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withdrawal journal

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by fisherman9009, Jan 7, 2022.

  1. fisherman9009

    fisherman9009 Fapstronaut

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    Hi guys so I quit fapping and watching porn around Oct 25. So its been around 60 days.

    This week, for whatever reason, my anxiety has become extremely bad. And for no real reason either. Im not really stressed about anything. It just comes out of nowhere. Im pretty sure this is from porn withdrawal because for the past many years when I was using I NEVER would get panic attacks. And now I am having one every day.

    I also have a mild but noticeable dizziness. And I notice my scalp feels warm and is incredibly itchy. Im also not getting any real enjoyment from anything..

    It is not all bad. I can sleep better. I no longer feel angry all the time. I don't feel tired all the time anymore either.

    I think my withdrawal is lasting long because I was a heavy user basically all of my life. I did quit once for 2 years a long time ago and I remember having really bad anxiety during that time as well.
     
  2. fisherman9009

    fisherman9009 Fapstronaut

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    You’re right… I was watching Harry Potter tonight and started crying when Dobby died. Was the weirdest thing ever but it felt so good
     
    Mauritius and WildEntheology like this.
  3. Do you think this is a result of your withdrawal or do you think it's a reality that's contributing to your adverse health condition?
     
    WildEntheology likes this.
  4. StealthxRaptor

    StealthxRaptor Fapstronaut

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    Hard Mode since October 23rd, 2021 for me so very close to you in time span of abstinence. Anxiety rules my everyday life. I feel it in my core. Sleep all the time except when my body says you’ve had enough sleep now and won’t let me. Little to no appetite, only eating a small meal everyday around dinner now. Panic attacks in low-medium intensity occur every so often. Mind becomes paranoid, afraid of dying and people I love dying. Depression and sadness envelopes because I know there’s nothing I can do about it. Concentration goes to zero except on the phobias and sadness. Worse yet, I am a type 1 diabetic for 27 years now and I fear organ failure. Just trying to hang in there and await the day this all goes away.
     
  5. VinceLaCroix

    VinceLaCroix Fapstronaut

    Good job reaching two months. But that, my friend, is just a prelude to a long struggle that might go on and on. 60 days is a lot, but not enough to recover, not even 90 or 200 days is enough in some cases. Don't count the days, keep away from PMO forever.
     
  6. StealthxRaptor

    StealthxRaptor Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I’ve had a psychiatrist for years now, and he’s aware of the problem. I also have OCD (treated with meds), GAD (generalized anxiety disorder), and Major Depression stemming from my Type 1 Diabetes. I also have a Primary Care Physician, who is also aware of the problem. Thx for the concern though!
     
  7. fisherman9009

    fisherman9009 Fapstronaut

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    Another weird thing I have going on is this feeling of loneliness. Normally I am antisocial and hate people. This week, especially today, I just feel really lonely. I want to go out and talk to people.. which isn't really like me
     
    OhWhenThe, rp007 and Empty Red Cloud like this.
  8. If we're being honest, most people these days, in the age of social media, don't exactly have many redeeming qualities.
     
    WesternWolf and Empty Red Cloud like this.
  9. fisherman9009

    fisherman9009 Fapstronaut

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    I have this exact same anxiety. I wouldn't say its ruling my life but I can tell my body is very tense. I usually get mostly anxious when it is time to eat. My stomach gets very tight and I can not eat very fast. I usually have to go very slowly bite by bite. I can tell my body is under a lot of stress. It will pass. I know this is porn related because the entire time I used I never had anxiety like this. And after 60 days I think my brain is either freaking out or rewiring and its throwing my body a little out of wack. Like that paws I read in another thread
     
  10. StealthxRaptor

    StealthxRaptor Fapstronaut

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    Yeah I know that feeling! Many times I have felt it! It’s like a release from the pain that withdrawal or illness causes! It’s so relieving for a little while. Like the room was void of oxygen and all of a sudden it filled up with fresh and you can breathe again! Like your innocent side shines through for a moment! It’s great!
     
    Empty Red Cloud likes this.
  11. fisherman9009

    fisherman9009 Fapstronaut

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    yes that's exactly how it felt. like some innocent side of me I forgot about was coming out.

    when I was watching porn my world view was very dark and very one sided.. I didn't really know that at the time but after recovering you look at everything very differently. There more to life than just sex. I feel that's one reason my anxiety has been bad too, everything seems so different. Im feeling all these feelings and emotions im not used to. It makes myself and my body uncomfortable. But its a good thing. It feels good. Its just scary. Its like taking a step off the moon lander. Thats how I feel about it. Its a scary new world
     
  12. fisherman9009

    fisherman9009 Fapstronaut

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    I am wondering do any of you also just feel very bored? Now that my day isn't filled with fapping or trying to sext people all day I find I don't know what to do with myself. I am very bored. And kind of just sit here. Im going to start working out soon but I had covid last week so I can't really do much physical activity right now
     
    StealthxRaptor likes this.
  13. Life Project

    Life Project Fapstronaut

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    Like someone mentioned, you need to find new habits to fill your life. It's not just putting off the old, but putting on the new. Essentially, you need to make your reality better than what pmo can offer. For me, it's working out, reading, studying, and doing better at my job. All of these things bring great value and a sense of accomplishment to your life. It doesn't have to be these. What do you like to do? Hang out with family, friends, loved ones. Find and grind a new hobby. Literally anything is better than pmo. Try to fill as much of your time as possible. Idleness is the worst thing to be in on this journey.
     
    fisherman9009 likes this.
  14. Life Project

    Life Project Fapstronaut

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    To comment on OP's comments. I can 100% relate to you on a deep level. Flatline/withdrawals are real and they suck ass. Definitely goes to show that pmo is a insidious drug that is eradicating our minds from the inside out. I hope your symptoms get better. Hang in there. We're here for you, we're cheering you on. I've dealt with a lot of insomnia, feeling really down, nervousness, and anxiety these last few weeks. We got this! It'll be worth it soon.
     
