What's Your Root Cause Of This Addiction?

Loneliness. Never having a girlfriend because of my social anxiety and Aspergers Syndrome playing a huge part in it. Also my dad not being the best role model in terms of not teaching me how to treat women and asking them out etc. owing to religion.

 

Yes. By trying to go out more and socialise with people. In fact, while I've been on long streaks without PMO I have noticed that I've been checked out whilst on the train, bus, in a cafe, etc. that's something I'm working on. The sole aim is to get out of my comfort zone as often as I can. That's where true success lies.

 

• Being the guy no girl ever liked in school.
• Suffering extreme aversion to rejection all my life.
• Having awkward social skills (Asperger-ish) and seeking approval desperately and not getting it.
• Being afraid of intimacy and getting close with others.
• Not realising that PMO was a problem, and thinking it was healthy to do.
• Valuing comfort and intertia way too much. (i.e. the Path-of-Least-Resistance Mindset).
• Not having the greatest role models growing up
  • My grandparents were pretty awesome, but
  • My mum is a cripple who suffers anxiety and major depression, and
  • My dad is "a bit of a lunatic" (his words, not mine).

 

This could almost be about my own life verbatim, except for my grandparents (whom I never really knew) and my mum being disabled.

 

Shyness around girls in high school and being afraid of rejection. The thing is, I had a couple of girlfriends but...there was heartbreak and they were work - not just with girlfriends but others I either dated a little or messed around with. Porn became the easy fix. Didn't need to worry about my heart being stomped on as it had been a couple of times. Not trying to be melodramatic about that, it happens. It's just teenage years for heaven's sake. But it did take it's toll on a guy that was used to being unconditionally loved by his parents. So I had to make sense of and come to terms with the outside world that could be unforgiving. So, porn became an escape but of course I numbed the possibility of joy and love as well as heart break and disappointment. It affected other areas of my life too. I fell for a trap basically. "Sure, you can have the great feeling but you're gonna be lonely...and you won't be needing your confidence much either anymore..."

 

We all can easily trace many of the problems we struggle with back to the things that others have done to us in the past (or perhaps the things they didn't do). But when it comes down to it, the only way that we can move on and live the lives that we want now is if we let go of those accusations and forgive.

I'm sure you've heard all this forgiveness type stuff before, but seriously here's the thing...... when we blame another for the way we are feeling we take away the power from ourselves to change that. If we say "well, you did this to me and that's why i'm like this" we trap ourselves... so as long as we stay thinking it is someone else's fault we give away the power of ownership over our own suffering. Whatever someone else did to you they did for their own messed up reasons, and that's in the past now. The only person that is still making you suffer for it is yourself.

It is you that creates a story around it, and it is you that makes it a part of your identity, lets it define you, and holds onto it for decades........ 10 or even 20 years down the line if you are still suffering because of what someone did to you, the chances are that it is no longer them making you suffer, but yourself.

You have a choice, so own it, and take the control back.

 

Root cause is always a fun analysis. Nexus causality is also worth looking at in many cases. I believe my root causing is simple. I have little interest in porn without MO. I have a strong libido, have MO'd 10-14 times per week since puberty and have an even stronger mental drive if my refractory period would have just allowed more physical expression. I look at porn as a significant enhancement to pure MO. Secondarily, I choose to be single, am introverted and have always felt happier spending significant time alone. Given that choice, porn seems to be the best way to go hence PMO. Partly due to social norms in the US and partly due to actual risk (pregnancy and STD), I don't choose to sleep around as a single guy and tend to have sex mostly in relationships. Porn is a much safer option for me and may have actually saved time in comparison to something like visiting bars/clubs.

The cultural piece is meaningful in the sense that if I had been born in a more sexually restrictive country than the US, I might have had more problems with porn, while a country with fewer sexual restriction and more openness might have landed me in a spot where I really didn't have a reason to need porn as often.

 

Any addiction is a just a habit to cope with some internal problems. If one were only addicted to porn or to any substance, then giving it up would have been easy. But if it becomes associated with a certain problem in our life then we would have only two options. Deal with the problem causing the association or replace with a less damaging habit.

 

The demon of lust. I intend no metaphor. Demons are the root cause for me.

The only way to succeed for myself is by walking a spiritual path and putting the Buddha's teachings into practice in my daily life.

I have chemical addictions too, that go hand in hand with PMO. I have also been to numerous rehabs.

The only things that helped me stay clean for 5 years without so much as an erotic peep or touch were training martial arts and practicing Buddhism.

Not even Dr. Lance Dodes' pioneering addiction and recovery work could solve my issues.

My issues go beyond mere addiction though. Buddhism seemed to be the best medicine for my mind. Also traditional and authentic martial arts are just what the character Dr. ordered for me

 

The porn I'm interested in is pretty much fetish oriented , and it's been my go-to since I was probably 14....don't want to get into the details of the fetish just yet, but just the ability to get online and find what I want is somewhat of a controlling and empowering feeling to me.

 

For me, I was just curios and stumbled upon some videos on daily-motion and it all started form there...