The Lord of the Rings Challenge

Checking in day 89. All good, but a bit of a late night movie. I watched 'Source code' again and this time I absolutely loved it. Yeah , things change when you change the way you look at them!

 

I can't pinpoint anything specific in my life that could have caused this. Except for our subpar sex life our relationship is going great, I have a stable job and my family is in good health. Maybe the upcoming exams at uni are a source of stress but it's nothing I haven't dealt with before.
The thoughts were pretty unspecific but something that they had in common was a general fear of loss and loneliness. Totally unreasonable because no one is about to die or leave.

But I guess this addiction didn't come out of nowhere and has always been a form of escapism for me. I have always been insecure and anxious, even as a child. I don't think that I ever had a full blown anxiety disorder but PMO was my way of dealing with stress and anxieties for more than half of my life. Maybe some of the fears I tried to suppress are just now surfacing.

 

Well something that have helped me is that the phone never enters to the bathroom. I chsck whatever I need even I put music but the phone stay outside.

 

Day 24

For me this day have an special meaning. It is my longest streak ever and I feel good and strong.

Today I was outside the whole day. I could control the need to watch girls a lot better, not 100% but I didn't return home with a urge, a little bit but anything to worry about. This makes me happy because I don't want to be a dirty old man watching every girl that pass on front on me. A fellow from this challenge suggested me to see everyone as sisters, mothers and daughters, and I must say it is working.

And the journey continues...

 

Day 41

A rocky morning followed by a brilliant afternoon - I seem to have rectified my difficult work situation but I now need to schedule a few meetings to make sure everything is in the clear. Spent the evening in the local pub with a few of my college peers and laughed harder than I have in many months, it really is the best medicine. Sadly my peers will all be moving on come the summer and my cohort will become smaller, but I have made some great friends that I will go to for advice for many years to come.

I feel myself becoming nervous as the prospect of surpassing my PB, as I will essentially be in a new stage of my life, but I intend to remain strong and diligent with my habits to ensure that this streak is successful. Congratulations to those of you who have passed a milestone or reached a personal target - reading your testimonies and moments of triumph have been a welcome form of support when I feel myself struggling throughout the day.

 

I found this video to be very triggering and suggest you take down this recommendation. I had to turn it off.

 

Day 11! Feeling alright, not too difficult of a day for me, although I'm finding it hard to continue my habits. Still haven't missed a day however, and I don't plan to! Onto day 12

 

Day 189 - end

Gray day for me.. Watched some "waste of time" content. And searched for something that might have been a trigger if I got hooked. Thankfully all good at the end.

It's been hard to start making exercise too. I feel my brain is searching for easier ways to get dopamine. Like eating or listening to loft resting.
But once you start, a few minutes later you're all in that work out!

 

Day 0 -- Nazgul.

Slipped up late last night after my check-in here. I've got a test tomorrow and I stayed up late trying to review all my notes. Not the best idea NoFap-wise but I do feel prepared for that test now. Still, I should have made this my priority.

Not a lot going on. I want to be very deliberate about engaging my willpower on this streak whenever I notice urges arising.

St. Scholastica, pray for us!

 

Fighting hard until the next milestone...

Thanks for sharing, very touching.
-----

I can already see the next milestone approaching slowly. It has been hard fighting against the urges, but I haven't yielded - in fact I think they may be disappearing... slowly, but disappearing.
And so does the fight continue as it'll get easier with time - may we actually win the war this time.

 

Day 361

 

Day 59 complete

I am doing good. The worst thing is I sometimes look at pretty women in the office before I look away. My fantasies are less active lately, no looking at girs profiles on social media and no phishing in general.

 

Day 20

 

Do you have any hobbies you carried from the childhood? How do you decide on the quality of your sex life, where this 'subpar' and corresponding standards came from? Do you feel comfortable to make love in total darkness or do you need light to get excitement from looking at your partner's body?...and maybe try to ponder a question for a while-'If you had $10 millions to your name what would you change in your life? Would you stay in your stable job? Would you continue your studies in the university?.....

 

4 days to one year.

 

50 days Moria, the greatest Dwarven Kingdom, is before you. With a beard and a axe, you´re a Dwarf now.



Big milestone for me. Wish u all an amazing friday!

 

Day 2

 

Day 2!

Last night I almost relapsed… I didn’t and instead I just started hitting the “Panic Button” for like 15 minutes until I felt better.

This morning I woke up much more optimistic until YouTube decided to kick me in the bulls and now I feel like shit. I wanted to try and cut back on my random YouTube time and so I’ve deleted all of my history so he won’t send me recommendations that would get to me.

Instead I woke up to the "generic" recommendations, just a whole lot of triggering videos one after another. I clicked “don’t recommend that” on everything, but I can’t get it out of my head. I’m sitting in a public coffee place just to be extra safe and I still feel like shit.

This is going to be a really long day…

 

Day 354 no PMO.

The good news: I had a good day yesterday. Weather was beautiful and I went for three different outside walks. I’m on the Noom app for weight loss and it is working well. Never felt better.

The bad news: I had to log back into Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for work and it was somewhat scary for me. I needed to login to get some things setup for my employees to be able to post for my business. Luckily after getting everything setup I got the heck out of there and deleted the apps right away. Didn’t see any content really but hated even being on those time sucking, tempting apps. Also saw some content on YouTube that while could be interpreted as helpful for NoFap I found the info to be very triggering. It reminded me of all the things I used to watch and even showed images and told stories of things that started to get my mind going. In the past after long streaks I have always began to think “I wonder what’s new out there that I’m missing out on” and that has always been the thing that brings me back to porn. After a day or two of looking at porn I realize there really never is anything new and I start the cycle of trying to quit all over again. I hope the triggering content from yesterday doesn’t get my mind thinking of what I might be missing out on. So far I’m doing ok but only time will tell.

 

Well, I've been addicted to porn since the beginning of puberty and I can honestly say that I have never been physically attracted to anybody in real life...that includes my boyfriend. I'm certain that I'm not asexual and that I could experience physical attraction if I wasn't so hooked on porn. But I'm a major addict and 12 days is the longest I have been without porn in over 10 years.
I call our love life subpar because I suffer from severe sexual dysfunction, meaning I'm usually in a lot of pain during sex (yes, this has been checked out by more than one doctor and there is no underlying physical condition that could be the cause of it).
My boyfriend is suffering from this as much as I do. Part of the reason I'm doing nofap is because I want to be able to make love to my boyfriend and enjoy it.

If I had 10 million bucks I would definitely continue to pursue my studies. I have waited 8 years to get into university (in my country we have the option of waiting if our gpa doesn't match the requirements) and I wouldn't change it for the world. I also like my current job as a nurse. I'm mostly content with my life as it.

Believe me, I did a lot of thinking and soul searching in my life. It all comes down to an addiction beginning at a very young age. I read that some people on this forum feel like they stopped growing up once the addiction started and I think in some way that's true for me as well.
There is a lot of shame that comes with it for men and women alike. And maybe shame and the secrecy that goes with it are part of reason for my anxieties.

Anyway, thank you for your post! It certainly made me reflect on a lot of things.

I recently started exercising as another means to access dopamine, I meditate and spend a lot more time outside. My brain will likely need a lot longer than just 90 days to reset but I'm looking forward to growing as a person.

Oh, and I'm checking in on day 12!