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  15. fisherman9009

    fisherman9009 Fapstronaut

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    so today I am feeling very anxious again. Very much in my stomach. A lot of tightness, almost like a cramp, and like a butterfly like feeling. Almost a heartburn feeling only right below my ribcage and solar plexus area. I read anxiety can cause excess stomach acid to be released so that's probably what it is. It sucks to eat. It makes me not want to eat. But when I force myself to eat I feel a lot better. Almost like I faced my anxiety down or something. When I did nofap many years ago I went through this same thing. Really bad stomach pain and pressure. I even went to the ER many years ago when I had one of my first panic attacks and the doctor told me it was just anxiety and its all in my head. Which he was right. So im just going to continue to go through with this day by day
     
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2022
  16. fisherman9009

    fisherman9009 Fapstronaut

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    So I am on around day 70 now and I have begun to like things I didn’t really like before. I also find myself remembering memories I previously forgot such as playing Spyro as a kid so I’ve been watching Spyro on YouTube. I also started really liking nfl football and I haven’t watched football in like 4 years
    I feel very much like an entirely different person. My overall anxiety has lowered. I do still get chest tightness and chest pressure occasionally but it passes. Overall happier and find the side effects of nofap slowly going away
     
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  17. fisherman9009

    fisherman9009 Fapstronaut

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    It’s roughly day 80ish I would say. For the most part the extreme anxiety is gone. I still feel my body is under stress but I don’t get much panic attacks anymore. My Appetite is back. I feel more “balanced” idk how to explain it but that’s just how I feel. Social anxiety isn’t really a thing anymore I chat it up with everyone now without thinking about it. I haven’t had many urges. I haven’t really had an erection in a while either I’m pretty dead down there right now. When I wake up in the morning and try to fall back asleep I get really bad thoughts. Thoughts about dying and people I love dying, all kind of crazy stuff. It goes away when I get up. I also am struggling with confidence. Mostly confidence with finding a career. I feel very confident in talking to people now but very low confidence in other aspects of my life. When I was using porn I was always a very confident person and felt very “safe” all the time. It was like a Blanket so to speak that has been ripped off and I am now metaphorically naked. And I am struggling to fill that hole with something. I am trying to learn how to exist without this crutch and this thing that would take up all my time. It is a very strange feeling not knowing what to do with yourself. I feel like I am in a state of free fall and I haven’t touched the ground yet. But I am much much happier than I have been during any time of this reboot or using porn. I smile a lot more, I laugh a lot more, I feel way more emotions, I feel a great bond with my gf that I didn’t previously
     
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  18. rp007

    rp007 Fapstronaut

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    Hang in there buddy, I wish you all the best for your future. You're gonna make it!
     
    fisherman9009 likes this.
  19. I'm glad your feeling much better. I hope to make it to where you are now. I struggle with anxiety too. Although since starting NoFap and started taking ashwagandha I've had less extreme anxiety. I've also been getting into Stoicism, which has also been helping me stay in the present and not worry so much about my past or future. Also, try to avoid caffeine if you can. I find my anxiety getting worse when consuming caffeine. Keep Going man, and don't give up. We're here to support you.
     
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  20. fisherman9009

    fisherman9009 Fapstronaut

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    Not Sure what day im on now but its between 80 and 90 I would say. Anxiety has been more controllable. The biggest thing is my digestion is all fucked up right now. I was reading dopamine levels really have a huge effect on digestion and your gut. Im wondering if doing nofap has affected my digestion temporarily. Especially because im in a HUGE flatline right now. I haven't had an erection in I can't even tell you how long. The only way I can get one is if my gf touches me. We have sex every few days and it works, but I can tell im still not myself.
    The digestion thing has made it hard to eat a lot. Im only eating around 1000 calories a day right now. I just get very gassy and bloated and feel full and when I go to the bathroom I have diarrhea a lot. I never had any of this before nofap so im pretty sure that's what its from.
    Around 6 years ago I did nofap for over 3 years and I had a very similar thing happen when I was withdrawing and in the same exact stages. It started with extreme anxiety which went away then trouble eating for a while which went away. So I think im just on that same track. My stomach and everything could also just still be messed up from the extreme anxiety I was having all last week. I read anxiety also messes with your digestion. The anxiety was so bad my stomach would hurt. So I could still just be recovering... overall though im still much happier than when I was doing pmo. My relationship with my gf is much better and im happy that I can talk to her about all of this
     
    Last edited: Jan 27, 2022
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