when the councilors used to call me down and try and interrogate me on why I was missing I would never lie. I told them I am tired and wanted to leave early. Which sounds like a red flag but they didn't really care. This really did make my high school time better since I would just do what I wanted for a time. All that people would do back then is worry about this assignment and that assignment. Oh no i missed 3rd period what was the work that I missed? Mrs Johnson could I please be given a second chance at the homework? Shit like that, and it used to just annoy me.
Then they that very year I had somehow passed with the bare minimum of effort. Then next year came with the start of covid and they ended up just passing everyone. So again in retrospect, it did not matter if i had slept through the meetings and video calls.
Then I had moved into a new state and was starting college, I had at this point really found no interest in video games or the people I was talking to. So yet again I made a change for the better, and to be honest I'm glad I stopped talking to those people because again, in retrospect they did not care either since I never received one text or call.
There will be people in your life that will not care, friends, family, and lovers. They live in their own heads and most likely will not have a real tear shed on their deaths either. Someone had said on this forum that most people live in their own egomaniac narcissistic lifestyles. Leading to them not caring about others, and doing things that are not best for them in turn.
I couldn't live like that anymore, the constant urge to fulfill my carnal desires and living a life that has no meaning to me. That is what is important, is it meaningful to you.

You may not change for a while, and you will feel that way for a long time. Maybe you need something bad to happen like for me to wake up. But idk you do what you want to, I know it does get better when you start doing the things you want to and not what you feel like doing (pmo, talking to those you dont want to, and fake lovers).

side note
Why do you care about your ex?
Do you want to feel better?

 

I understand your despair bro, but there is a question that I want to ask you: Is that true that you are completely doomed? Can you say to yourself (not to us but to your conscience), being brutally honest, that there is no more else you can do? Or maybe it's a convenient speech that you tell to yourself so you can avoid the pain of the fight?

Really, I understand you very well because I tell to myself those things. Currently not that much, but I have this kind of pessimistic impulse, so to speak. And even in the worst moments I was wrong, there is always something that can be done. Almost all of the times I was being coward, and in the times that nothing could be done, it wasn't such a big deal eventually.

Keep fighting mate, to live is to fight.

 

There’s is no such thing as a painless suicide, nor a painless death actually. Whenever somebody takes their own live, humanity as a whole loses.

 

What kind of advice is this?

 

Okay, let me tell you something, my man: there is no such thing as painless death, and we will never know what it feels like. People who truly intend to commit suicide will not bother seeking attention. According to your remarks, you want to be joyful again. I can see you don't actually want to kill yourself, but you do want to stop all of your misery. The feedback loop from hell is driving you insane with all of your overthinking and self-judgment. I'll never know how much you suffered, but I know you went through SOME TOUGH SH*T yet chose to keep fighting. I swear to God, I remember being in the worst situation in my life and feeling like my life was over. My heart was collapsing. I didn't weep, but I chuckled, and I continued gazing in the glass, telling myself, "This stuff will never get me," since I'd been enjoying fixing my issues since that day. Each difficulty at a time, I don't lay on my bed and cry over it; instead, I fucking get up and analyze it, breaking it down into parts to determine where the problem is, and then I can enjoy tickling the fuck out of the problems. Fuck your ex, who is she to rule your mind? She hates you and you love her, that nonsense doesn't work, anyone who hates you hate them back, that's what my father used to say me when I was obsessed with the fact that my highschool CRUSH didn't like me. but instead utilized me to cheat her on all of her exams It's terrible to focus on nofap a lot. What I mean is that when we become obsessed with nofap, we tend to evaluate our acts in an unhealthy way, and we begin to blame everything on nofap. Nofap may be a wonderful thing, but it can also be a harmful thing, depending on how you use it. All that counts now is that you start living your new life, make it happen, and good luck. Even if I don't know you, everyone in the darn world, universe, and the matrix itself has my respect when they're attempting to change for the better, and they're already winning. I hope I snagged something in your thoughts.

 

You have to stop looking at everything bad in your life. Take a moment to realize every little thing you have. People will come and go and that’s a fact. If they don’t want you you can’t have them and it’s hard as a human because our brain is reluctant to let things go. Stop looking at rain as darkness and darkness as night. Look at the darkness as a new beginning. There have been plenty of times where I’ve felt like it pointless but everyday is a new day. Stop counting the days hours minutes and seconds. Right now your brain is controlling you. You must control it. Everyone finds their true selves in despair when everything comes out. Right now you need to reach down inside and really ask yourself what your plan is. Your not gonna fold you won’t quit your brain won’t let you as we know. So get up, prove to yourself and only yourself that yes you can do it. Life will crush you if you let it. I have faith you will find yourself regardless of what you think. It’s going to happen except it. I have faith in you. It means nothing through text but something in the heart. Believe in yourself you got one life and are destine for better things you weren't made for waste like so many others. Get up.