Accountability for All

Day 1 of no porn starting today. Just really tired of always thinking "I'll start tomorrow" or coming up with dumb excuses as to why it's "OK" for me to watch porn today. The negative effect porn has had on me is quite severe, even cost me a relationship with an amazing woman several years ago. Still haven't been able to stop, despite it all. But no more. I don't want this pain and shame anymore. I'm quitting starting today, and I'll check in here at least every Monday. Stay strong brothers and sisters.

 

Okay did well today serious recovery from covid-19 om8cron, but I didn't get anything done. I did review my yellow book just now remembering all my screw-ups and then I really have to say there's something about the porn today that is this plain wrong....
It's clear that the people in porn were bred and trained to actually be sex addicts from the beginning and it's just sex addicts in a luring way, and then trapping other sex addicts like me.... I got clear that my acting out is not just like I want to escape my addiction but I got clear of that porn itself is wrong with the motivation of addiction, not different than crystal meth...
For me this is so helpful in terms of this black thread of something that coerces me into acting out again...
It is me of course my own mind but it is not separable from something that I have needed to see is wrong.
Thanks hangin.... Long ass post I know

 

Check In. Almost ten days since my last streak. My personal life has taken a stride lately but it has helped me get on track towards abstinence from PMO.

 

Checking in!

 

Day 52

#total_new_habits = 8
#days_of_new_habits = 23/40

It is threatening me
=============

That is one of the killer weapons of the addiction .. that addicted part is suffering now .. burning without no wood to keep it .. fading away .. and now what does it do? .. it fights for its own wood .. and one way to do it is to threaten me with bigger problems than the addiction if the addiction is not fulfilled .. what are these problems? .. thinking of close relative women and neighbors .. saying .. "if you do not give me what I want, I will make you feel uncomfortable with them. I will make you ask for them. I will push you towards them. I will leak out to your own world of friends and family. So, give me what I want !!" .. here is the problem "myself": you think you have control over me .. your only strength is when I believe you .. once I stopped believing you .. you are a barking dog with no teeth .. and nothing else .. you are under my control .. and you are not going to make me do anything .. I will see your fire fading away .. I will see how the water of peace and calmness kills your fire .. With you giving me hard time, I will just smile at you and keep doing what I am doing .. you are not part of me anymore .. your wishes are dismissed and not granted anymore .. go find someone else to satisfy you .. it is closed here ..


"Come, come, whoever you are. Wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. It doesn't matter. Ours is not a caravan of despair"

[/QUOTE]

 

Great updates. I find the first three days difficult always, forgetting that it gets easier as that number grows.
Today I have donned by Fapstronaut pendant necklace and I'm not taking it off til I hit 90 days. ( I first posted that in Oct 2011, but clearly did not follow through. i have it back on.)

 

Day 40 of No PMO

 

Barely still am alive I just looked at my yellow book reviewed all my past screw-ups from all time of 20 years and I'm actually just sort of looking forward to the day....
I'll do my meditation in a little while and then some around 6 p.m. to 7 I will again review my yellowbook of fuckups and then I'll meditate again and go to bed thank you

 

174 days

 

Day 9
Stressed whole day... But cool now...

 

Day 16 in the list!! It is really getting over me. Today was shit I was really getting tempted in eveining after a good day of study routine. But I don't know why I get irritated after such a good day of work.

 

Day 1.

4 days in a row of lapses. Very stressful time in my life especially work wise. Not need to priotitize this. Momentum is paramount as is accountability. Meaning posting here more regularly until build a strong streak.

 

In the past 110 days I have:

* PMO'd 7 times but not fully relapsed
* MO'd 1 time but not fully relapsed
* Averaging 15.7 days on strict PMO nofap
* 1 days straight nofap streak so far

 

4:45 p.m. of 09 Feb 2022. I decide to join the PMO (except having sex with my girlfriend) challenge. My initial goal is 7 days consecutive.

 

Day 17 in the list!! Doing things, focusing on study and giving my best to become best. Today didn't sneak peeked.

 

Day 10

 

Day 41 of No PMO
how's everyone?

 

Day 0 ( relapsed ) :
Can't believe i relapsed in the midnight
I am trying to sleep for 1.5 hour now, but the urges is too strong

February is off to a bad start, i just gotta make a change for the 2nd half of February

 

Relapsed again. Feeling sick and I shouldn't have remained awake after 12 even if its work. This few basic rules are still haunting me.

 

In the past 111 days I have:

* PMO'd 7 times but not fully relapsed
* MO'd 1 time but not fully relapsed
* Averaging 15.9 days on strict PMO nofap
* 2 days straight nofap streak so far