Journal for only documenting types of faced urges.

I'll only be including urges and their nature in this journal. This won't be a daily diary kind of journal as I want to explore and study the state of my mind and the urges I face.

 

Day 02/Undecided A brief diversion from my current task and thinking about a porn scene for a couple seconds.

Nature of scene:- a short clip being recalled by my mind.
Duration:- a 3-8 second loop.
Nature of the scene:-

Spoiler: potential triggers

violent, hard and includes infidelity

Nature of the urge:- mild, easily avoidable.

 

Thanks. I won't forget this site easily as I log in here daily to maintain my streak in various challenges/events and I always post a reply on them everyday. However, If in case I forget to log in for a day I don't think I'll get rid of urges that easily. The world is filled with double meaning jokes, songs or references in all sorts of media. There's movies and Tv shows filled with mature scenes. There are actors so show cleavage to gain social exposure. I don't think they are totally avoidable, so urges will keep on rising and so I'll be keeping by journal updated. I hope I stay strong when the urges emerge.

 

I wish you good luck for your journey too bro. Stay strong.

 

Day 03/Undecided
Just while waking up a porn clip was recalled by my brain for 30 seconds or so, after waking up I shift my focus to daily chores.

Type of scene:- a short video clip 07-09 seconds in a loop. It included an audible dialogue. I could hear the dialogue very clearly with every word being pronounced as it was said in that particular accent.
Nature of the scene:-

Spoiler: may be potential triggers

it involved visual coitus, had first person point of view, had graphic nudity and involved incest

Nature of the urge:- No urge, just a brief recalling of memory by my mind.

 

I feel lucky that I'm currently only on a 3 day streak. Three days, is it an extremely successful feat? NO. When you constantly think about how low your streak number is and how the other members of the community have endured for so long, you feel like you've done nothing. This feeling that I want to achieve a big number keeps me motivated for maintaining my streak.

There are other factors too, like the motivation for change, but I don't know how strong my willpower is. It's just a competitive spirit and hunger for a greater streak which keeps me raging me to walk forward no matter what the urges feel like. I haven't experienced anything the people with big streaks have witnessed. It gets harder as the day counter starts to rise. Three days is nothing, mild urges and not a lot of temptations.

I fear about what will happen once I climb onto a greater, more higher day count. It would be so tempting yet disturbing to see that big number fall back to 0. Back to where it all began. I'm afraid.

 

Indeed! It helps me examine and keep track of my urges. It would be helpful to track my recovery in a long run.