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The two self model- can I trust myself when going through serious urges?

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Sign of the Times, Sep 15, 2015.

  1. Sign of the Times

    Sign of the Times Fapstronaut

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    Hey everyone. Wondering about something at the moment. The last couple of times I have relapsed I have noticed my behavior more and it is scaring me. It is like I am another person when in the zone. I feel completely enmeshed in the procedure and spend hours in it to the exclusion of anything else. It usually (lately) has been happening around day 4-6. The reason I worry about this, I suppose, is because before the acting out some part of me tries to convince myself that I will be unable to cope with the urges and might come apart. I just started a new job today and I am worried about how I will deal with this if and when it happens. Do you think this may be just one part of my 'self' looking for anyway to stay with old habits? Its really a bizarre sensation! What is the worst that can happen if we decide to trudge through even the most difficult waves of urges? Sorry for the ambiguity of the question I wanted to throw it out there to see if anyone else might sorta be going through the same thing.
     
    goldstein likes this.
  2. JoeinUSA

    JoeinUSA Fapstronaut

    This is the classic "addict sub-personality" vs. the "true self" - the former is the broken, addicted side of you (the hedonist), and the latter is the true spirit within you that seeks a whole, full, and substantial life of happiness.

    When the addict self lurks around in the corners of the mind, it is best that you dialogue (audibly even, if necessary - makes him more real and identifiable), letting your true self point the accusatory finger at the addict, letting the addict know that you see him there, telling the addict that you know what he's up to and he's been caught. If you actually don't know what the addict's motive is, you can ask him, and he'll tell you plainly. I usually know what the addict wants, of course, so I don't allow him to spew out his rhetoric too much - I don't need to visualize his cesspool. The important thing, though, is not to let the addict lurk in the shadows of your mind unacknowledged or with only partial awareness but not pointing the finger at him. Whenever the addict is allowed to act unaccused, he will then wreak his havoc, and the ethical side of us that might have chosen good health will freeze and become numb (a second of indecision on our part is all that it takes) - not choosing either right or wrong (thinking maybe we can steal some little pleasure or cheap thrill by not choosing- but by not choosing, the addict then chooses for us (we have in fact chosen the addict's path without knowing it), and we easily fall into the PMO cesspool again, only to awake from our anesthesia and wonder what the hell happened and how did it happen so fast, and why did I do what I don't want to do once again.

    Does that pretty much sum it up?
     
  3. Slfctrl

    Slfctrl Fapstronaut

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    I also agree, I've found being PROACTIVE instead of DEFENSIVE is always the best. what I mean, is that when though urges start to happen, I tend to resist it, but often I'll fail, and become numb to what I'm actually doing. The most effective times lately is when instead of directing resisting it, I DO something else. I turn off the computer, put my phone away, go talk to someone, etc. Your brain is programmed to follow a certain path, instead of resisting that path, change it's direction. I hope you understand what I mean.

    Also, I'm afraid this is my true-self too. But I'm really fighting because I don't want it to be. If you are here, I don't think that it's your real personality.
     
  4. keepitreal-88

    keepitreal-88 Fapstronaut

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    There are many personalities in us each with different ideas about what is best for you. Rather than destroying the ones that hold you back, integrate them, acknowledge them for what they are and what they want for you but let them know what it is you truly want for yourself. For example one part of you that wants you to pmo to feel good just wants to keep you safe and make you feel happy right now, the little kid part of you that can't resist the candy. Tell him that the candy is going to taste great sure, but that if he holds off now, even better things will come in the future.
     
  5. Sign of the Times

    Sign of the Times Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for your fine analysis JoeinMD and contributions from everyone else. Has anyone ever seen the Russel Crowe film 'A Beautiful Mind'? There is a scene in there towards the end when his delusional characters living inside his mind try REALLY hard to entice him to acknowledge their presence, but he refuses and gives it a real go to see the world as it really is, not as how his mind is presenting it to him. That is kind of how I feel when the urges become really strong and uncomfortable. They will try most anything to get you to act out in accordance with their wishes. But through education, support, determination and will we struggle (at first) and resolve to relegate them, and replace them with the better view of the world.
     
    JoeinMD likes this.
  6. THeRagE

    THeRagE Fapstronaut

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    Good read. Made me laugh at my addicted self. It's almost creepy but yet spot on.
     
    JoeinMD likes this.

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