Is it weird that I never had a gf before?

No, its not weird. I didnt have a GF until I was 28. I was a virgin until I was 28. Am I a nerd? you freaking betcha. But even nerds, get a GF eventually. Stop looking for supermodels. You dont want them anyway. Look for smart women.

 

I have 2 ex GF's. Both of them smart. One moved to another city to become a programmer, before it could become very serious, the other took my virginity, and we dated for 4 months, until her clinical depression became too much for us both. Both of them nerds. Both of them creative and talented. Both of them very shy, introverted, yes a little overweight, but beautiful as far as im concerned.

But beware, neither of those relationships helped me stop porn. It just introduced me to what the real thing is like. And its much much better than porn could ever be. I am working on improving myself before I can get back into another relationship, and ultimately a long term relationship.

 

Lack of real sex was NOT the reason for my porn addiction. I thought it was. I fooled myself into thinking thats why. The reason is deeper. Its like a drug addiction. Even in a relationship, you cant be having sex 24/7. In my case it was only on weekends, because it was sort of a long distance relationship, well 50 miles long distance. But when I was alone, and felt like crap, the dopamine release gave me an instant momentary high which I thought helped with my depression. Heck, half the time I was stressed because of how difficult relationships are, and because my GF was clinically depressed and I couldn't make her happy, and she didnt know why she was unhappy herself, and this made me fap even more to "fight my stress". In reality it made me even more depressed and stressed.

This thing is just like an addiction to cocaine or alcohol. Thats the most important thing to realize. Its even similar chemically in the brain. Its literally a drug. Watch the Ted Talks, "The Great Porn Experiment" on youtube.

 

I've never had a girlfriend either and I'm 24. Don't feel bad. I think the difference between you and I, though, is I WANT one. I really think a healthy sexual relationship is conducive to heightened self-esteem, self-worth and happiness in general. It doesn't have to be the central focus of your life. But every man on this forum should at least have females and sex and romance in their peripheral vision.

 

So the emotions of the other person do not matter because they didn't get married in a church and it's not cheating even if a couple are in an exclusive relationship? Because they didn't stand before God these people don't deserve respect and consideration? If I chose not to believe in God would that mean that I loose the right to have a monogamous relationship? This is not an attack but maybe you should think about what you say before you say it.

 

@Zein Hamad

In my experience as well, no, real sex alone is not a solution to PMO addiction. I started dating my first girlfriend when I was 21. I continued to use and it created tension in our relationship. I married her when I was 23 and I still continued my old habits and it continued to cause issues.

Like @Gene said, you can't have sex 24/7. My porn-infected mind wanted it all the time. That is simply not realistic. No, in my experience, treating the underlying cause is the only way to stop the behavior, not simply replacing it with something else. It will come back to bite you, every time.

@Powerof3, I am going to help drive your point home if you don't mind. I am married, do not follow any religion, do not go to church, and do not believe in the God that has human emotions. Therefore, my God, which is something much greater than we can even fathom, does not need to approve of my marriage; my marriage, as well as I, am inconsequential to such a deity. My marriage is a pact made between myself and my wife, witnessed by a JP to make it legal (as far as the State is concerned). We got married on a beach (not in a church) and I said vows to my wife, made a commitment to her. I did not say vows or make commitments to a group of other people or to any other entity other than her.

So, Zein, are you saying that if my wife cheated on me, I do not have the right to be upset? That our marriage does not have to be respected because it did not take place in a church building in front of other church-goers? That either of us can do whatever we want because the God in which you believe did not bless our marriage? I happen to disagree and I believe my wife would as well.

You are definitely entitled to your own opinions, but please realize there are those who will disagree with them. You may even hurt others by expressing those opinions. I am more thick-skinned than that and I realize you have your own opinions, but as Power said, please think about how you express them.

Good luck in your recovery, brother. And I hope you find the exact match you need in a woman. Yes, she is out there somewhere. Good luck finding her.

 

Am 24 average looking guy....I never had any relationship and I am still virgin...I liked 2-3 earlier during my school and college days but I made no serious efforts to be in a relationship with them...started PMO at an early age of 12 I think this addiction made me occupied and never made me chasing girls..since I started nofap I want to be in relationship..

 

To answer the OP, in my personal matter of opinion i wouldn't think so really.

I've been close but never successful to having a 'partner' a couple of times if not exactly a girlfriend but a 'intimate friend' which could later turn into a girlfriend possibly but for the most part despite my own feelings i have had to decline because they don't fit into the workable scheme of my own life in making it happen and the circumstances between us. Reading it back i make it sound like it's all about me, but i am trying to do the 'right' thing, i know that they can move on and forget about it and i take reassurance in that.

I am still a virgin, sometimes i've had opportunities to change that but once again i have to keep declining. One such reason from memory was because of social politics, and i did not need the hassle at the time (In a tight knit social group of very late secondary schoolers between men and women such imbalance could be a disaster) as my generation say's "don't put your D in crazy" for all you oldies out there and for the most part it's kept me out of harms way of bad situations and potential STD's.

Some people have claimed that i could be gay as a reason, i don't hide the fact that i do have some intimate interest in men, but i would not really develop a conventional relationship with them either. For the most part being a lonely child for collegues, has made me a tad bit clingy and more reserved about what i think of people, but also it helps me cope on my own. My sexual needs continue to frustrate me however and i guess thats why im here.

 

It's not weird. I am 23 and an above average looking guy with a good personality.
Why I didn't have a GF?? Because I am lazy and masturbating to porn seems easier than getting a girlfriend and not to mention those complex relationship. Complex relationship remind me of a funny incident. I actually had a girlfriend for like a week or so. I accidentally called her a timepass and the aftermath of which is I am still single.Feel bad about calling her a timepass now. I am not here to only get rid of PMO but also objectifying a women habit.

 

I am 24 and have never had a girl friend. You're lucky I lost my virginity to a prostitute because I thought that would cure my problem with porn. I can tell you that it wont. Yea its not a big deal the media would like you to think it is but its not. You're not alone.

 

I can resonate with this line of thought.