Sexual arousal

Well, I took another look and luckily they had a transript in the comments, so I was able to simply read it.
But it does not tell me something new. It says, that sex (or sexual actions) are more pleasurable when done in connection with specific other feelings (if I understoofd that correctly).
Well, for some people that might be true and I also though about wheter that might be true for me too and possibly sometimes it also is. Though often it is not, most times it's more like my romantic feelings compete with my sexula urges (or maybe only with my fetishes).

If I'd have to include that urges into my live, doing this by finding a way to connect them to that feelings might be worth a try. Though at the moment I got different things to try first, that are not compatible with that try.

 

Yesterday evening, I was half asleep, I got caught by some fetish thoughts, being unable to resist. As in those phantasies I'm not allowed to cum ro masturbate I first didn't. That thing driving me crazy and also being boring, because there's no point beyond this point, made me decide to stop the phantasy and sleep without having had an orgasm.
Though my body had a different opinion. As soon as I decided not to come, I somehow forced an orgasm without masturbation the same way I did it so often before.
I came in a very intensive orgasm.
After some time then the feeling of abuse set back in and I was very sad about having such intensive phantasies, that burn themself into my mind.

 

Yesterday evening I was so aroused like I haven't bin for a longer time. I had fetish thoughts and nearly an orgasm, but I managed not to cum.
I had a bad night, no good sleep (maybe because I sleeped with the head on my mobile phone charge cable, which I forgot there). Woke up tomorrow, first having not much thoughts anyway, but then sliding in some fetish thoughts again. I came without masturbation. Had that feeling of abuse afterwards again.

 

Again. I first imagined a situation in which I somehow demonstrated masturbation (yeah, weird, I know, but I was half asleep when that thoughts came into my mind). For this I thought of a suitable fetish phantasie, as all olders were to boring and I imagined myself not being in the mood to fap without fetish. Unfortunartly I then worked that phantasie out, got caught in it and came without masturbation.

 

Now I fapped due to fetish thoughts. More or less intentionally. No bad feeling afterwards, maybe because I kept it short.

 

Well for me it gets less strong if I supress it. Though it doesn't disappear and returns after some time.

I talked about this a few posts over this one. I definitly do not want to share that with anyone and atm I'm quite sure that would only make things worse.

That won't be possible. I can see possible triggers everywhere and even removing the obvious ones would not make much of a difference.

That's true. Though I can't stay in public always, that simply doesn't work.
Though maybe it gets easier when I can be together with that girl I like for a longer time.

 

I fapped three times in the last two weeks.
But when it comes, then it comes multiple times in a row.

I know that. And although I have very much, I don't manage to avid it. Especially when I'm nearly asleep it's hard.

The thing is, that I'm even telling myself to not get to orgasm while I'm on a way to orgasm. Rarly I even manage to avoid it them, but the urge simply is too strong.

Sure there's resistance. When I notice thoughts getting into my mind and realize it, I'm trying to avoid them, to push them away.

More yes then no. ThDepends on how much goes. Just fetish or also other things, that might be connected to arousal?

Yeah, they probably are.

Lol, what?!
You know what triggers me? Me, myself, people, words, actions, ... I could not participate in live if I'd remove enough triggers. No series, no walking outside the house, no online life, ...

It's literally already about a few times a monts instead of a few times a day, so...
And fapping istelf is not the problem (though it got annoying now that the amounts of ejaculate are big enough to make my pants dirty). The problem are the thoughts and the mental state that are often connected to autoerotic activity.

 

Fapped to an aesthetic image. Seems to be pleasurable. No real fetish thoughts, so no feeling of abusal, jay!

 

A jerk posted a picture of a hot girl while I was already aroused. I managed to get away from it, but then it popped up in my mind again.
I fapped, having fetish thoughts. Pleausrable, but slight feeling of abusal afterwards.

A second time today. fetish thoughts again. Againg after seeing someone more or less attractive and still being annoyed by discharge.

 

Another one. To not that extreme fetish stories. Did not feel that bad.
EDIT:
Another time, because I had that feeling after the first time and tried to get it again after I lost it (maybe because I played computer in my dark room while the sun was shining, instead of seizing that feeling, don't know).
I don't think that it returns, but at least now the annoying feeling of void is gone.

 

Another time. Maybe I should stop documenting this, gets somehow annoying. Though maybe that's a key to getting rid of it.

 

Another time. I had a strange mental state and it seemed to be a good idea. And it truely did feel more pleasurable and less abusive than usual.
EDIT:
Another time later, similiar reason.

 

This time in the evening. I hate when I'm so tired, that I can realize, that I don't won't, but cannot accomplish it, cause my thoughts just go back to the topic again and again.
Not pleasureable, slight abusive. And kept me awake longer.

 

Fapped to afteish story because this discharge aroused me again.

 

another one at evening in bed. No masturbation. A heavy one, made me very exhausted. Though felt bad after some time.

 

I did it again. I somehow decided to do that intentionally.
One fast time because of that annoying discharge and dysphoria. Dysphoria disappeared, at least for short time.

 

Today morning without masturbation. It was neither much pleasurable nor much arousing, I don't even know how I trapped intoit.